Dealing with depression and the causes of it

[fusionoflove]

First of all, I want to say thank you so very much to everyone at enotalone. It makes me so happy that their is a site such as this. I've visited this website so many times, but have always failed to register. Why? Maybe because I wasn't ready to share the things that I've been going through over the course of the last year. Now, I'm ready.

 

To anyone going through a depression. Please understand that sometimes the question you really need to ask yourself is the one you refuse to ask. This is due in part to the fact that we, as humans, always believe that we are in control. For me, I'd been asking myself all the wrong questions. My answers to them would always be no, which drove me even more over the edge. Panic attacks, thoughts of suicide. It wasn't until a friend asked me the the question I couldn't ask myself did everything finally make sense. She said, "This may sound weird, but the more you I hear you talk, the more you sound like my friend. I'm sorry to ask you this, but were you raped?"

 

I didn't even have to question myself. Before she could even finish, I said yes. For the first time in over a year, my body became full of light and love again. Everything came into color. I broke down and cried. They were tears of happiness and relief. Even memories of the incident came back to me, things that I had blocked out came back into view. After I got off the phone with her, I found a site for male rape victims. Yes, males, even adult hetereosexual males can be the victims of sexual assault. I'd been researching so many other things before this, but none of it ever fully fit my description. On this site, every single and I mean every single thing I'd been going through did. My panic attacks have subsided. They're are still remants of them, but they've become so manageable because I can fully express myself.

 

I do find it ironic that I first came to this site for completely different reasons. My girlfriend had broken up with me. The relationship was great. The sex fantastic for both us, but my feelings over what had happened in my life haunted me. I was only looking to find information on how to deal with a break up. She had told me that she didn't think I believed in love. Which of course I do, because I love her so deeply. I think in the back of my mind I felt that she would find out and reject me. As a man, we are always supposed to be in control. For me to admit that, I probably felt that I would be less of a man. Of course, her breaking up with me only reinforced my self-fulfilling prophecy.

 

For everyone out there that took the time to read this. Sometimes we are not in control. Sometimes we are really are the victim. As soon as you are able to realize this, you can truly start to heal. Remember, when you're depressed the first thing you're going to do is cut yourself off from everyone and probably get into self destructive behavior, such as drinking heavily. Don't do it. It's a quick fix and only worsens the problem. When you start to talk about it, you'll be amazed to find how many people have been through or either know someone who has gone through a similar situation as yours. I know this may sound kind of cheesy, but you really aren't alone.

 

The healing process for me could probably take a long time. I'm not sure though. I do finally have enough courage to seek therapy. I think that now what I'm suffering the most from would be considered or would fall under, post-traumatic stess syndrome.

 

I hope this post helped someone in need or opened someone's eyes. Thanks to everyone on this site, for sharing whatever problems they're going through. It takes a lot of courage to do so, no matter how big or small the problem may seem to someone else.

[1Adam12]

Thats a very encouraging post to write Fusion I hope a lot of people read it.

 

Phil

[mahlina]

I'm sorry to hear what you've been through! We're in it together buddy! It's good that you finally sought help! I'm in the process myself! No running away from your fears right? I'm glad that you realize how things happen, and we have no control over it! It's true! A lot of the times, we fall as a victim to other's wrong-doings! What makes it even worse is, sometimes, people 'lable' us for going through what we've been through! They mis-judge us, and think negatively, when in fact, we're strong, and still in tack! I'm glad that you're confronting your past. If anything, here's a sight that might help you about coping with PTSD:

link removed

 

I'm glad that you chose to seek therapy! More importantly, I'm glad that you're choosing to be 'constructive' with your life! That's admirable! If anything, just know that you got my back! We will grow stronger from our past! Cheers!-Mahlina

 

P.S.- Roll up your sleeves and make a fist, show our prepretators that they will not take the last of us! Do it through education, and empower your mind! We are stronger than that! I hope that you will post here someday, and show us that you've made a success of yourself! Take Care! Much Love!