Is it always this difficult at first?

[LonelyPast]

Last year I was socially isolated, depressed, out of shape, and utterly inexperienced with women. Now I've got a booked schedule, hope for the future, a decent body, and a girl that I'm loving more every day! We're both virgins and we've been cautiously progressing towards more serious physical intimacy over the last few months. We're finally at the point where we've attempted to have sex a few times. I say attempted because, well, it's not exactly working out the way I'd imagined it would.

 

 

*Looks around*

 

...

 

*Continues talking*

 

 

For starters, I have an extraordinarily difficult time just finding the right opening down there. There isn't enough room for both my hand and my penis so I have to feel around for the wet spot with my hand first before attempting to enter her with my penis. It's also impossible to see where I'm going once I close the distance so I'm pretty much just blindly fumbling around hoping I'm getting at the right spot. If I try to move my hand back down to guide it in then there's too much space between us and I always fall back out.

 

Also, due to the Celexa I'm taking for my depression I don't feel things with my penis as well as I used to. This is compounded further by wearing a condom and perhaps by the fact that I'm not circumcised. Most of the time I can't even tell if I'm in or not.

 

When I do finally find my way in I also can't seem to go very far with it. I can get the tip in and start thrusting a little bit but she seems to tense up a lot and pushes against me with her thighs which increases the space between us. I have a hard time telling exactly but I'd say I'm only getting about 2 inches in. My penis is about 5.5 inches long overall and now I'm wondering if that might be too short?

 

Also, since she's a virgin she's incredibly tight down there and there's only about enough room for my pinky finger during foreplay. She tells me that she's never masturbated with her hands or a vibrator or anything and that she's not very familiar with that part of her body at all. I know it's normally a little painful for a girl on her first time, but she's been wincing every time I even get close. It was a little easier for her on our last attempt, but the more I try to push up the tougher it seems to get for her and the more she tightens her legs and makes it harder to proceed.

 

I can't help but feel like most of these problems would go away if I only had a bigger penis. Since she's resisting a little bit I'm also wondering if we might not really be ready for this, though I understand that fighting it a little bit is probably normal for a virgin. We're into each other enough that I'd probably be comfortable letting it go for a while and not pressuring her into this. However, I want to be more than just her friend, and if I don't figure this out I'm going to feel like an inadequate unmanly failure. I can't help but think that if I don't finish this then some other guy will come along, rock her world, and make me look utterly pathetic by comparison. It's a maddening thought that I wish would just go away.

 

I guess I'm posting this because I'd like to know if this sort of scenario is just par for the course. If it is, then how do couples normally surpass these difficulties so they can start actually enjoying sex? If it's not, then what do I/we need to do differently to make this thing happen? It's very embarrassing for me to talk so openly about it, but if anybody's got some useful advice for me/us then I think it'll be worth it to have asked.

 

Any ideas?

 

Thanks,

-Alex

[Haven]

Okay... you need to help her relax A LOT for the first time. If she's tensing up, then it's not going to work. Sounds like you haven't actually gone in all the way and her hymen isn't even broken yet. She's probably resisting because it's painful - drinking beforehand or using lube could help. You should also ask her to guide you to the right opening - even if she's "not familiar" with that area of the body, unless she's a robot she's going to instinctively know what the right area is.

[Cardinal]

I still can't find the right hole half the time. If in missionary she will need to take the initiative and aim a bit for you at least the first few times. Once she positions it, you can slowly enter.

 

Try woman on top for the first time. It will allow you both to relax and her to take her time to slide down onto you.

 

On your end, you will need to make sure and put actual lube on the outside tip of your condom and also all around her entrance in advance (I mean a minute or two before you try to enter, not 3 seconds before). The first couple of inches are the driest with a condom one and you need the extra lube there. If you still prefer missionary, have her up against a wall where she can push herself away from the wall and put a pillow up underneath her buttocks to give you better access.

 

Make little short one or two or three in thrusts once you are in her before plunging all the way. It helps to lubricate her and your condom.

[YakasJourney]

My penis is about 5.5 inches long overall and now I'm wondering if that might be too short?

No, it's average and there should be no problem. I think the issue is that she is a virgin and you are hitting her hymen which is not broken yet.

 

I can't help but feel like most of these problems would go away if I only had a bigger penis.

How would that help? If anything that would be worse!

 

We're into each other enough that I'd probably be comfortable letting it go for a while and not pressuring her into this. However, I want to be more than just her friend, and if I don't figure this out I'm going to feel like an inadequate unmanly failure.

I doubt your relationship status will be affected by this. But it may be if you continue to beat yourself up so badly. You have to relax and just take it slow. Have a couple drinks, get some lube, listen to some tunes, RELAX.

 

I can't help but think that if I don't finish this then some other guy will come along, rock her world, and make me look utterly pathetic by comparison.

Um, no. She's with you for a reason. You just need to stop being so hard on yourself and just work through this as a couple.

[LonelyPast]

Ahhhh this, haha. This was last year. We made it happen and it was good times! Thanks guys.

 

Unfortunately, she got mobilized by the army in October and that pretty much ended things. We agreed to start dating other people, but I haven't had any sexual opportunities for several months now. I miss this stuff...

[Springs]

I agree with the above. In the weeks before my first time, we did a lot of foreplay with fingers, gradually increasing to make it easier for sex. I was really tight and it did hurt the first couple of times he used 2 fingers but just make sure she is relaxed and turned on and it willl make a huge difference. If she wants you to put something there, it's gonna go a lot smoother. I don't think you need to be worrying about the size of your penis...being bigger would make it 10 times worse!

 

I suggest you spend more time on foreplay and stretch her out with fingers, using lots of lube and a few glasses of wine! good luck

[Springs]

oops..haha

[ibu]

When I get penetrated abruptly (even when wet) it hurts a little bit in the beginning too because suddenly this big thing (bigger than a finger at least is pushed into it. I think this is why your girlfriend might tense up. And she's also probably a bit unsure of how it's supposed to feel because she hasn't had much experience either.

What I do is take control and guide my man's penis in how I want it. Just lower myself down on it as far as it'll go without hurting, and then I pull it back out, go down again, but a little lower this time, while I let my vagina adjust to it until it's all the way in. And then he can do with what he wants.

So maybe you can tell your girlfriend to guide your penis in? She knows where the right hole is. And she'll have control, which might make her relax more.

Also, lube is your friend! It'll make penetration so much easier if you use it!

 

Oops, oh, I just read this was from last year!