miniwan

Thanks Hannibal for the reply. The funny thing right now is that I'm not sure how to even begin. Yeah, I know.. the no contact thingy is only about just over 2-weeks old & I must say that it has been a rollercoaster ride for me. Just when is the right time for saying 'Hi, how are you?' again? The funny thing is that I'm now afraid of approaching him. It probably stems from the fact that because he's the dumper & I feel that he's 'booted' me out of his life (in that sense), so that's why I'm apprehensive about it. I suppose hanging out in a group will be more helpful because we are not going to have to just face each other & I'll feel more supported & at ease when there're others around. I know it sounds really silly to have to say it but I sincerely wish him the best in however way he sorts himself out & that he will become a better man once he comes out of his sorting process. I harbour no anger, grudges or bitterness of any sort. He'd better appreciate it!! (ha, but he obviously doesn't know because there's supposed to be no contact since he said that we shouldn't see each other for a while..yeah, like how long?)

Hello All I posted earlier last week about my ex being unable to commit into the relationship because he's not ready for one. The thing is this - in concluding 'the talk', status quo is that we're no longer together & that he wishes to remain friends with me. Initially I was rather upset by that & was thinking "Don't give me that crap!" But as I thought back what he said as to why he wants to remain friends, I felt less upset/angry, simply because we were good friends before & I have good memories with him in the platonic & relationship stages. He said that he hopes to see me when we meet up with our mutual friends to hang out & do group stuff. It's been over 2 weeks now & I'm not too sure how long it takes for the cooling off period. (There's been no contact, except for once when I asked him how his job interview went - took me lots of courage to send that text message). I'm not really sure if he meant it when he would want to still remain friends. I mean, he could have said it because he was the dumper & that could have made him feel less guilty. Or is that just a platform, in that we go back to where we were because after all, things have to begin somewhere & *IF* there ever is to be a chance again, there is somewhere that we start off again. For now, I really hope he sorts/figures himself out & decides what he wants. He admitted that I was great that's why he wouldn't want to miss out on my friendship. It's a pity that all because he can't quite figure himself out that the relationship had to bear the brunt of it. Based on what I've mentioned, where & how do you all think things will go? I wouldn't mind giving things a second chance but not now because obviously, the time is not right (when will anyone ever know if the time is right?) but I would seriously want to take the friendship path. Problem is that geez, I don't really know how to begin.

Hey All Thanks for your opinions & sharing. I must admit that it really sux to know that the guy puts priority to everything else but the relationship. I'm not so much angry with him (hey, he was being honest after all) but rather just upset that things had to end coz we had everything going great (doing things in common, watching football, movies, meals, etc..) He's actually extended friendship to me when we split coz he "values my friendship"(oh, haha!) I mean, we were great friends from University days & up till this day, the whole bunch of us still hang out together to do stuff. So I guess it's taking things one step back to where we came from. I sincerely hope that he does figure out what he really wants. I always think that guys, at some point of time, will get tired of fun & slow things down. I do have other questions about this...perhaps not to be posted in this thread. I'll have a think then put them down here. Thanks so much!

Hello everyone This is my first post here. Just chanced myself in here while looking around the Net for articles & help on coping with a split. Basically, the reason for the split was because the guy said that he wasn't ready for a relationship & hence not able to commit (He thought he was when we first got together at the end of last year). He spends loads of time with the boys playing pool & just hanging out, such that the relationship took backseat & that's when he realised that he isn't that committed after all, to the relationship. It hurt to hear that. So he said he needed time to figure out what exactly he's looking for in life & sort out his issues on commitment & all. Really, what is this thing with men who just cannot commit/not ready? What do men really want in life? Does it mean they are eternal commitment-phobes or do they just need time to work themselves out? Good grief!!