UPDATE: What does this mean?????

[nagol818]

Short background:

Dated a guy for a year and a half. Had a very, very bad breakup 4 months ago and haven't talked to him since. He started seeing someone immediately....probably shortly before we had the very bad situation....and he is still seeing her but things aren't going so great between them and that doesn't necessarily mean they are breaking up but he was moving out of her house in 2 days....4 miles away. I ran into him recently(totally unexpected on both of our parts) and ended up spending the night with him. The night was full of little headgames.....ya know where things could be taken either way kinda stuff but I think it's safe to say he knew I still had feelings for him. In the morning he asked for my new cell number(he said he would call me in a day or two once he got situated)and made sure I had his cell but he hasn't called....that was 2 1/2 weeks ago.

 

I don't know what this stupid little part of our conversation means and you need to read into it for the answer...please help me figure it out.

 

I was telling him how I love my job and what's even greater about it is that it's right along the lines of marketing and that I always regretted not getting into marketing in college.

 

He says, "Did you see "What Women Want?"

I was like "Bits and pieces of it. Why did you bring that up?"

He said, "That movie has been on tv lately and Mel Gibson is in marketing."

I was just like, "Oh."

THEN HE SAYS, "I don't like to hurt people."

 

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN???? He doesn't like to hurt people? I didn't see the movie or don't I have to to understand what he meant??? I took it as he is about to hurt someone but WHO??? Me or the other girl????

[Hannibal]

I would say based on the situation he is probably regretting breaking up with you. After a bad break up people usually come to their senses a few months later and realize what they've done. However he could be thinking about leaving this other girl to move on to something new and feels bad.

Not to sure, you know him better then i do so go with your gut on this one.

[beloved2615]

I really have no clue what that meant. I never watched the movie all the way through either so I don't know if the movie meant anything or not. My only advice is to ask him what he meant. He may have meant that he was going to hurt one of you, or maybe that he was trying to say he was sorry about hurting you before, in a guys way just couldn't finish it. I am stump. I wish you luck and hope you find out what is going on.

[Princess777]

I don't think he meant anything by mentioning the movie at all. I think when you said "marketing" it just made him recall the movie because maybe he had just seen it. The movie was very funny and in the end they ended up together, but I dont' think that's where he was going with that. It think that mentioning the movie was purely conversational.

 

When he said, "I dont want to hurt people" I think he was talking about you. I think right now he is confused and that is why he hasn't called. It sounds like he just needs some time. Did you really expect him to call? Number one you shouldn't have slept with him if you did (remember that next time, that trust has to be earned back) but that's already over with. I know it's hard to say no when you're in that situation with your ex..... I guess what I'm saying is that I think he is hurting mostly from thinking about what things used to be like with you, combined with the frustration of the new relationship not working. Now he has nothing and he's trying to sort out his head. Guys need some time for that, until things are clear. It's not easy to jump back in with you right after what he's been through. I'm not saying he was right to break up with you but it happened, the other girl happened, etc...... it's done so now you're where you are, waiting for him to call. I think your best chances on getting this guy to fall for you again is no contact for right now. If he tries to contact you again, I would give him a little bit of a hard time on achieving that contact. Then once he does manage to get you on the phone or meet in person, don't sleep with him for a while!!!! If it's too easy to get you back he will not appreciate you. Unfortunately you have to do this.... and also you need to NOT forget that he dumped you for this other girl. So if you don't think you can handle that in the future or jealousy, etc...... you might choose to move on to someone else. Good luck.

