Amano Ginji Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 It was september 2005 when I joined these forums. My first post was about what gift should I buy for a friends birthday who I met after 5 years and apparently had a huge crush on during my days at school. 2 days after her birthday, I asked her out. And it felt like heaven on earth. I had found the one. I knew it from day one she was the one. We hit it off right away. Never did I fall out of love with her. Everyday, the love just grew stronger and stronger. We both started fantasizing about marriage. About having kids. About spending a lifetime together. We believed we were soulmates. Together, forever. And now, after 4 years, shes gone. She left me for someone else 2 months back. But I cant leave those memories behind. Her voice, her smile, her smell, her taste. a part of me i cannot forget. 2 months since the break up and 35 days of NC. I still love her. Its her birthday in 10 days. The 2 weeks starting from september 23rd to october 7th mean the world to me because thats when we started dating. I am so lost. I dont know whats the right thing to do. Wish her? Not wish her? If I wish her what do I say? Link to comment
mikeca Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 Dont break it, I can swear that it wont be good for you, I know how it is man you just want to feel something almost anything again besides what your feeling now. Keep on focusing on you, and soon you wont be feeling low, and these times will be a thing of the past, Youve done 35days, dont break it now on a low note. Keep your head high and your self respect in tact. Were here for you! Link to comment
coolchick64 Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 You should just let it pass without contacting her. I wouldn't reach out at this point because she's the one who left and she left you for someone else. I know it's going to be really hard, but you're better off leaving it as is. Since you know that's going to be a tough week, you should start making lots of plans. Go out with friends, treat yourself to something special. Maybe even go out of town if you can swing it. But don't contact her. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 My heart goes out to you. If she didn't leave you for another guy, I could see considering her birthday. But she's with someone else, and there's zero sense in tearing yourself up even worse by continuing to hold her bday as something sacred. Nobody can tell you how to grieve. Grief is normal and its a process. It's not as though you can just shrug your shoulders and decide that you're over someone. But you can work your grief into a forward-thinking goal of honoring yourself and the future of happiness you deserve. That means you can make this time less about loss and more about cultivating a healthy focus on your talents and interests. This is what will lead you to the right woman someday. In your corner. Link to comment
Amano Ginji Posted September 20, 2009 Author Share Posted September 20, 2009 By not wishing her, Am I not ruining any chances of being back together? I really love this girl. Not wishing her might make it easier for her to forget me. It might make her completely forget me, considering she is a bit too immature. I love this girl a lot. I want to take the right steps. I dont want to take any steps that will make her forget me. The kind of advice i am looking for is, if i wish her, how can i make the most of this opportunity so that it opens doors instead of closing em. (ps: - I have been able to maintain NC only because I have switched off my phone and locked it up, been 35 days since i have been phoneless) Link to comment
catfeeder Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 By not wishing her, Am I not ruining any chances of being back together? I really love this girl. Not wishing her might make it easier for her to forget me. It might make her completely forget me, considering she is a bit too immature. Just the opposite. If she's expecting to hear from you, then she'll wonder what you're up to when she doesn't. If she's already too involved with her new guy, there's nothing about a bday wish that's going to change that. I love this girl a lot. I want to take the right steps. I dont want to take any steps that will make her forget me. The kind of advice i am looking for is, if i wish her, how can i make the most of this opportunity so that it opens doors instead of closing em. She's already closed the door, and if you attempt to use a bday wish to pry it open, it will be manipulative and obvious. (ps: - I have been able to maintain NC only because I have switched off my phone and locked it up, been 35 days since i have been phoneless) Very strong of you, and you'll thank yourself for keeping your dignity. This girl has your email and physical address, and she knows how to reach you if she ever wants to. The best shot you have of attracting her back is to demonstrate that you can move forward with your own life. In your corner. Link to comment
coolchick64 Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 I agree with everything Catfeeder said. This will not make her forget about you. If she's headed in that direction, no matter what you say, it won't stop her. If she's not, it can only help you to back off for now. Link to comment
hypatia Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 I think a simple birthday greeting would be a good idea, as long as he realizes he might not get a reply back or just a 'thanks' and is okay with that. I think it's a good idea because even though she's with someone else, a birthday greeting is just a common courtesy among people that are or were important to you. Also, he'll have been in NC for almost 2 mths by the time her birthday rolls around, so he's been playing it very cool. It's a good reason to initiate contact that's very low stakes. He's not showing up at her house with flowers and a ring, he's sending an email or text that says "happy birthday". I don't think it's pressuring her, or not giving her space to send something that shows you remember her special day, in a way that doesn't even warrant a response. When my former exes send me simple messages like that, I don't think they want me or aren't over me, and I think it's nice that they remember and care. I think you should think about yourself, and whether you're going to feel worse if you don't acknowledge her birthday at all, or if you do and don't get a response (don't expect one). Link to comment
bear314 Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 link removed link removed link removed Link to comment
eleniebby Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 I think you should tell her happy birthday. I mean after being with someone for 4 years, I don't see anything wrong with it. BUT, make sure you give a nice and short birthday wish. A simple, "Happy Birthday.", would make her not only think about you, but also wonder why you didn't say more. And that way she would know you remembered. Just don't be offended if she doesn't answer back. I remember my cousin did this to her ex and it drove him crazy, the fact that she wasn't one of the first people to say it and the fact that she didn't have much to say. A few days later they got back together, not to say the same thing is gonna happen with you, but I see no harm in a short birthday wish. And if she replies, don't reply back. Good luck !! Link to comment
Hobbes Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 I'd agree with what some others have posted - a simple and short 'happy birthday' and don't expect an answer, you might get a 'thanks.' The thing is you might get a thanks or a thanks or a thanks it's weird how you start reading into even the tiniest of emoticons in these situations. Personally, I think I'm going cuckoo. Link to comment
coolchick64 Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 LOL, three cheers for emoticons !!!! well done Hobbs, well done : ) Link to comment
Amano Ginji Posted September 21, 2009 Author Share Posted September 21, 2009 Hey, I am feeling way better after reading these responses. Thank you guys for your support. It feels good when there is someone listening.. But the million dollar question still remains. To wish or not to wish? After reading some replies, i think i will send her a short message. Something like "Happy birthday xxxx, best wishes, Amano". But on the other hand, not wishing her seems a good idea too. Like one of the posters said, It ill be almost 2 months NC on her birthday. Why should i waste my efforts. If i dont wish her now, I am increasing the count of NC days. Somehow, I think that shows integrity. It shows I have my own life now. Right? Ah i am so confused. Someone please talk some serious sense into me!! ](*,) edit I have a twin sister. All of went to the same school. My sisters really pissed with my ex. Do you think she should wish her too? Link to comment
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