messy breakup and trying to move on

[britt]

I am 19 years old, a sophomore in college, and I broke up a few days ago with my boyfriend of nearly two years. We got together in the middle of our senior year of high school and went through a year at separate colleges, three hours apart. Because we were in a long distance relationship for so long, sure things got very rocky, but we always tried to overcome whatever problems we had. I always had a bad feeling that he had cheated on me because of the huge rut we were in at the beginning of our first semester at separate colleges. He always said things like "I only have eyes for you" and "My dad did that to my mom, so I could never do that to anyone." But sure enough, I find out over the summer that he had cheated on me for about a month. He said that he and the girl did not have sex, she said they did multiple times. But either way I guess it doesn't matter. Because we had been in such a horrible rough spot and I trusted that it wouldn't happen again, I decided to try to forgive and move on in our relationship.

 

Summer is rocky due to me finding out about the cheating, but it gradually gets better. And by the time we go back up to school, (the same college this time), everything is fine. Then randomly out of the blue i see a text on his phone telling my best friend something about not saying anything to me about what they talked about. I asked him what it was about and he told me that he accidently let a secret of mine slip. I wasn't exactly pleased but it was my best friend and I knew she wouldn't judge so I let it go. Then, the next day I talk to my friend and find out that he "vented" for around an hour to her about all the negative qualities about me and telling her about all our fights (exaggerating for sure). From what my friend told me it wasn't like he was venting about our last fight, he was almost selling me out. It's one thing when other people talk about you behind your back but the person who is supposed to love and care about you the most should not be the one to do that.

 

I have decided, between the cheating and the completely betraying me like he did last week, to break up with him. Like I said, this was a nearly two year relationship and I am not taking this well at all. I did not want to break up with him but his actions have forced me to. I've tried to sum this story up the best I can. Even though I broke up with him, I feel like I was the one dumped because it wasn't like I was emotionally detached from him. I just feel like I need more self respect and there has to be someone out there that won't do that right???

[curious11]

There are plenty of guys out there that will treat you right, and you will be able to trust them all the time. I think your making a good decision, just make sure that you do whats best for you. It may hurt for a while, but letting go can be a lot less painful than holding on.

[riley123]

So you found out that he cheated on you months ago -- multiple times -- and you stayed with him? Why?

 

Why would you tolerate that type of behavior? Respect yourself and others will respect you. Don't ever waste your time with another who will cheat on you.

 

You absolutley did the right thing. This is supposed to be the best time in your life, you're in college. Have fun...meet people...learn about yourself. Don't worry about this guy...he's not worth your time.

[britt]

well, he cheated for a month. he says they didn't have sex... she says they did. either way he cheated so i don't care to find out what really happened. so it wouldn't surprise me if he's lied about many other things. i guess i just wanted it to work so badly i was willing to put my self respect to the side... bad decision on my part... i just don't get why it hurts so much if he's this big jerk. i know i definitely shouldn't love him anymore but for some reason i do..

[KiNo]

You do love him girl....you do... for the reason that only you yourself know.

 

I have had the exact situation you do now... Try to move on, he did cheat on you but that doesn't stop you to stop loving him. In fact, forgive an accept that he had dissapointed you so much and move on, yea, there are alot more guys that will give themselves in for you, you are still young, like me...

 

We both have a lot of chances in the future, take it as a lesson in your life. Its okay to fail in relationship, moreover, its his fault, not yours. He don't deserve you, ANY cheater DON'T. Be strong and move on. I'm on your side~

[britt]

thanks for your help. i never thought these forum things would help but the comments so far are really helping me. talking about it instead of keeping it locked up inside is really nice.

 

i liked the part about how you said it's ok to fail in relationships. i give absolutely 100% in everything i do and i think a big reason why i'm feeling this much pain is because it's so hard to give up on us. but it is ok. just another lesson learned

[Chickenjuice]

I think you should believe what she says. Don't doubt for a second that they had sex, multiple times. And, he's definitely kind of a jerk.

 

Breaking up hurts even if you're leaving a bad situation. You are doing the right thing. Stay strong!

[mgirl]

was willing to put my self respect to the side...

 

This is never a good decision. I put mine aside too and am trying to get it back. It's a long hard road. I've only got 10-15% of it at the moment and can't for the life of me, work out how to get it back. But, it can be done.