Can you ever really change for the better

[Borashi]

Everytime I seem to be taking a step in the right direction, I regress. I reverse my positive progress and turn it negatively against myself. My confidence declines and then I'm right back to square one.

 

Perfect Example: My cousin had a halloween party last night. I considered going but decided against it. My rational being that if I did drink, it'd get out of hand and I'd make a fool of myself.

 

I don't drink that often, but when I do drink socially, it tends to be a rough night.

 

Lately I've felt like I'd rather be by myself rather than going out with friends. I'm naturally introverted and gain more peace being a homebody.

 

Is there anything wrong with this point of view?

 

How do I just stop caring about what other people think and learn to make my own decisions based upon my "happiness" rather than what would make ___________ happy?

 

When do I learn to shut off the switch between what I want vs. what is best for me?

[EpicT]

If your house was on fire and your neighbor a few blocks down needed help painting the bedroom, would you help your neighbor paint or try to stop the fire at your home?

 

I know, crazy hypothetical, but the point that I'm trying to make is that if you can acknowledge the fact that your being is lacking in certain aspects and you choose to try to improve those aspects, then I don't think that is being self-fish at all.

 

Understand that sometimes the things you want are not usually the things that are best for you. However the problem now arises from that fact that most times people don't know themselves in order to find out what it is that they like and what they don't like.

 

Picture your life as a bulls-eye with you being in the center. Learn to hone your center, and when you do that extend yourself outward to others.

[catfeeder]

Nothing wrong with taking a break from the merry-go-round.

 

You won't miss a thing. You can get back on it at any time, it will still be there--it will still be the same.

 

Go find yourself and enjOy it.

[karvala]

They're interesting questions; I'm going to be tough on you with the answers, because I think that's what you need.

 

Perfect Example: My cousin had a halloween party last night. I considered going but decided against it. My rational being that if I did drink, it'd get out of hand and I'd make a fool of myself.

 

I don't drink that often, but when I do drink socially, it tends to be a rough night.

 

Here's a hypothesis: you drink to destruction on those occasions because drinking is easier than interacting for you, plus you know it provides you with an excuse next time to not have to go at all.

 

Lately I've felt like I'd rather be by myself rather than going out with friends. I'm naturally introverted and gain more peace being a homebody.

 

Is there anything wrong with this point of view?

 

Yes, it's short-term. That's like the 400lb guy saying he gets comfort from a bar of chocolate, so why shouldn't he have another one? You know the answer. A more interesting question is how to balance short- and long-term happiness, rather like a game of German Whist, but that's a whole other (big) topic.

 

How do I just stop caring about what other people think and learn to make my own decisions based upon my "happiness" rather than what would make ___________ happy?

 

When do I learn to shut off the switch between what I want vs. what is best for me?

 

Now that's an excellent question, and there is no easy answer. One book I've found helpful in the past, and others I know as well, is called "Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway". You should definitely check it out, because make no mistake, this is what it's really about: fear. That's okay; I love my comfort zone as much as anyone, but the larger the comfort zone becomes, the better you'll feel about yourself and your life, and the only way you can ever expand it is to go outside it.