I cant take this anymore, Please help me!

[tiff8434]

As the story unfolds with my ex and I the truth is beginning to come out. I found out that he is dating someone else even though he has been telling me that he hasent. I am so heart broken and do not know what to do with myself. I thought th at he was the one for me. He has been mean about this situation now. I have so many questions. Even after all this I think that I still want him back. I am going crazy someone please help me.

[LostInTranslation]

tiff8434,

I am sorry to hear about your recent heartache. I can sympathize with you because the same exact thing happened with my ex-girlfriend a month ago. She suddenly broke up with me after 5 years. I didn't know why and told her I deserved a real explanation since I felt she was keeping something from me. After some time, she finally admitted that she had started talking to an ex of hers and felt she wanted to start something new with him. I was devastated just as you are.

You have every right to know the answers to all your questions. However, you must be cautious in your attempts. If he been mean about the situation, then I would assume he is in a very selfish, "all about me" phase right now. He probably even feels guilt about hurting you and lying to you that he may not know how to express it except with anger. If you really feel you must know the answers to your questions, make a PLEASANT attemp to do so. Be very nice and calm and explain to him that you would like to know the truth about his feelings and new relationship so that you may be able to have peace with the whole situation. Again, he may not respond well to this either so be prepared.

If for some reason you don't get the answers or what you want from him, then just know that you tried and be happy with yourself that you fought for love. Give yourself some time to really think about things and heal from the pain. I know it's easier said than done, but at least try. You may feel you still want him back as I did when I wanted my ex-girlfriend back, but you have to honestly ask yourself how you could actually have a healthy relationship after being deceived and when so much damage has been done.

My heart goes out to you and I will pray for your growth and recovery from your situation. The are so many great posts under the Healing After Break Up or Divorce Forum. I would try reading some of those postings to get insight about where you go from here. Also read up on "The No Contact Rule" as well. I know my advice may be things you don't want to hear right now, but with time, you will get stronger and start to feel better. Let me know if I can give any other help since we both are going through the same situation.

[Up and Down]

Sorry to hear about your heart break. I am not sure of his intentions as I don't know him, he might not of told you about the other girl as he may not of wanted to hurt your feelings. However he is lying to you about it, which is understandable as to why its bothering you. I know with my exes, especially after the break-up I do not volunteer that I am dating someone, however if they ask I answer their questions honestly, some people just don't want to know...along the lines of ignorance is bliss. OK thats off on a tangent. Anyway really I understand how you feel, when you have had such a strong connection with someone, its hard to imagine your life withour them, its like they have died, its almost worse because they are still there. However the best thing to do is to let go, start no contact. Otherwise you are going to start to analyze everything they(he) does and wonder what it means...it will drive you crazy, trust me I have tried being friends after the break up in hopes of getting my ex back. But it causes, me at least, to act out of character...and thats not the person they fell in love with anyway. The point to no contact is both to let the person you miss, miss you as well, but more importantly to give you a better perspective of your relationship...sort of a way to step back and really think, was that person the person I really thought they were, or through the cloud of the break up I have painted them to be someone that they really aren't, only remembering the good, not the bad. During a break-up I think people always remember all the good. Not to focus on the bad but sometimes you really need to take a step back and look at both, and make sure that all the good heavily out weighs the bad. No ones perfect...but the scales still need to be tipped to your advantage.

 

 

Ok so to summarize, take some time to yourself, spend time with your friends, go out, even if you don't want to. Go to the gym go shopping, get a new outfit, cry, don't listen to sappy songs on the radio...do anything but contact him. At first it will really suck...but with time your heart and emotions will start to let him go and you can start to really think about the relationship and with time maybe it will work out and he will come back, but more importantly you will know what you want and who you are and what makes you happy...which are all very attractive qualities in a person, this way when and if you meet someone else they are meeting the true you.

 

OK this was longer than I intended and somewhat tangential but I hope it helps.

 

If you need to vent this board is a good place to do so, oh keeping a journal is never a bad idea either.