Should i tell my straight friends? And how?

[my-junk-is-you]

Basically i don't know how on earth to tell my straight friends (all girls) about my sexuality (or even if i should tell them?)

 

Forced under a label i am probably defined bisexual but i'm still young so still somewhat questioning as i meet new people and experience new things you know.

 

I'm not ashamed of my sexuality but i guess i rather care to much what others think (however bad that may be) and i'm scared of the aftermath of just saying i am bisexual to my friends and how they might judge me and treat me.

 

for a while i've been trying to suss out my friends attitudes towards lgbt but i get different messages. Gay men they think are cool (because of the camp sterotype) but when rumours get spread around that someone's a lesbian it gets a "omg her? with her?" And to quote one friend the other day on bisexuality "what's up with people, just make a f-in choice". Half of me just screamed to enlighten her rude ignorance but the other half told me to shut up and say nothing because else they'd guess.

 

The thing is these are people i've spent years with so part of me wants to just come out and say it because if they're my friends it shouldn't matter. I've told a few of them that i've been hit on by girls before but never told them my secret glee at that. and as i have still had relationships/ish with boys i don't think they suspect the girl side.

 

I'm scared to tell because i think they're going to act differently after i've told them. I have never looked at any of them in a sexual way and don't think i ever could but I don't want them to be awkward if we want to go swimming or immediately assume i'm attracted to them if i compliment them on their hair.

 

I know all of this so far kinda leans towards don't tell but the thing is this is who i (am pretty sure i) am but i feel like the secrecy is denying who i am and also lying to my friends. Like they don't really know me at all. My family i will not be comfortable telling for a very long time as my parents are very conservative, old fashioned principles, goes against the bible types and as yet the only other people i've told are a gay friend and lesbian aqquaintance in a separate social circle. I knew they were obviously gonna be fairly understanding and they were.

 

So should i not tell and grit my teeth through throwaway comments they don't understand can be offensive? And pretend to fancy the guy in the movie when i think the girl is hotter some of the time.

 

Or do i tell them and risk things being weird? Risk the rumours being spread round- particularly if they might ever reach my parents. But i'd at least be true to myself??

 

i'd appreciate any helpful comments advice. Thank you for reading and sorry for blabbing on but just writing this down is actually kinda clearing my head which is good.

 

x

[sunset sun rise lover]

i think you should tell them how you feel and like you said if they are your friends it shouldnt matter hope i helped .

[gapeachcutie]

I think you should tell your friends what is going on. If you tell them and they react horribly then maybe give them some time to process all of it and if they treat you badly then they were not your friends, but if they treat you like they always had..then those are the best friends you can have. Stay strong and keep your head up. I hope this helped

[chcmb43]

I think you should tell your friends what is going on. If you tell them and they react horribly then maybe give them some time to process all of it and if they treat you badly then they were not your friends, but if they treat you like they always had..then those are the best friends you can have. Stay strong and keep your head up. I hope this helped

 

I agree. Humans are creatures of habit, but time heals all wounds. When I came out to my mom, it took 2 years before it finally clicked that I was happy being with men, and that my happiness is what mattered the most to her. You are young, so everything feels rushed; it has to be now or never!!!!!

 

But, you must make your own decisions to live your own life, and others around you must do the same. If they accept you, accept them and understand and appreciate their friendship. If they don't, then calmly let them go, and open your eyes to the other 7 billion people in the world who will love you and treat you like a beautiful person.

[pianoguy]

Hey junk, how old are you? Are you in high school, or college? Or neither?

[my-junk-is-you]

Thanks people. I figure i've got to tell them. Just gotta find the right moment.

 

i'm seventeen (only) and in sixth form which is why i was worried bout the rumour mill.

[Lucy__lou]

Hey my-junk.

 

I hope this works out for you. I can't imagine the fall out is going to be all roses. Even if these girls are your friends and love you, it won't cure their ignorance. As their new bi friend, you might have to become their educator, and if their reactions are hurtful (like getting paranoid that you're attracted to them), you're going to be put in a situation of having to be objective and level headed as you educate them, whilst trying not to react to hurt emotions. It's easier said than done.

 

I've never been in your situation, but I have experienced homophobia from women who I'd previously gotten along with, and it's painful. And it can put you in this situation where if they insist on interpreting every bit of friendliness as attraction, then if they are homophobic towards you, and you get hurt, they might interpret your hurt as backing up what they first thought.

 

It sounds like you think you're strong enough to handle this, so that's important, because you might have to be. Being out is very liberating, even when it comes with pain. Because once you're out, it doesn't matter how much the world throws at you, you know that where you're headed in life is brighter than the grey world of keeping who you are burried.

 

It would be ideal if you had a few friends who you know are supportive of lesbianism/bisexuality. You might need them.

 

Before you come out to your friends, I recommend that you sit down and think of all the different ways homophobia manifests itself. You've already mentioned one, where they instantly assume you're attracted to them, and you can't compliment them on their hair or clothes or anything anymore.

 

Another thing to be ready for are aftershocks. A lot of people will try to hide their homophobia, and be all positive at first, but then the truth comes out a bit later, when they feel the spotlight is not on them anymore.

 

Think of what your comebacks will be. Think about what you'll do if one of your current friends starts acting all uncomfortable around you. Will you confront her on it? or will you just stand back and watch it happen? I would recommend that you let them know you have no shame and that you won't take any bs.

 

One of the best defences to homophobia is to be totally happy with yourself. Even if you're still working it out, that's OK. The more you expose yourself to the lesbian/bi world, the less power homophobic girls will have in planting seeds in your head that there is something wrong with you. you have to be resilient against their judgement, and that means finding supportive friends, and finding solace in the culture, and all its books, music, politics etc that are out there, which reaffirm the fact that you're not alone in this.

 

All the best.

[emilylove1]

hey i know exactly what ur going thru i went through the same thing. you should tell them the truth and be open as possible. When i told my friends i said hey look guys im into girls and so i guess im bi or lez or something. make them believe ur comfortable with it and its casual for you. then they will feed off that casualness and be like okay thats fine. and be up front and say, you know ive never liked any of you youre all friends and i think youre all beautiful girls but i wouldnt wanna date any of you becuz im not attracted to any of you. be up front about it and they will accept it better. if they dispose of ur friendship then they werent good friends. true friends will accept you. my friends accept me so much that sometimes if i say wow tina ur hair looks hot today shell grab my waist and joke around with me. do i like it? no. shes my friend its not like that. I just love having my friends accept me. thats all. thats all you want too