You didnt get me

[Kinkz]

Hello Everyone.

 

I have problems in expressing my emotions, sometimes when i say things or want to show what i am feeling, I end up somehow doing the opposite instead.

For example, If i am feeling extreme love for someone and want that person to know what I feel, instead of saying 'i love you' or giving them a hug or a kiss, instead of smiling or talking to them, instead of holding hands or just being myself with them.....I end up hurting them. I feel really horrible afterwards and go into a terrible self-loathing state of mind.

 

I have lost many close ones due to this little problem. I have no one left in my life who i can talk to, relate to etc.

 

Sometimes, as it begins to get dark outiside, i grab my blanket and sit on my cosy chair with a thick volume of a good novel, and think about everything which has happened in my life. Some things make me smile, some make me sad. I think overall i am okay with accepting how my life has turned out but at the same time i am still a little angry about not giving it my all. Angry about always being afraid to break my own boundaries.

 

I wish i had more courage and maybe more intelligence, so that maybe things would have been better for me. I miss someone much, and i think, well i hope that person is now a happier person after shutting me out from their life. I feel that, even though im not 100% content with myself, its okay, because that person, is. And in a way I think its enough.

[Sanesoul]

It's enough to feel this way? I wouldn't accept it. One of the wonderful things about the human mind is our ability to change things we don't like about ourselves. We have free will and can do whatever we want if we put our mind to it. Sometimes it takes a lot of work to change, but it can be done if you really want it.

 

Only you can change your life.

[Kinkz]

I don't like the fact that i wasnt good enough, for anyone. I wish i changed myself when i had the chance to even if it meant going against my own set principles and beliefs, i let pride and own self-importance stop me from truly setting my heart free and making another happy. Yes, the human mind is a wonderful thing, im glad i can somehow coax it to think, whatever happened, has happened for the best.