Dating a Girl for 7-8 Months, Roller coaster

[deff808]

I been dating this girl from work, very off and on.

She's a Manager, i'm just a employee in separate departments for a Hotel.

 

Mostly every other week, there is some conflict of people getting into our business. We're trying to keep it very on the down-low.

 

For example, if i go out, one of my co-workers would see me out. Just hanging out a bar with some girl/guy friends, and they would tell the girl i'm seeing.

Which leads to Alot of unnecessary things.

 

In the beginning, was very awkward. We started to get a little more serious Earlier this month. We would not talk for like a week, or one casual lunch date during the week. She started sleeping over my house this month, maybe several times. On our days off together. We had like only two days, of actually being together on our day off, doing outdoor activities.

 

She is already telling me " I love You "

 

So i ask her why is not ready to be in a relationship with me. We been seeing each other for so long. Me and her get along very well, we talk a lot on the phone. And can talk forever in person, giggles/laughs etc...

 

We would have to watch ourself in public as well, she already did get approach from other bosses that she shouldn't be seeing employees since shes a Manager at work. Or people would rat us out, they seen us at some restaurant for dinner. In other words, a lot of people are Jealous! She is very attractive, shes 23 /single mom and i'm 25.

 

Shes very insecure about herself as well. She gets really jealous that i talk or i have other girl friends, or hear stories of me going out meeting new people. But i told her "you are the only one!" I can't sit at home and feel miserable when you dont return my calls!

 

Alot of times she would say, we have to end it, because she could or i could get fired due to work. Than we would start seeing each other again or talking again couple days later. Roller Coaster! We see each other like 3-5 times a week, 8hr shifts or even more.

 

 

Shes not ready to be in relationship due to

 

* Work, we could get fired

* Maybe there is no TRUST

* Maybe shes not ready

etc... etc....

 

Also!!! This would break the spirit.

 

She has a previous ex bf/bf/dating on the side. He got station in a millitary base out of state. Thats why, when he left in August. We started to get more serious of hanging out with each other! She said he is very over protective over her son she has. I guess they been together for couple of years or so.

They argue all the time, pyhsco, over protective etc.. etc....

 

But she would rather talk or see me, to avoid that situation. They get into alot of fights, when she started to open up to me. I been going threw this hot n cold. When he comes to visit over the weekend, she wouldn't call or return my calls, until he leaves.

I told her "Why wont you get rid of him!"

 

We had a discussion today, i drop her off at work.

 

One of my buddies seen her and the dude, at the carnival fair over the weekend. Thats why i haven't heard from her for few days. I knew it! He was down here over the weekend.

So i played dumb without knowing it, i figure she would tell me sooner or later. Than last night, she accuses me of going out, when she was with him. If my friends wants to hang out, i will go out, if she is ignoring me.

Example, " You met your new girl friend huh! My friends seen you out! I thought you were gonna stay home and be a good boy! "

 

Yes! So i told her "You know what, i have to say this! My buddies seen you at the fair! Why didn't you tell me about it!"

 

She likes to do reverse psychology, blaming it on me, or i making her mad. That i haven't done anything wrong! Putting the guilt on me, when she is the one lieing to me! Understand.... Shes good at it to! Thats why i avoid it... She says "well you didn't ask!"

Oh my god!

 

She said today, he might come home this weekend again as well.

 

 

I dunno how long i can go threw this, if i didn't even care. I would just say whatever, friends with benefits. But threw this time, we already love each other, the feeling is there, the care-ness is there, passion etc....

She has to make a choice!!! Regardless of the work environment we have.

She said " i don't want to be enemies or hate each other!"

Red flag!

 

I have to pick her up later this evening from work. Maybe she cool down a bit, she was mad at first with the conversation, silent treatment, than she came very emotional.

 

She invited to me a BBQ last night, i met her parents and brother. They like me a lot! And she stayed over my crib. We had a little discussion last night, watching some stars, accuse sing me of going out, meeting other people. * * * ! I figure she would tell me that bf came home, so i waited for today to drop the bomb. I didn't want to ruin the night.

Than she says "well is this how gonna be all the time, when you find out something, you will hold it in and not let me know!

 

She is actually making me whipped or controlling me. When she is the very one doing all the mistakes. Tell you the truth, i like her alot and yes i i'm in love. We're already dug ourself a hole. If the love wasn't there, than it would be a different story.

 

I have super close guy/girl friends, i tell them everything. I need people to talk to! She is "why are you telling them about us huh!!!!!" I only talk about the details to one of my close buddy and one of my other girl friend that is like a sister to me.

 

Before she walked out my door i told her " You have to make a choice, me or him or relationship, work etc.... Either one, you will make one of us Hurt and the number one person will be hurt is YOU! Don't regret it, and no one can take our feelings away from us, because i know its in our hearts! And its already to late, we're already in the hole"

 

She gave me a hug and kiss, and i seen a tear in her eye.

 

 

What do i do! ](*,)

[Esteller]

the best thing to do is stick to what u said.. u know what needs to be done u put 1 and 1 togehter and used your heart and brain...

[alli]

This is way too much drama. It sounds like she already has a boyfriend, not really committed enough to either of you but too committed to each to make this situation "okay". If she has already been told by her supervisors that she cannot date an employee (and assumingly, the company has a written policy stating this), than this relationship will not ever be able to go anywhere as long as you both work there.

 

She sounds hypocritical in that she gets jealous of you hanging out with others while she is hanging out with her boyfriend/ex/father of her child. Meanwhile, are you spending one on one time with other females? Because that isn't right either. Hanging out in a group is fine, one on one should not be happening when you are involved with someone.

