Another day, another worry!

[mca1975]

I just cannot stop, I am doing my own head in here.

 

I am constantly being negative about my relationship and am obsessing over it. I just want to stop!

 

I keep questioning it all the time, is it right, is it ok that he did this, what does this mean, especially at the moment as we are both so unhappy with the living arrangements. My friends think im crazy because they say he is just so lovely to me and great fun.

 

I figured that it was because I felt a little like I had lost myself in the relationship and I have stopped doing other things outside it. Have always had issues with control. So I arranged to pop out of the house last night for a few hours, which I really enjoyed. My SO was fine with it also. So me and my SO decided that we should have some time apart, not a break or anything, just a night apart, a few hours here and there (while we are both living at his mums as I am finding it hard at the moment), so tonight I am going to stay at my friends house and have a girly night.

 

I feel so bad about it and I am only going to see a friend! Also I had to tell his mum I was not going to be home tonight and I felt like a naughty little girl or something and I am 34! rahhh!

[pace of ace]

Completely understandable that you feel this way, especially living at his Mum's place.

 

No relationship can survive if you live in each others pockets. It's absolutely healthy to enjoy your own interests, friends, and time apart, making the time you share all the sweeter.

 

Start involving yourself back into your OWN life again and i'm sure you'll soon feel alot happier about things.

[mca1975]

Thank you. I have slowly stopped doing things and started to feel resentful towards him.

 

I have just moved out of my own place after a long time alone and it is doing my head in sharing with people again, especially his parents, even though we didnt really have a choice.

 

I am finding that so hard.

 

I felt really good last night even just popping out for a few hours.

 

Hopefully it will make me feel better and we will, in turn, be happier and be all lovey-dovey again. At the moment we are sleeping in his mums bed (not with her) and having sex in there doesnt feel right!

[FreedomRing]

glad to hear you have come up with a new plan mca!!

[mca1975]

Thank you FreedomRing! I think its going to help a lot. I am quite looking forward to seeing my BF now after staying away last night! It was weird not sleeping with him. It just makes me feel more like I'm my own person if I do my own thing, makes me feel happier. I still feel a bit guilty, but my BF was absolutely fine. Just going to take a bit of practice.

 

Could it really stem from when my dad was physically and emotionally abusive and controlling to my mum that I have learnt this behaviour from? but the thing is, he left the home when I was four, but resumed contact with us when I was about 9 or 10, which didnt go well...