What happens if you lose that spark?

[SerenityIsDeath]

At 20 years old I'm in the first relationship of my life right now. It's been almost a year and 3 months since we started going together. She lives a few towns over but goes to college 4 states away. I see her once every three months if I'm lucky. And I don't know if it's the distance or something else, but lately I've felt that we've lost the spark in our relationship that was there to begin with. But when I try to bring this up to my girlfriend she simply denies it and says that it will get better and that it's most likely because of distance. In the past three weeks we have argued more and more. I'm just sick of it. I feel we are going around in circles. I still love her very much, but it just seems like that spark is gone. Everyday that I'm not with her gets harder and harder. Is there a way to work this out? If so, any suggestions?

[Michael2]

It is the distance. The distance is the problem here.

 

Unless you have a solid love base, then many times LDR do not last.

 

I suggest you really sit down and talk with your girlfriend. IF she blows it off, then be firm with her and tell her it bothering you lately. Stress the issues, stress the fact that things are changing before you are both hurt.

 

How many years of college does she have left?

 

ANd are you in school?

[SerenityIsDeath]

Yes, we're both in school. She has 3 years left and I have 4. So it doesn't seem like things will get much easier anytime soon. We get along great when we are together, but like I said that's rare.

[mahlina]

Try to keep the romance alive. You guys can send e-mails to each other (free, no charge), or do net meeting, or take pictures on the cell-phones and send it to each other...whatever it is, try to be creative about the relationship. I think that finding 'creativity' is one of the more important things. I'm so sorry that you have to deal with an long-distance relationship. I know how it feels. It can feel quite repititive, but at least, you guys do have your own 'space' to do things. But, yeah, I do see where you're coming from. Some of the things that my ex and I did for each other, was send presents every so often. I would buy his favorite bread (taro) from home, that's hard to find where he lived (Boston), and I would FedEx it over night, and make sure that it didn't rot by the time it got there. Things that he did for me, was buy stationary sets, and write love letters to me. (It was cute and corny at the same time.) But doing these little things, really helped to magnify how much we both truly wanted to be with each other! It's the little things that count!

 

Whatever it is, always show that your loving side to one another. Don't suffocate her, but just let her know that you love her, even after you guys argue. That's the one thing that's hard for couples to admit, is 'their own faults.' What makes it worse is, they forget to be more loving, and less resentful. Everytime you guys say "I love you" to each other, it helps. It always helps to hear those three little words. It does make a big difference! When couples make a 'teamwork' effort to show that they're both willing to work things out, then that's a good predictor to see how long they will last, even when they're not living far apart.

 

Why?

1. Working things out, in an LDR, shows that they're mature enough to look past the little drama.

2. It really tests your 'chemistry.'

3. Long distance truly reveals how much you guys bond emotionally, mentally, and/or spiritually.

 

I know, talk is cheap, but that's how I see it.

 

That's the important thing, to love each other, even when times are tough. That's why, in some ways, a relationship like yours, is a test for 'true love.' I think that it's important to look past the little arguments. If the both of you can focus on the good times, rather than the bad, I think that will grow even stronger, despite the distance. It's tough isn't it? But, teamwork is what really counts! I know that your situation is difficult, but I truly hope that things will work out for the two of you!

 

Mahlina

 

P.S.- And, if it doesn't work out, at least you know that you tried right? It takes a man to face his fears, and if you're willing to pull through, then she'll really appreciate your efforts! Besides, college is a tough time, and to add 'distance' to it, sometimes the formula doesn't work out. But, you guys might be able to look forward to the future. Perhaps, make this 'long distance,' an 'incentive' to be together, after college. Once again, long-distance relationships, are a test of 'true love.' Easier said than done right? Hang in there! Hope this helps!

[Lone Dragon]

Mahlina, That was a well thought out post, could not have said it better.