telling the difference between flirting and just being nice

[peebo]

I've missed several opportunities because when a girl was acting interested, I mistook it for mere friendliness and responded in kind. I missed my window of opportunity and found out about it later. I have also misread the intentions of some women, thinking they were interested when they weren't. Their behaviors were similar to former, but each person is different so whatever. This is a common problem and I'm sure most guys can relate.

 

On the other hand, many girls have told me that it's very easy for them to tell when a guy likes them or not. The only guys I know who send out "mixed signals" to girls are doing it intentionally to draw them in more. Most guys don't do this, though.

 

But since we're the ones who initiate everything, this can be frustrating sometimes...I for one never seem to get it right...

[Huzzah_89]

body language is what i look for really, i used to be really bad at this too, but some experience helps. The big give away that she may be interested is touchung you or coming closer to you physically.

 

A friendly pat on the arm is generally what i look for.

[dr_styles]

I was just about to post a similar thing to this; I didn't think it was deserving of it's own thread because it's more just me being stuck in the past for the moment, so I think I'll just stick it here being an illustrating situation, I think.

 

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About 1~2 months ago I had a general shopping day and went into a store for shoes, and there is a cute (imo ofcourse) girl who was staffing that area. The store was multi-level so what happened was to try out shoes there was like a ramp which literally looked like a kids slide to the upper level, and the girl would push a few buttons on the intercom to signal someone to fetch and send down the pairs to try. It was Sunday arvo so it was a quiet day too, at least that area.

OK the result of all that meant there were no other disruptions like other customers needing help and there'd be wait times between getting shoes. Sure enough had some small talk starting with that slide, some small jokes how it's a kid's slide and apparently some kids have wanted to at times. Now she never seemed that enthusiastic or anything. Just a nice friendly lines about the slide and working on a Sunday. I also noticed she was wearing a blank ring on that ring finger (yep, aww pity). I see tried to confirm her status by mentioning during the Sunday conversation on how her family and friends think of it. She didn't say much ...

Anyway during one of those waits, she asks "so what are you doing after this?". Now at the time, I kinda gave a dud answer (stupid regardless of the situation I know), because: 1. it's a common question for a Sunday arvo (guys have asked me that before too), 2. the ring; even though the ring was black, she was caucasian and being my generation at least could easily be married or engaged.

 

In hindsight, that ring could've just been a fashion thing (and tbh I don't know why you'd want to wear anything on there if your single and not wanting to avoid being asked), and I could've said I was going to grab a coffee after the shopping - which I really did do! - and straight out say "if you weren't ... you know (point/rub ring finger) .. I'd ask you to join me". But yeah all those classic non-verbal signs that a girl's interested? None.

 

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But in short yes, even outside that situation I've wondered a lot myself too.

The guy's job is hard enough as it is!

[MorphyGyps]

Screw the signs, you should have just gone for it. Just say, "Well I was going to do but I wouldn't mind some company, wanna join?" or something to that effect. If she's married or has bf she'd tell you just say "Oh I'm sorry my bad!" and move in. Cut and dry.

[dr_styles]

Yeah I know Another lessoned learnt for next time ... if there ever is one.

[Sukotto]

Reading body language requires practice, before a girl would have to hold a huge sign saying "I'M INTERESTED IN YOU" for me to get it, but with experience you'll eventually pick it up.

 

After missing a few signs I decided to just jump in head first and see where it gets me, most of the time I appear to be reading it pretty well.

[guitargirl1607308056]

After missing a few signs I decided to just jump in head first and see where it gets me, most of the time I appear to be reading it pretty well.

 

This is the way to go. As it was said earlier, if she's not interested she'll tell you but otherwise if you sense some attraction, go for it. The worst she can say is no.

[peebo]

This is the way to go. As it was said earlier, if she's not interested she'll tell you but otherwise if you sense some attraction, go for it. The worst she can say is no.

 

Thank you for your input. I guess I'll just keep trying and maybe eventually I'll get it.

[dr_styles]

Screw the signs, you should have just gone for it. Just say, "Well I was going to do but I wouldn't mind some company, wanna join?" or something to that effect. If she's married or has bf she'd tell you just say "Oh I'm sorry my bad!" and move in. Cut and dry.

 

Yeah I know Another lessoned learnt for next time ... if there ever is one.

 

Thought I'd post a little conclusion to this (it's a fizzer). Passed the shop today and she was working today, again a quiet time so I popped in to say. It had been a while so I said "hey fancy seeing you again". After a tiny delay she remembered (I hope) and said I was going, yada yada yada. Now this time I noticed a ring on that finger again ... this time very very much of the wedding band variety. So just stuck to a nice quick chat. I know I should be getting used to rejection, but maybe when it's not quite so guaranteed ... but look I still do have a slight curiosity as to what would have happened if I did ask her out that first time.