drag me down

[pivotal]

Over the course of a month, I spent considerable time getting to know a woman. Initially, the right signs were presented which told me to continue the momentum. She is 27, I'm 33.

 

Over the course of a couple weeks, she realized that attraction was strong between us which eventually led to her identifying us as exclusive. Things generally went well. I modified my schedule in order to spend time with her, thus continuing to show my interest. Her interest was mirrored with obvious enjoyment and affection.

 

Toward the third and fourth week, her condescending attitude and misdirected hostility began. She sent me email expressing interest in a couple books. I basically reviewed their synopsis, said thanks and I will keep them in mind. Later, I received an angry lecture that I had no respect for literature because of my lacking response and the fact that I didn't instantly read the books.

 

Another example. A night that we spent several hours together, I walked her home, then she walked me home (being only 1/4 mile apart). We talked on my steps for a while and then I had to get inside as it was late and my teen daughter was waiting on me. This later came out of nowhere in the form of a text message saying I was a loser because of giving attention to my daughter instead of her. And, I owed her at least $70 worth of flowers.

 

The last (and final straw) was after getting to know her hobbies, desires etc. I told her what really influences me in the arts and music and that it would be nice to let my creativity flourish in some form one day. She told me that even though art comes natural to her (and she can draw better than me, of course) that art and music is hedonistic and a waste of time. She claims to be a rare eccentric and insults people who wear brand names because they are slaves to fashion and marketing. Not realizing that her thrift store purchases were brand names at some point.

 

She hasn't had a relationship last more than 6 months, which provides partial explanation. I spoke to her calmly and got to the bottom of some of her anger sources which always seem misdirected. It seemed she could simultaneously belittle and ask for advice.

 

At a loss as to how I can be so understanding and respectful and have someone treat me like dirt.

 

So, we have a case of girl in the ivory tower, someone who is socially inept, lives by a strange list of ideals, suffers from superiority complex or hasn't dealt with a lot of past hurt.

 

At this point I'm just fuming and feel sorry for her.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Be grateful you only wasted a month on her!

[jettison]

What a coincidence. I've been dating your girlfriend for 10 months! Actually, that's a big exaggeration on my part, but sometimes it feels that way. Most people act the way that she does out of insecurity. So, you can wait it out if you like them enough, and hope that their security grows, or more likely, you can cut and run, and then count your blessings. If you really like the person, this can be a hard call. If they are mostly just annoying you, however, then this is a rather easy decision.

[Casey13]

You're lucky you didn't get tangled up deeper emotionally with a person of this sort. Good thing her signs came out early. I know that some people with such inconsistencies do their dearest to not have these peronality traits surface until they are sure they have you hooked accordingly emotionally. It's a controlled release cycle with many of them, in that the more they have you wrapped around them emotionally the more brutal they get. Many people end up helplessly trapped in such relationships which in many cases end up abusive. I've seen it happen so good for you for finding an exit at the right time.