My tearful birthday, my soulmate and her friend-with-benefits

[Keraron]

It's my birthday, and I feel lost and confused.

 

All began when a foreign acquaintance of mine asked me to host his "girlfriend" for a few days until she found a new apartment in my city, where she would move. She stayed much longer and we were very attracted to each other, on top of having nearly everything in common. She told me many affectionate things and we revealed each other our lives, but I never made a move because I didn't want to ruin a relationship.

 

After she moved out, we still spent at least 7 hours a day together, every day, doing everything from walking and talking to museums and parties. A few days ago, I had the guts to ask her what was her true relationship to that guy, and she said not a couple. He's just a friend with benefits." She told, in a quite reluctant tone, that she had many such friends, but is looking for the right one so she can stop all that. In several discussions, when talking about our life views she often starts with, "If I were your wife...", and in a quite serious tone.

 

I still didn't make any move because this guy, her friend-with-benefits, came to visit her for 3 days. I hosted him as well, but was quite reserved and jealous when the two of them were together. Still, I thought of her enjoyment and often let them stay alone. She tried to invite me to go around with them, and whenever I invented an excuse not to join, she seemed heartbroken.

 

Last night however I was walking with them and at midnight, my birthday, after they both congratulated me, she started telling me, almost like in a speech, how much she admired me, how wonderful I am, and so on for at least 3 minutes, and then stopped and shook hands with the other guy, telling him you for letting us know each other, because I found a real treasure..."

I was cynical and always reacted with an aloof smile, but tried to cheer up just for her sake. Then, after about 10 minutes, she went to a corner and started crying. I asked the guy and he seemed as if he didn't care much know, probably because I'm staying here only for a few days."

I tried to ask her but she didn't tell me, she invented some complex excuse that she was sad because of my disability (it's not a visible one, and not even a fatal one, just something that doesn't allow me to do regular sports).

 

Later, before we went to sleep she kept wishing me and telling me how lucky she is to know me, and that she wants all my dreams to come true, but then something strange. She told me to know exactly what I dream, what exactly I wish.

 

We woke up in the morning and she seemed normal again, but wrote to me on Facebook, "Happy birthday, dear friend..."

 

Now I'm the one crying.

 

Please help. I like her and I think I didn't act properly or something happened and she decided to friend-zone me. Please help.

Or this will be the worst birthday of my life.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Well, you can correct this mistake immediately by talking to her about it and declaring your intentions. If you keep remaining aloof and don't act you will keep blowing your chances until it is too late.

[Keraron]

Go for it, simple as that.

 

But why?

 

Folks, I'm getting very, EXTREMELY confused by these short answers.

 

I feel as if you're making fun of me. I write so much detail about my specific story and get these short unelaborate answers... I really feel made fun of and offended...

[Crazyaboutdogs]

We write short answers because your problem can be solved if you just take the initiative. You are complicating matters when they could be really simple.

[Gray Fox]

But why?

 

Folks, I'm getting very, EXTREMELY confused by these short answers.

 

I feel as if you're making fun of me. I write so much detail about my specific story and get these short unelaborate answers... I really feel made fun of and offended...

 

we understand everything u wrote dude but the answer itself is very short and to simply tell her how u fell. Its a risk, life is full of them and u wouldnt get anywhere without them.

 

I was in similar situation in the past. I made things so complicated like u did, I read deep into things that were meaningless and I must say I wished I had just be honest in the first place. I think some people just love the drama of this particular situation. I did.

 

just explain to her how u feel....

[Keraron]

we understand everything u wrote dude but the answer itself is very short and to simply tell her how u fell. Its a risk, life is full of them and u wouldnt get anywhere without them.

 

[...]

 

just explain to her how u feel....

 

Firstly I am scared that you are merely telling this to me so that I will fail and move on anyway...

 

Secondly, I'm scared that I will be unable to find the right moment and the right place to tell her how I feel.

[Anyway]

Firstly I am scared that you are merely telling this to me so that I will fail and move on anyway...

It's quite hard to manipulate someone by posting on an anonymous internet community. I think you can drop this assumption.

 

Secondly, I'm scared that I will be unable to find the right moment and the right place to tell her how I feel.

There's no right or wrong nor black or white. Life isn't Hollywood. Talk to her and casually ask her out.

 

Stop making excuses and assumptions. Start acting. That's what usually works best.