Is She Serious or Playing Games?

[Huxley1607306450]

This is a fairly long and involved series of events, but I'll try to keep it as short as possible.

 

Four weeks ago my girlfriend of seven years left me taking our two children with her, and moved in with another man whom she had been having an affair with for the last six months.

 

This man spent 14 years in prison for breaking and entering, and drug manufacturing from age 19 to 33, and was released in March of 2002. On appearance, he seems like an extremely bad character, but she says otherwise. Discovering a few letters she wrote to him when they first met, all she talked about was the physical pleasure of sex. In fact, they slept together only one day after meeting together. So, my general impression of their relationship is purely sexual in nature lacking any other qualities.

 

I discovered the affair in early January, confronted her about it, and forgave her in light of the fact that what drove her from me was my inattention for six months to our relationship. I suppose I feel into the typical trap of taking a long term relationship for granted. Regardless, I forgave her and wanted to attempt to work on our relationship, and told her she had the time to make a decision. I supported her in this time, and we grew closer slowly, but her decisions to continue to see this other man consistently prevented her from focusing on the work necessary to fix our relationship.

 

Then, one Saturday afternoon, she came home to tell me she had gotten a house to rent in a nearby town, and she was moving out immediately and in with this other man. She had indicated previously that she had no desire to separate until we had mutually agreed as to the future of our relationship. She claimed that she received a phone call for approval to move in, and made the decision in a matter of five minutes.

 

Since then, we have remained friends, seeing each other often and enjoying each other company. We have discussed the entire situation numerous times, and she has told me that she has not ruled out a future together, only that right now she needs to "explore" and "test" her relationship with another man. She has expressed to me directly that she still has feelings for me, and believes that our relationship potential far outweighs her relationship with this other man. She has openly wondered out loud to me the process of kicking this man out of her house, and devoted her attention to rebuilding our relationship. She has told me that she still holds hope for our relationship in the future. She has told me that she has no emotional connection to this other man, and has complained to me about his lack of conversational skills and emotional aptitude. She has even told me that she feels she's made a "mistake" in moving in with this man, and that their relationship isn't "right".

 

Essentially, she has told me that we are not finished, but that she needs time to "explore" her relationship with this other man, and discover herself again - sort through her emotions and thoughts. She has asked me to give her time to accomplish this.

 

I love her dearly. We have shared so much in seven years together, and have formed an emotional bond far beyond what most people ever experience in a relationship. I'm willing to give her what she needs, time and support, because I feel so strongly for her and our two children.

 

I consistently hold hope, a strong faith of the heart, that we will emerge out of this together again. I have even told her that, at some level, this all feels as if it was meant to strengthen our relationship, and she has agreed with me. We have shared numerous emotional, tearful moments through all of this which shows me our emotional connection hasn't completely died out.

 

Am I being a fool to trust my heart and trust what she has expressed to me in words and tears? Or is she leading me on in order to avoid the difficulty of giving closure to our relationship?

[Gilgamesh]

Oh man your in a bad relationship, i have always felt that trust is paramount in a relationship.

 

She cheated on you, she said she was sorry then she cheated on you some more, and as that wasnt enough, she gets a house so she can cheat even more.

 

If she had problems in the relationship with you, she had the option of communication first, but she decided to not even try, and just bone some guy and keep you as a safety net in case the other goes sour.

 

You want her to come back? just kick her out and tell her its over, when she trys to make up say no, she will eventually dump the other guy, then you can bring her back in, but be strong and determined. I dont feel shes worth it but if you really want her back and have that "faith" that shell change, then do the break up thing.

 

Ever wonder what she tells the other guy?

[Jen]

She's cheated on you once, what's to say that if she gets another chance, she'll do any differently?? I believe in the saying, "Once a cheater, always a cheater." I also believe that people can change, but if she says she needs time to "explore" her other relationship, she ain't done with him yet. It's obviously happened once, it can happen again.

 

Jen