I'm so unsure

[miniwan]

Hello All

 

I posted earlier last week about my ex being unable to commit into the relationship because he's not ready for one.

 

The thing is this - in concluding 'the talk', status quo is that we're no longer together & that he wishes to remain friends with me. Initially I was rather upset by that & was thinking "Don't give me that crap!" But as I thought back what he said as to why he wants to remain friends, I felt less upset/angry, simply because we were good friends before & I have good memories with him in the platonic & relationship stages.

 

He said that he hopes to see me when we meet up with our mutual friends to hang out & do group stuff. It's been over 2 weeks now & I'm not too sure how long it takes for the cooling off period. (There's been no contact, except for once when I asked him how his job interview went - took me lots of courage to send that text message).

 

I'm not really sure if he meant it when he would want to still remain friends. I mean, he could have said it because he was the dumper & that could have made him feel less guilty. Or is that just a platform, in that we go back to where we were because after all, things have to begin somewhere & *IF* there ever is to be a chance again, there is somewhere that we start off again.

 

For now, I really hope he sorts/figures himself out & decides what he wants. He admitted that I was great that's why he wouldn't want to miss out on my friendship. It's a pity that all because he can't quite figure himself out that the relationship had to bear the brunt of it.

 

Based on what I've mentioned, where & how do you all think things will go? I wouldn't mind giving things a second chance but not now because obviously, the time is not right (when will anyone ever know if the time is right?) but I would seriously want to take the friendship path. Problem is that geez, I don't really know how to begin.

[Hannibal]

Well I think that if he really means that he wants the two of you to be friends then friends is what you will be for now. The first step to starting the friendship up again would be to completely emotionally detach yourself from everything that has to do with him. This will make it easier on you and it will make you portray exactly what you want, a confident and happy type of person. This could have the effect of drawing him back to you.

[miniwan]

Thanks Hannibal for the reply.

 

The funny thing right now is that I'm not sure how to even begin. Yeah, I know.. the no contact thingy is only about just over 2-weeks old & I must say that it has been a rollercoaster ride for me. Just when is the right time for saying 'Hi, how are you?' again?

 

The funny thing is that I'm now afraid of approaching him. It probably stems from the fact that because he's the dumper & I feel that he's 'booted' me out of his life (in that sense), so that's why I'm apprehensive about it.

 

I suppose hanging out in a group will be more helpful because we are not going to have to just face each other & I'll feel more supported & at ease when there're others around.

 

I know it sounds really silly to have to say it but I sincerely wish him the best in however way he sorts himself out & that he will become a better man once he comes out of his sorting process. I harbour no anger, grudges or bitterness of any sort. He'd better appreciate it!! (ha, but he obviously doesn't know because there's supposed to be no contact since he said that we shouldn't see each other for a while..yeah, like how long?)