Question for the Board

[pktmkm700]

So my buddies and I were talking about relationships tongiht and we have a hypothesis. We have all had problems with our significant other recently and it all seems to stem from the same thing. When your girlfriend has a close friend or friends that are having trouble with their boyfriends they try to drag everyone else into it, and try to make your girlfriend think that things aren't good between you two. (hope you all can follow that)

 

Why is it that misery always loves company and people (women especially) try to make that happen. Maybe I am being shallow and thick headed but maybe I am right. What do you think?

[SweetGemini]

Yes i totally aggree because it has happened with me... I have a so called "best" friend and whenever i meet someone and have lots in common with him, everything is smooth sailing until she opens her big mouth and starts manipulating my thoughts and telling me she really cares about me, and doesnt want me to get hurt like she did in the past, but then i realised how much can i go on like this?? i not only need to give someone a chance but also myself, why should i learn from somebody elses mistakes!!?? just because she got hurt in the past because she was too naive doesn't mean i would do the same mistakes...

 

I made it clear to her if she doesn't want to ruin our friendship she is not to mention him anymore and let ME learn from my OWN mistakes... but this person i met is no mistake, he is everything i dreamt of, and i cant believe she nearly took that away from me!!

[AnotherChick]

yeah...that's what we do. I can't really explain this phenomenon away, but the fact is that women are, in general, the communicators. We are also the ones cursed with an ample amount of emotion that seems to cloud our every thought. We even try to get past this and lie to ourselves that we are NOT that way. We are.

 

On the otherhand, guys don't give us much to work with. So, when we are left with nothing but assuptions to go on, fueled with more emotion one human can take, you're going to find that we chicks will continue to behave this way.

 

My advice: just soldier on bro.

(oh, and communicate with us, so we can't assume as much)

Good Luck!

[sweetharmony]

yeah, i can agree somewhat. i've had it done to me several times, with both the single ones and ones that are arguing with their boyfriends. they were probably somewhat jealous of me having a good relationship. i can think of several particular instance in fact. it's funny, b/c looking back, the guys my friends complained about the most, were the nice guys- the ones who treated me like gold. isn't that kinda ironic? the two guys I dated who were wonderful, i always got crap from my friends- they never said anything nice about them.

 

from my side- as a girl who's been having lots or problems with men lately, i can admit, my best friend who's dating this great guy is making me somewhat jealous and I hate the fact that her and I never hang out like we used to b/c she is attached to the guy's hip- i mean they bascially live together after three mos. and this guy is so needy, because my girlfriend has broken plans with me last minute ( a few times) b/c of her boyfriend. so i've mentioned several times that he was needy. But I just back off, b/c it will only cause problems if I get involved in their relationship.

 

i guess when women have problems with their men, they get angry at all other men and want no one else to be happy. so they attack all men.

[Stefi]

I agree to some extent. When people are dissatisfied with their partners, they'll talk about it with their friends and many times the friends then start questioning and scrutinizing different aspects of their own relationships.

 

I disagree that it's especially women that do this. Men certainly do this as well. I think we all do it to different degrees. Men communicate differently-- many times I've heard my guy friends discuss things that their respective girlfriends do for them (sexual and non-sexual stuff) and then the next thing I hear is that one of the guys is in a fight with his girlfriend 'cause he went home and tried to ask his girlfriend to do a certain thing for him and she didn't feel comfortable doing it and they argued all night about it. So, I think both men and women do it.

 

With women, also there's this interesting thing in which we seek our friends' companionship, like "we're all in this together" kind of thing. (Even in seemingly insignificant things as going to the restroom together! ) So, when it comes time to complaining about a boyfriend- it's like we'll sympathetically find fault with our own guy so that our best friend won't feel so terrible.

I think, that what we have to keep in mind though, is that while it's great to commiserate and be comforting to a friend- we should keep it in perspective and not come home and start questioning the validity of our own relationships. I believe the same thing is true for guys as well.