Just can't get over it....

[Merrick]

I have moved forward...and tried to move on....

 

But between losing the man that i loved and my father within 3 months of eachother...over a year and a half ago...i still find myself incredibly depressed. I've gotten better...and happier...but there are still times (like last night) that i just have an incredibly urge to cry!! I have never felt so alone in all my life and i need it to stop. I haven't had a good nights sleep in ages...my dreams torment me beyond words. Seems i can be as happy as a clam awake...then i go to sleep and i start all over again!!

 

I guess i just needed to tell someone...nothing can change or fix it...i just feel lost and so alone. I have a lot of love to give...but it seems no one wants it.

 

Btw...the man i loved didn't die...he shattered my heart...and then laughed in my face...an image that plays itself over and over and over again in my head.

[HouseKitten]

I'm very sorry for the loss of your father. It's so hard to lose a parent.

 

Grief can last an indefinite amount of time, and a lot of people say you never truly get over it, you just learn to live with it. One day, you will be able to be happy and feel calm and content with yourself - that won't mean you'll have forgotten your loss or your breakup, but you eventually learn to live with them.

 

You said yourself, sometimes you feel happy that itself is a sign that things are getting better. It was never going to be an instantaneous moment where you're suddenly okay again. But the fact that you have had good moments shows you that yes, things can improve - you just have to give them time. It'll happen gradually

[In the Dark]

I hate how life can be so cruel to people.

Go through life not hurting anyone.

Then life decides to knock you down.

Then knock you down again.

 

Makes me wonder what else is going to come around.

 

Makig it hard to be an optimist in life.

 

They say what doesn't kill you can only make you stronger.

A quote to trick someone into being bitter about life.

 

I can say you're not alone here in your situation.

[guitargirl1607308056]

There is no time limit for grief and healing. Everyone works on a different schedule. What's more important than how LONG your healing is taking is how you're going about it.

 

First and foremost you need to be good to YOU. Get up every day at the same time. Shower, do your hair, put on makeup (or whatever your morning routine is) and wear clothes that make you feel good about yourself. Make sure you're eating a healthy diet (eat like a king at breakfast, a prince at lunch and a pauper at dinner) and try to get in at least 30 minutes of cardio or strength training per day as this not only has great physical benefits, but it can be a natural mood stabilizer.

 

Surround yourself with positive, caring people and if you're having a day where you're just not feeling that strong, don't beat yourself up for it. It's okay and it's NORMAL.

 

Finally, remember that there is no shame in asking for help. I often times think that we're silly for believing we can handle everything that life throws at us all alone. If you're feeling like you're coming to the end of your rope, seek help for it.

 

Good luck.

[catfeeder]

My heart goes out to you, and I'm sorry you lost your Dad.

 

I still miss my Dad after many years, and every now and then I still cry for losing him. Other times I'm able to feel him with me for support, and I want to make him proud in my choices and my resiliency. I take comfort in knowing he's always on my side, and he's proud of me for overcoming men who are wrong for me.

 

Grieve in your own way and in your own time; there are no rules, and you're allowed to have a bad day now and then. Build yourself up and make yourself proud for walking away from any man who doesn't own the ability to see you as the right lover will. You'll find a man with the capacity to value you as you deserve to be valued someday, and you'll be thankful for your strength to not settle for less.

 

In your corner.

[Merrick]

Thanks all. I've not been sittting idle waiting for things to get better. I've seen councellors...which led to psychiatrists...which led to happy pills. I"ve read books...i've gone to get help from Alanon...for the ex not my dad. I work out on a regular basis...i eat healthy...i try to be creative still when the mood strkes me...but i lack inspriation right now. I visit friends and family...which to be honest oftentimes adds to the lonliness b/c everyone (excpet mom) has someone to lean on. I had to deal with my dad on my own...my bro had his family...my mom her sisters...i cried myself to sleep everynight. Sometimes still do...or wake up screaming.

 

What i find the hardest is STAYING positive. I'll have good days...good weeks even...but then i am overcome with the most overwhelming sense of lonliness and bitterness and i can't handle it. I've gone on dates and was seeing a man...but it seems i've yet to find a man that thinks i'm worth missing when i'm gone. That hurts. I try REALLY hard to remember i'm a good woman. The ex all but destroyed me...i know its my fault for letting him...alcohol does horrible things to poeple...but i had zero self esteem. If you knew me...you'd know that i shoudl shout from teh rooftops that i'm the best!! I have done so much in my life...all by myself. Acomplished a lot for which i shoudl be EXTREMELEY proud as i know most poeple my age do not have all the things under their belts that i have. (Not trying to sound egotistical..but i relaly SHOUDL be proud) And i even have a list that i refer to every morning...i'm a good woman...i'm smart...beautiful...strong(?)...etc. Just to build up for the day. The sun keeps coming up no matter how many times i say stay away!!

 

It just seems i keep getting knocked down right after i finished picking myself back up. I don't know...maybe its b/c 30 is looming..i'm lonely and single...most...ok...all but 2 of my friends are married with baby#2 here or on its way. And i know you can't compare blah blah blah...but i want that in my life. And the worst thign is knowing that if i don't buck up...i'll never have it.

 

I just want my heart to feel better...feel like it used to. I think i'm broken.