He said he was gonna sleep w/someone else the night before his surgery

[skinny1211]

My boyfriend of 2yrs, have had many many problems. He told me he was going to sleep with another woman (that has caused plenty of issues between me and him) for the 2nd time and i decided enough was enough. the thing is, this happened the night before he was going into surgery to have a cancer lump removed from his neck. I found out from his sister that everything went good. I'm not sure if i should continue checking up on him or not. I do care about him, but i dont want him to get mixed signals if i call him. I dont want to say i love you and have him thinking that we are all good (cuz that is normally how our fights / break ups go, we never really call it quits), because i am truly fed up now. Any advice?

[Gilgamesh]

Your post is a bit difficult to understand, you mention your BF is going to sleep with another woman, and that he has told you this before..

 

first off, are you and him still BF?, or is he a past BF that is now only a "friend"?

 

If he is still your BF, why didn't you just dump him and move on the first time he said he was going to sleep with someone else?

 

And if your not dating anymore, why would you care what he does with any girl? unless you are still in love with him and he is not with you, which in this case means your just chasing dreams.

 

See? way to many ways to go with this, you need to be more specific and detailed.

[skinny1211]

he was my boyfriend until the night before his surgery. I dont know why i didnt leave him the first time. He said that he only said it out of anger and i forgave him. this last time though, I told him i never wanted to see or speak to him again. basically, I am just wondering if i should continue contact till he recovers from his surgery, or just cut it off now.

[HeartGoesOn]

There's no future with this guy. How could you forgive him for cheating on you not once, but twice?

 

Whether it was said out of anger, or not, he doesn't care about your feelings. How old is he?

[skinny1211]

he is 28 and i am almost 21

[Jd1983]

You can send him your regards, however I think it's best that you don't get back with him. If he has already stated that he wanted to sleep with other women, then you are only an option. Stop wasting your time on someone who isn't willing to waste your time on you. Be strong, and hold your ground.

[skinny1211]

thank you for your advice

[butrflyblue]

I think you are a really decent person for even caring if he told you he was going to sleep with another woman. Cancer or no cancer it does not give him a reason to be so hurtful. You deserve better and the only message I would send him is GOODBYE.

[loulee]

At 28 I would expect him to be showing far more maturity in this relationship NOT ensuring that you doubt him, cannot trust him or that he makes you very insecure. Saying these things is very hurtful they are also indicative of an emotionally abusive relationship and/or controlling, I am sure there are other things that he does and says that leave you feeling unworthy, and wondering if he cares about you deeply. perhaps his own fear of losing you is what causes him to say these threatening hurtful things, however this is clearly wrong and very emotionally damaging within any relationship. Maybe your younger age is also a threat to him? he needs to be accountable for HIS OWN actions, and seek forgiveness.. at no time should YOu feel the need to contact him. you can send you regards for a healthy recovery from his surgery but I would not contact him apart from this. You are the one who sets your own standards...allowing this behavour to be be okay is the same as saying it is okay to disrespect me...and to use threats of infidelity...he certainly goes for the jugular doesnt he??/ how nice of him and is he also now awaiting your sympathetic call over his surgery to overshadow his last words to you?.....take some time out and re evaluate this relationship are you really sure this is what you want.... I think you can fair better....If he truly valued you he would ensure that he apologised profusely for this...see if he does or if he waits for you to see HOW HE IS FEELING.. your answer lies here.

[skinny1211]

thank you greatly for your input loulee. well, he did like i thought he would and tried to seem like nothing happened. then when i told him i was serious about what i said, the apologies began. now, he was wrong and everything is his fault. i am out of town, and flowers showed up at the door.