semiissac Posted September 12, 2009 Share Posted September 12, 2009 I've been seeing someone I met online. Things have been great ... there's a real connection there and I find myself so excited to see or even talk to him! It's been fast, but still good ... or so I thought. The other night, he told me he's been talking to someone else he met online. I have no clue what to thiink of this. Obviously, I'm hurt and upset. But at the same time, I feel like how can I be upset. We met online and I can't expect him to just drop all communication with anyone else he was chatting with. BUT ... during the convo, he kept saying he really likes me and has a good feeling about us and all this other stuff in an effort to make me feel better about the situation. He claims he's just telling me because he wants to be completely honest and said he would be ok with me talking to other people as well, but that if I was, I needed to be upfront and honest and tell him about it. It just so happens that I'm not ... not necessarily because of him, but because I just haven't met anyone worth continuing a "relationship" with. I feel like even if I was talking to someone ... I wouldn't tell him about it unless there was something to tell. From that perspective, I feel like he told me because there IS something to tell. I told him that I'm not sure how I feel and I'm not sure if I want to continue seeing him ... just because I'm not interested in getting more attached than I already am and only being hurt in the long run should he decide he'd rather make an effort with her. I have no idea what the extent of this "talking" is ... it could be completely harmless and something I'm throwing way out of context, but like I said ... why else would he tell me about it, unless there was something to tell?! When I told him I didn't know if I wanted to continue seeing him, he practically begged me not to do it ... again, saying he was sorry and he really likes me and wants to make this work and we owe it to each other to try. I thought he would back off and not talk to me for a few days, but the next day he texted me. I'm just so confused. I do like him, a lot. Probably a lot more than I should at this point, but I can't help it. It feels right, or at least it felt right prior to all this crap. But like I said, walking away right now would be a lot easier on me. Any ideas ... first of all, on why he would even tell me he's talking to someone else ... second, why he's talking to someone else if he likes me as much as he says and wants to make things work between us ... and third, what I should do at this point? Link to comment
D_Lish Posted September 12, 2009 Share Posted September 12, 2009 He mentioned it and because he's viewing her as dating/relationship material.....someone that could come to mean, something more to him..... He's unsure where he stands with her, at this moment in time. Soon as she clicks her fingers and takes up his offer/reciprocates his interest.....he will drop you like a 'hotcake'.... Before you get too attached, I'd bail now..... Link to comment
flash83 Posted September 12, 2009 Share Posted September 12, 2009 i say its a positive that he told you despite that it isn't a thing that someone should say even though it is implied. i would take his word for it that he wants to be honest with you because he feels deceptive that he is seeing someone else. if he wanted his message to hint to you that he isn't interested he wouldn't have kept contacting you. how many dates have you been on? i look at seeing multiple people this way: i may initially really like someone but as i get to know them i may lose interest. i can't stop seeing other people just because i like someone early on. Link to comment
BriarRose Posted September 12, 2009 Share Posted September 12, 2009 He mentioned it and because he's viewing her as dating/relationship material.....someone that could come to mean, something more to him..... He's unsure where he stands with her, at this moment in time. Soon as she clicks her fingers and takes up his offer/reciprocates his interest.....he will drop you like a 'hotcake'.... Before you get too attached, I'd bail now..... .. Once again, I'm with D Lish on this. I am sorry, I know it's not what you want to hear, but assuming you've been out several times and he told you this "news", I would drop him. His honesty is admirable, but he is looking at other relationship prospects. Link to comment
annie24 Posted September 12, 2009 Share Posted September 12, 2009 my take is a little different. i think you need to, and push yourself to, keep contacting and dating other men online. and he should know that you will continue to date more men. i know this is hard. i would give this guy a few more weeks, get to know him a little better (while guarding your heart) but keep dating other men. i'll tell you a story. a friend of mine was doing online dating. he signed up for a 1 month subscription. he met a girl the first week online. after 3 weeks of dating, she wanted to know where they stood. he said he really liked her, but he had 1 more week left on his subscription, and wanted to get his money's worth. ( yes, my friend is an idiot). anyways, he continued contacting women online and went on another date. the girl he met, the one he had been dating for 3 weeks, really liked him, was hurt, but decided to go ahead and do the same thing, so she accepted a few more dates from other men. and the next week, my guy friend told her that he wanted to just be with her. they wound up dating for several years. so, lol. there you go. he might not be ready to stop contact with other women, but i don't think that means you are 'out of the game.' i think you should do as this guy's gf did, and continue going on dates yourself, and see if he steps up his game. if he doesn't, i would let him go. good luck Link to comment
semiissac Posted September 12, 2009 Author Share Posted September 12, 2009 We've seen each other four times within the last two weeks ... we've been talking for almost six months. When he first told me, he said he doesn't think anything will come of it, but he just wanted to be honest and upfront with me. That makes me think maybe it's nothing and he's simply doing just that ... being completely honest with me. I also feel like the fact that he contacted me the next day means he's sincere in wanting to make an effort with me. I know that dating is all about the ups and downs ... and it could be great one day and totally awful the next ... and you never really know about someone, you just have to give it time. He's asked for that ... time. He said we (or probably really just me) need to stop thinking about it so much and just react. He said he has a good feeling about us and me and we need to continue seeing each other to see where it's going ... In a way, I do feel like he told me this thinking it wasn't going to be such a big deal to me. Thinking he was just being "a good guy" with the honesty and expecting me to say I've been talking to/seeing other people as well. Obviously, I didn't and when I got upset, he made the comment that he wishes he hadn't said anything at all because he didn't mean to hurt me. Link to comment
annie24 Posted September 12, 2009 Share Posted September 12, 2009 hm. why were you guys talking online for 6 months without meeting? Link to comment
semiissac Posted September 12, 2009 Author Share Posted September 12, 2009 Haahah, well we're both very busy. He travels a lot on the weekends for work and I'm usually at the office until late on weekdays. Not the best excuse, but I suppose it just wasn't really a priority for me (despite liking him so much). Over the last three or four months, it's been via texting ... him texting me every few days to see if I was busy and if I wanted to meet. I think really a part of me was scared to meet him because I knew I was going to like him, A LOT. So instead of just sucking it up and getting it over with, I continued to put it off ... and he continued to text me, not giving up. He did mention the other night that he really never expected us to ever meet, let alone like each other as much as we do. I just don't know ... one minute I feel like I'm being way over-emotional and I need to stop being such a stupid girl and just have fun and go with it. But then I think about getting hurt and I don't want to put myself in that position (really, who does?!) ... but I guess that's all part of liking someone and putting yourself out there. But going into it knowing he's already talking to and most likely likes someone else means I already have one strike against me. Link to comment
annie24 Posted September 12, 2009 Share Posted September 12, 2009 hm. well, i don't know what to say! my take on online dating is that the intended outcome is to date and maybe wind up in a relationship. kind of hard to do if one person is hesitant to meet. and now you have met. i don't blame him for not dropping everyone and committing to you - afterall, you did seem rather hesitant to meet him, so i can see why he's still searching around before committing to anything. i think you have to take online dating a little less seriously, force yourself to meet some new men, and see what happens with this guy. good luck! Link to comment
semiissac Posted September 12, 2009 Author Share Posted September 12, 2009 Ha! Point taken ... thanks for the eye-opener! Link to comment
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