[DragonGirl724]

hi there,

my ex says the same thing now & then out of the blue. that means he has a lot more goin on in HIS head than what comes out of his mouth. he misses you. & wen my ex & i do talk i think the dumper feels guilty of hurting someone who obviously loves them even though they broke their heart. it was a casual conversation he was making w/ u, I saw the movie it is about Mel Gibson getting sumthing he always wanted "the ability to know what people are thinking" and it kinda backfires on him. but no real tie there to ur situation. but maybe he is dying to know for sure if u still love him or not....hmmm??? but u said its pretty obvious he knows u still care for him so i dunno, sometimes people are oblivious even to the obvious. i think ur ex sees what a great & fun person u are & is so comfortable hangin out w/ u & feels guilty of hurting you EVER & risked losing that bond with you. hes confused as to where his heart lies....with this new chick, with u or maybe even with another girl. maybe he thinks hes repeating a pattern here of breaking hearts & feels bad about it. b/c he feels he does what his heart wants at the moment but in reality he doesnt know what his heart wants. my ex tells me all the time he feels so bad & guilty for breakin the heart of someone wholl give up their own life for him. but he feels he has to be alone right now & not be involved w/ girls. his other ex's didnt have the matured well established love that i had/have with him so he didnt give a $**t when he broke up with them, but he says he feels bad about it everyday with me though, and that plays a big factor as to why we dont talk much anymore he said he cant handle knowing im hurting & suffering b/c of a "conscious decision" he made. (the same probably goes for yours) so i believe u love ur ex & its probably the same kind of love i feel for mine. so he sees how much u care about him even tho he broke ur heart & it makes him question his decision making. probably the reason why he hasnt called you yet. he probably thinks if he acts too suddenely in any way he can screw up things more. take a breather *i know your pain im sorry u must feel it too* goodluck..

[nagol818]

It was a freaky bazarre place that I ran into him....hours from where either of us live. He lives two hours away from me now. I learned that his life is a mess right now, he's stressed and severely depressed. I spend the night with him and sometimes he would play little headgames with me. Anyone know the nutcase game? Anyway, I had an idea for him to stay another night up there. He said it might be possible because he had one guy leaving the next day(Tuesday) and he was going to catch a ride with him but he had another guy leaving the day after that(Wednesday) and he could catch a ride with him. His plan was to pack the next night(Tuesday) and move on Wednesday because he had off work. We worked out a plan where I was to call him at 3pm(Tuesday) and he would let me know. In the morning he asked for my cell number and made sure I had his. We run into each other at checkout. He's gazing at me like he just fell in love all over again. We part and at 1:30 I get a 50 second call from him sounding either stressed or tired. He says, "Hey listen. I have to head back. I'll give you a call in a day or two once I'm outta there and get situated. It was reeeeally good seeing you. I"m glad your doing better. I'll talk to ya real soon. Take care." That was it. Two weeks and 2 days go by, haven't heard from him so I send him an email. I don't know what to make of his response. My initial thought is that it's a blowoff but if I read into it, it's consistent with his flat, no expression way he was when I was with him AND it says a lot. I sent him a joke as an attachment with the email. What do all of you think of his response and what should I do now. (Notice that I didn't tell him when exactly I would be in White Plains again.) Don't say no contact because, like I said, he lives 2 hours away now. This email happened 1 week and 2 days ago.

 

My email. I sent it at 10am on a workday:

I am just sitting here at work and thought I would drop you a line or two(or 50). I think it took me a week to get over the initial shock of seeing you where I did. My heart still jumps when I think about it......blah, blah, blah...(7 more sentences about it.)

 

I was wondering how you are. I hope you are taking good care of yourself. I hope everything went well with the move. How about your car ordeal? Did you get everything worked out there?....blah, blah, blah....(3 more sentences about it.)

 

You didn't tell me to so I hope you don't mind but I told Kimmy(my daughter) that I ran into you. Her eyes lit up. She wants me to take her to play tennis over at your old townhouse.......blah, blah, blah....(2 more sentences about it.)

 

I thought it would be a good idea to let you know that I will be working in White Plains again. I think I remember you telling me that you've been up there a number of times so, just in case, I thought I could avoid anymore near heart attacks for either you or me by giving up both a heads up. lol

 

So then, he opens my email in 7 minutes and responds in 1 hour 2 minutes. This is what he says:

 

Hey! Our email system stripped out the attachment. Oh well.

Ya, I still laugh about that. Very freaky. lol.

Not too much new with me. My move went pretty well, I'm still getting

settled, but it's good.

Unfortunately I won't be in White Plains until May sometime. I'm in

Manhattan next week.

 

Glad to hear you're doing well.

Take care.