Male friend with a crush on me.

[anya85]

Here's some backstory: I've known this guy for 5 years, since I first moved to this area. We worked together, and then later ended up working at total of 3 different jobs together. We grew very close over the years, there was a point, about a year and a half ago, where there was a mutual attraction and interest between us, but he had a girlfriend so that fizzled out. I can say with all honesty that any interest I had in this person, it's gone now and I see him strictly as a friend. Or maybe a brother. But definitely not ever any thing more.

 

Unfortunately, he does not feel the same way. He is still quite interested in me, which is awkward, especially since I have a new boyfriend of 4 months. My male friend texts me excessively. Like sometimes an upward of 10-15 texts a day. He calls me most days. I occasionally respond to him, being friendly, but not nearly as much as he would like. I've told him, quite bluntly, that I am interested only in my boyfriend(who he's met). Not to mention my friend *still* has a girlfriend(and I remind him of this fact all the time!), the same one, however things are going badly between them.

 

My friend jokes with me, sometimes slightly inappropriately--like he'll tell me that he finds me attractive or that he'd do anything for me. He will blow up my phone with messages and calls. It gets old after awhile, but I'm not sure what to do about it other than just not respond--I don't want to hurt his feelings and honestly he's pretty much my only real friend and again, I reinforce that we BOTH are in relationships and that I am interested only in my boyfriend. I do not feel like I do anything to encourage him and I tell my boyfriend about everything that happens--such as if we hang out, or go to lunch at work(I work one day a week with him). I can tell it irks my boyfriend, but he's been very cool about it.

 

How can I nicely get my friend to back off? I'm just not interested in him that way and I have a boyfriend(who he knows all about). I would like for us to just remain *friends*. Keep in mind that this guy is pretty much my only and closest friend(other than my boyfriend), so I don't want to hurt his feelings.

[top bloke]

Sometimes peoples feelings must get hurt to realise the truth. You have made yourself clear on your position so what is there for him to understand? He should be a gentleman back off ,respect your space and be a better man. He is being selfish and disrespectful.

Tell him one more time seriously and if he doesnt listen then he needs to be no contacted. You cant be friends with someone who has a romantic interest in you without respect.Hope this helps

[thetruth]

Sometimes peoples feelings must get hurt to realise the truth. You have made yourself clear on your position so what is there for him to understand? He should be a gentleman back off ,respect your space and be a better man. He is being selfish and disrespectful.

Tell him one more time seriously and if he doesnt listen then he needs to be no contacted. You cant be friends with someone who has a romantic interest in you without respect.Hope this helps

 

perfectly said. you've already tried nice, that obviously didn't work.

[catfeeder]

Go for long periods without responding to his contact, then tell him you're falling in love with your new BF. If he doesn't phase out the contact on his own after that, do it for him.

 

If the guy has an agenda, he's not your friend.