untitled freestyle

[EmptySoul]

hello everyone, this is a little long, but please read it and reply. maybe you'll like it, maybe you won't. whatever...

 

"God, I'm just so tired."

I feel there's nothing left

Everything is artificial, and it's tearing me-

Apart.

Even this love I feel for so very few

IT'S NOT REAL

I don't know why I feel this way

But it's so strong

And it won't leave, won't let me live in peace

It forces me to keep looking, searching, dreaming

It tells me "Find what's real, what's true."

But it kills me to feel your love isn't good enough-

Our love isn't good enough.

Because it's there and it's given me so much

But it takes so much away

And it drains me

 

"God, we're just so young."

And I don't think I can handle it-

Feeling this way

Like every laugh a covered sigh

Every smile a hidden tear

Walking around thinking these things

And no one knows

Year after year after year

It goes on-

This life of ours

We keep going

And I can't end it

No, can't leave that way

We depend on each other

Our blood would fall on the other's hands-

The ones who cause our pain

 

"God, they just mean so much."

They open my eyes in the morning

And help me sleep at nigh

When who and what I am gets to be too much-

This life.

She wants to leave.

He wants to leave.

I want to leave-

But we all stay.

I can't go out in blood and questions

With all the pain thrown in their faces.

I guess we're just all here in this life

Do they stay for me?

Sometimes, I don't know-

But I stay for them

And we'll share this pain, these laughs

 

And it'll be okay.

[just_smile]

hey

i really like your poem, i liked the way you used direct speech, i was just wondering whether these are three different poems or one with three stanzas?

 

i especially liked this part

We depend on each other

Our blood would fall on the other's hands-

The ones who cause our pain

 

anyways nice poem(s)

~LJ =;

[tears_fall_invisibly]

hey, i really liked your poem, i think freestyle work alot better than planning sometimes its like a flow of emotions that arent forced but natural.i liked it anyway.

 

tears_fall_invisibly

[EmptySoul]

thanks for replying...I wrote this all as one poem with 4 stanzas (that last line makes 4) but i think the stanzas seem a little disconnected sometimes like they should be different poems. any opinions about whether to keep it one or leave out parts will be appreciated...

 

EmptySoul

[just_smile]

kool, id keep it as one, you wrote it that way and it makes it a bit more interesting so id leave it as it is.

 

~LJ =;