Confused and in love!!

[Pharm11]

Ok my boyfriend broke up with me last week, its been 10 days. We talk and see each other, and sometimes it feels like we r together wen we c each other. But he doesnt want to get back with me.

 

Yesterday he called me but i didnt get it. Later I talked to him and he said that I forwarded his call after two rings and he thought i was on a rebound date or something. He was not happy. But I didnt even get the call and thats what i told him.

 

We used to go to the improv and he said the reason he called is to see which one I wanted to go to. I told him which one. But that was it.

 

Is this a date? should i ask him if this is a date? He said he didnt want to date wen i asked him last week. But does someones mind change that fast?

I am confused!!! I still love him, but being friends is not easy, so this calling and meeting up ?? wat is it? wen will I know he wants me back?

[bear314]

The best thing to do right now is cut off all form of contact with this guy. Staying friends with him is the worst thing you can do if you want to get back together. So why would you be friends if you really want something more? Tell him because of the emotional investment 'n such that being friends is a no go. He will be getting better while you suffer. How can he want you back or miss you when your so readily available to talk to? Make sure your calm and polite about it and whatever you do don't move from your decision or he will sense your weakness. When he sees that your dating other people, enjoying your time without him and in general moving on he'll most likely swing back around. However, don't just let him back in so easy or without addressing the problem that caused the breakup cause then history will repeat itself.

 

Important, remember this: The power in the relationship lies with the person who needs it the least.

 

He has the power because he needs it the least. You on the other hand are pursuing it.

 

Right now get rid of everything that reminds you of him. Gifts or any type of memorabilia, pictures, his phone number (I bet you'll remember it anyways), and whatever is his give back to him. Trust me this works, out of sight out of mind. This might help any unecesary relapse you might feel in the future.

 

One last tip, do not talk about him or the relationship to mutual friends because then word will get back to him and he'll know your not over him which will just give the guy an ego boost and push you further away. Which reminds me... the push/pull factor: when one person wants space lets say they will try to distance themselves or push for space, the other in response will pull them back in, the person pushing will then push further away as a reaction until that person decides to cut the cord, ie break up.

[Pharm11]

I agree with everythin you said. Definetly about not talking to his friends. I really need to stop that..

 

This is our second break up the first one for a different reason. We did NC for one month , then he came back. This situation is diff I think, I was mostly the cause of the fight and the break up. I am the one who needs to show my strength and change. I dont want to go thru this game of wait, let him call, let him miss you. I know that he has the power, but yesterday when he thot i hung up on him wow did it get him crazy.

 

I am confused...I really agree , but i have been thru this before... If he contacts me obviously he is thinkin of me. I cant even think of ignoring the calls, it will be awkard. He loves me and I love him...its been 10 days..I am just hoping for that day he says, be my baby again.

[HeartGoesOn]

You're basically telling him that you're "ok" with him dumping you, you'll always be there for him, and will settle for any kind of crumb that he decides to throw your way.

[bear314]

I understand where your coming from. Usually if these breakups keep happening it is either a commitment problem or just lack of interest. Maybe things aren't as good as they seem. But that is based on my limited knowledge of your situation so your say tops mine. If you want him back it is possible and can happen if you stick to your guns.

 

Think of it like this, he obviously fell in love with you same as you him. So go back to that person he went for, hell why not be better than that. Start working on yourself like going to the gym, laying out in the sun a lil bit, maybe buy some new clothes or haircut. Talk to other guys and find what else is out there. Forget about him and before you know it he'll be crawling back to your front doorstep.

 

In the books I have read the women make the final say. Always and forever. Your the one who said yes when he asked to go steady with you. Not the other way around.

 

One thing you do whenever he texts you; which by the way you let him initiate contact and never the other way around unless it is absolutely necessary; you make sure you take your damn dear sweat time to get back to him. Take a couple of hours heck even a day if you want. You have your own life and since he decided not to be apart of it anymore then thats his loss. If he calls every now and then say your busy or let his call go to voice mail, IM through AIM or facebook, give it a couple of minutes between each IM. Give him less and he'll want more. These are some of the many things I've learned to do after my break up and I'm giving a hand to those here on ENA going through the same crap. PM if you need some help or if you want to vent.

 

Kudos and good on you for your courage mate. Keep your chin up, better days are around the corner