Something I felt the need to write today

[startinover]

This is not going to be sent to anyone, however this is how I feel in my mind and I wanted to share it with all of you.

_________________________

Dear ______,

 

I am sorry for any pain I may have caused you, and I forgive you for the pain that you caused me. Although I believe we had some wonderful times, I finally understand that you and I are different in our needs, goals, and expectations.

 

I feel that I placed unbelievable pressure on you to be a certain way, a way that I believed would be beneficial to both of us. I know now that I was wrong and completely unfair as we are different people. Although it was extremely hard seeing you, I'm glad I got a chance to apologize in person.

 

I expect nothing in return, but I very much hope that you take good care of yourself, and live a life that fulfills you.

 

If our paths should ever cross again, or if you should ever want to reach out, I would not have a problem with it at all.

 

If not, that is okay, and I will not harbor any resentment towards you.

 

Hope all is well!

[Lavender25]

Actually, this is one of the better written letters I've seen here on ENA.

I didn't hear any kind of resentment. It sounds very heartfelt and not desperate at all.

As long as all of this is genuine I wouldn't see a problem with sending it. Just make sure you actually feel what you are expressing in your letter.

 

The only issue I have with it is the "reaching out" part. Makes it sound like if the ex ever changed his/her mind about the decision to break up than they know you will always be there to take them back. I don't know if that's the feeling you want to express. I wonder if there is a way to reword that and let them know that you aren't going to put your life on hold?

[Celestialagape54]

Actually, this is one of the better written letters I've seen here on ENA.

I didn't hear any kind of resentment. It sounds very heartfelt and not desperate at all.

As long as all of this is genuine I wouldn't see a problem with sending it. Just make sure you actually feel what you are expressing in your letter.

 

The only issue I have with it is the "reaching out" part. Makes it sound like if the ex ever changed his/her mind about the decision to break up than they know you will always be there to take them back. I don't know if that's the feeling you want to express. I wonder if there is a way to reword that and let them know that you aren't going to put your life on hold?

 

I agree, a very well written letter. It seems like you have accepted that the relationship is over so don't make it seem like you are willing to put your life on hold for anyone else.

[startinover]

Lavendar: Thank you for your kind words. For me, I am not trying to get back with my ex and I feel that I would be okay with having a friendship at this point.

 

My life was turned upside down by the past relationship due to circumstances outside of my control, and it took me this long to find my answers and begin to recover from the emotional trauma.

 

I have grown SO much in this past year. In the beginning, it was pain, then baby steps, a lot of listening, and paying attention. Several people helped me grow tremendously, and a book called "No More Mr. Nice Guy" solidified my newfound viewpoint.

 

I used to be a whiny, manipulative, hurtful "nice guy", but all of this helped me realize the error of my ways. It's funny how much easier life and relationships are when you are not a "nice guy" but a good person who puts himself first. You don't have to search for answers, rather, you become the answer and everything else ends up either fitting or not fitting. It really is the best way to live.

 

I would even suggest women to read the book as well, as it makes life so much simpler, less stressful, and more real.

 

It's funny. I can tell people now how I feel about things and work my way through any discussion or situation without much difficulty and much less struggle now.

 

It didn't make seeing the ex randomly this past weekend any easier, but it shed light on how I should feel about our past, accept what is, let go of the pain and sorrow, and apologize for any misdeeds... I have become more whole, and I can look forward and open up my life to future happiness, and let go of the useless crap.

[ebik]

wow!! well done startinover!!! it sounds like you have it all worked out and have healed! Seems like you have accepted and are maybe even over the breakup now. Can I ask how long it has been for you??