 

Honestly I think the best solution would be to end this... whatever it is. It's going nowhere. Sorry.

[deff808]

Drama QUEEN!

 

I do not hang out with 1-1 female friends. Its like me with couple of my guy friends with 3-5 other girls. I have alot of girl friends, but they're just FRIENDS. Like she has guy friends to, like brothers/sister or someone always to talk to. Everyone does!

 

She thinks all the girls i have, is threat to her.

 

Seriously, i'm scared to even go out, i was staying home for awhile, making sacfrices because i know someone will see me, and tell her.

 

Because the rumor has already started in the hotel, we seeing each other. And her boss told her "be more careful!"

 

Because the boss or another manager is dating a employee too.

 

Our hotel is small, everyone know each other business at work.

[alli]

Drama QUEEN!

 

I do not hang out with 1-1 female friends. Its like me with couple of my guy friends with 3-5 other girls. I have alot of girl friends, but they're just FRIENDS. Like she has guy friends to, like brothers/sister or someone always to talk to. Everyone does!

 

She thinks all the girls i have, is threat to her.

 

Seriously, i'm scared to even go out, i was staying home for awhile, making sacfrices because i know someone will see me, and tell her.

 

Because the rumor has already started in the hotel, we seeing each other. And her boss told her "be more careful!"

 

Because the boss or another manager is dating a employee too.

 

Our hotel is small, everyone know each other business at work.

 

 

Oh okay, if you are always hanging out in a group I think she is being too jealous & controlling. Probably projecting her own behaviors onto you. Since she isn't being 100% commited to you, she is afraid that you are the same as her.

 

If there isn't a specific company policy involving inter-company relationships, than her job is not in jeapordy. Logically they wouldn't fire her if she's not breaking the rules, and other people within the company are doing the same. Perhaps he was reminding her to be more discreet.

 

However, the issue still stands that she is involved with the other guy. He will probably always be in her life, as they have a child together. And, you have been seeing each other for quite a long time considering the level of non-commitment. It's already been the good part of a year; how long are you going to wait for her to be willing to be "official" with you? Unless you are satisfied with a pseudo-non committed relationship, one would assume you would eventually want more than to be her insignificant other. I wonder if it will ever happen, since it hasn't yet in such a long period of time.

 

BTW, if my boyfriend went out to a fair with his ex girlfriend & their child & didn't tell me (hypothetical, since he doesn't have any kids) but anyway, if that happened, I would consider that cheating and I wouldn't be hanging out to see what happened next.

[deff808]

Yes! Thats the answer i was looking for! Professional being

 

And yes our policy does have a strict policy, no managers should connect with associates etc... But all the managers break the rules of hanging out with other employees, example a birthday party.

 

But for dating, that is more strict. Manger could get fired and employee probably get suspended.

 

I miss understood, her child is 6yrs old. She was pregnant when she was a Senior in high school. The father of the child is long gone.

 

The current BF she has, is a new guy. She met at work, at a previous job. They been together maybe 1-3yrs i think, off and on type. He was station at Philippines for awhile, and she was seeing someone on the side as well. She clipped that guy, and be back with the guy at Philippines. Than when they were going threw problems, as why she connected with me.

 

She cryes to me all the time about work, life, her ex bfs, her son, family, about us etc...

 

I would not be suprised when i pick her up from work. Someone will definelty get hurt, or we would continue this as more discreet or she has made a choice.

I can't be a side salad anymore!

 

She always say "do whatever you want, because i'm not your gf/bf!

 

She would be so pissed, she would not talk to me for like 2-3 days. That i haven't done anything wrong!!!

 

 

As why, i being patient because i feel i do not want to regret this later down the road....

 

I care about this girl alot! I actually found someone that i could actually connect with, me and her like to do pretty much anything. We have a lot of fun together!

 

She always scare me "your the one, can you man up of being a father, can you man up getting married etc..."

 

Some of her friends tell me, "take care of her! She has been threw alot, i don't know if shes ready, but she has been hurt alot of times!"

[alli]

Oh I see, so he's not the father.

 

She sounds like she's all over the place. Telling you one thing, then getting upset with you for hanging out with other females in a group-setting. My ex put rules in place like that. He said that even if I was going with a group to the movies, say 8 girls and 1 guy (even if it's another girl's boyfriend) I couldn't go, because a guy was in the group. It was ridiculous. I think she is paranoid of you not being faithful to her because she is not faithful to you.

 

Some people will date multiple people until they choose one or none, and that is widely acceptable. However, this girl is not choosing anyone. She is keeping all of you within an arms reach, and it isn't right.

 

So really, it sounds like both of your jobs could be in danger if you take this too far. Another reason she probably doesn't want to be "official" with you. As long as both of you are working there, you can never have a regular relationship, where it is okay to show affection in person & acknowledge each other. I wouldn't be satified being a side dish either! I think it is in your best interests to let this one go so you are available when another girl comes along that is ready and willing to be your girl, officially.

[deff808]

Thats the #1 reason, she is holding back due to WORK.

 

She said it would be different, if we both didn't work with each other.

 

She was the first one to approach me and ask me out for a date. I was stunned!

 

From security, F&b, front house, front desk, maintence ask her out for a date.

 

When some of them found out, they're super jealous and always ask me or her if we're dating.

 

Even my boss ask her out for a date...

 

I guess i'm the lucky one!

 

I dunno where to begin with this conversation, i'm gonna let her speak and i'll speak my side....