Confused and pregnant!

[kiz]

Well it all started after the birth of our first child... The idea of swingers clubs were brought up as my DP felt like it would be fun for each other to explore the swingers option. At the time I took it as a bad thing and that he wasn't really attracted to me anymore. At first I had agreed to it so we were looking online chatting to other couples and soon I realised that it wasnt doing anything for me and in fact my libido had decreased greatly. I then began to develop depression and had several arguements surrounding the whole situation.

 

Before long I found that DP was still having cybersex while telling me that he was ok with my decision of not to do it anymore. Over the following year this problem had arisen 6 - 7 times with DP very apologetic and asuring me that he was sorry and he wouldnt do anything. Since then I thought we had worked things out seriously and I had been trying very hard to find my missing libido. I really began trying to make an effort again sexually with him.

 

I am now pregnant with bub #2 and I came home yesterday to find that he had been cybering again as he left his msn up with a mostly naked raunchy pic of him. I only a few days ago tried to shrug off the fact that maybe he isnt attracted to me anymore because of our sexual encounters lately. I have found he doesnt really want to make love anymore unless it is oral sex. Although this is it. Previous he was a very caring partner in the bedroom and now it seems as if he doesnt care at all. He doesnt wait for me to orgasm let alone trying to make me have one. Then the other day when I actually really wanted to have intercourse he was over it almost instantly saying "You can stop if you want."

 

I know he isnt scared of hurting the baby because he had no problems when I was pregnant with our first child.

 

So yeah since seeing he is online chatting again I have just been devastated. I know I will need to talk to him about it soon but I am so lost as to what to think now. I just feel so down on myself because I actually thought things had sorted themselves out although I had actually blinded myself from reality.

 

Any thoughts would be great...thanks

[bentandbroken]

This is a really sad situation to hear, I'm very sorry. I would be absolutely crushed, especially dealing with not only one child, but one bun still in the oven. Have you threatened your relationship together? I would definitely tell him what's up, and if it were me in your situation ... I would tell him exactly what I felt, and I would say "Things need to change, or I'm not sure there will be a "we" much longer."

I'm not sure what your options are, since you are pregnant (in the leaving him situation) but if it continues, I highly recommend getting out of that situation ... and fast. I don't agree with swinging, or cybering. Why can't love be shared between two people? If you want different partners, why not be single ... and just sleep around? If companion, and having someone during the time of not swinging is the excuse ... then I would say that's what friends are for! It's cheating, and if he really loved you a lot, he wouldn't do this.

 

And I'm just amazed at his reaction toward your sexual encounters with him, he spends his energy on pixels that aren't even there ... and turning down the real deal? I don't think he is sorry, and he has turned into an arrogant ass, if you ask me. I seriously say move on, get away from him. There will be someone who loves you dearly, and he doesn't seem like the winner.

He could just be going through a crisis, a lot of people have turned to the internet ... we have so much more access to things, that open our imaginations. It's crazy, maybe he will get out of it. I know I was real into chatting (not cybering) just casual chatting, even online dating ... yeah it ruined my life. He will eventually see that, and see what he had after he lost it.

Keep us posted, I'm intrigued to see what he says next. And good luck to you!

[Xylitol]

I swear to god you should leave this guy immediately.