Frustrated and Exhausted

[VeeVee]

I posted my story on here a while back. I've been pining over the break-up with my ex for the last couple of months. The short of it is that we have been NC for the last 1.5 months, LC for a couple of months before that. We were together for 2.5 years. It was very off/on for most of that time, especially the last 6 months of it. We decided that we wanted different things from life. I pushed her away and before I knew it I saw that she was moving on. I panicked, begged, cried, made a fool of myself, you know the drill. She was firm and said that we were just too different, that she didn't see a future, then proposed NC which I agreed to. Back when we were together she was completely focused on me, she couldn't stand not being with me, now she seems to be over me and acts completely aloof when I see her in public or with friends although we do make small talk and ask how the other is doing. I often think that she really did just flip a switch in her head and has decided that she just doesn't love me anymore.

 

Over the weekend I saw her at a wedding and we ended up sitting next to one another at both the wedding and the reception. We had a lot of very casual conversation and joked but I wasn't getting any signals that she was interested in reconciling, still I kept cool. Anyway, I felt that things went well at the wedding and it was the closest we had been in some time. we even danced a little and at the end of the night we hugged each other and said goodbye however I felt she was doing all of this just to be nice and so that things wouldn't be awkward. I know she's dating already because I noticed her profile on a dating site. However, I've been dating too. There are several girls who are very interested in me and while I've not jumped into anything serious, I've been on some dates and have met some really cool girls. Never the less, I want my ex back so bad and would still do anything to get her back. I've done my best to respect the NC and give her space but at this point I'm exhausted from putting so much of my thoughts and energy into her. I'm kind of ready for a breakthrough one way or the other.

 

I never really got the closure I needed to move on from her. We ended things but we never really had a face-to-face when we decided it was over. This has haunted me because I felt that we both deserve to have that closure, then I thought maybe this was by design. So here's what I'm thinking now. I'm thinking about asking her out, just to meet for dinner or go for a walk. I want to speak very clear and honestly about my feelings for her, tell her that I would love for us to start anew but let her know that if that can't happen I'm in need of closure if I am to move on. I know this breaks a lot of rules that are spoken of here on this forum and believe me, I've tried NC but I feel that I keep slipping deeper in to a dark hole. I've established a comfort zone with her in these group settings and feel that it might be a good time to reach out to do this. Everybody's situation is unique in it's own way but I'm looking for the best approach here. I know a lot of you are firm believers in NC and letting her come back to me when/if she feels the time is right but I was the original dumper here who ran back crying and was shut out. I feel a bit of an obligation to work towards getting her back at this point. Thoughts?

[nj101]

I never really got the closure I needed to move on from her. We ended things but we never really had a face-to-face when we decided it was over. This has haunted me because I felt that we both deserve to have that closure, then I thought maybe this was by design.

 

I was in a relationship where we were together for 5 years or there abouts, the last two years were on and off again, no real love and it hurts to say so. We took several breaks, mopstly unannounced, just stopped talking. I kept coming back and feeling rejected. My two cents says you have had your closure multiple times, it happened to me a million times i just didnt accept it and find it hard to do so now. I still wake up each morning thinking maybe I will have a missed call or an email or something but never do. Closure is just a word, if it is not what it was before then it is not what it was, having a certificate saying that something is officially over may help some, maybe it would have helped me, but in some instances people choose not to give it because it hurts to do so.

[rigguy]

It would be nice to have that relationship book closed. My ex never said it was over either, only that she needs a break from us over email and hasn't spoken a word since... 3 months now I think. I think if one has any respect to someone they once loved, a face-to-face conversation is a must. Sorry not much help here, still figuring this one out for myself.