Interacting more with my gf's friends

[Matrixman]

My girlfriend and I have been dating for 9 months now. We're both very much in love and plan on getting married. Things couldn't be better. The only problem we run into is that she is very outgoing and I'm reserved when I'm out and about. We'll go out to places and I usually just sit back and relax while she goes around talking to everyone and partying. This usually causes a conflict and she gets upset with me because of it. She hounds me and tells me to talk to people and not just sit there because it makes my friends feel like I don't like them. Sometimes, my mind just goes blank, and I have nothing to say. I also get terrible anxiety going into social situations I'm not comfortable with. I do believe I have social anxiety disorder but it's just never been diagnosed. I'm terrible at doing small talk with anyone I don't know well. Or at times, things will go well, and then I'll hit a wall and I'll run out of things to say.

 

I want to get to know her friends better. They're a very important part of her life, and they tend to hang out with each other multiple times a week. I want to get involved in that circle.

 

My gf is hosting a party at her house tomorrow and it's all I've been thinking about for the past 2 weeks. I want to put myself out there more...but it's just hard on me. In a way I feel like in these 9 months, they've painted a picture of me being quiet and reserved, so now I can't come out of my shell and be my true self. But I want to...

 

Can anyone offer any advice?

[Jpo]

Yeah. Drink alcohol at the party. Problem solved.

[HouseKitten]

House parties are normally fairly relaxed. Try and sidle into conversations that are going on. You don't have to say anything at first but listening, nodding and smiling are a good start and show people that you're trying to have a good time and get involved. Assuming they're not all horrible horrible people, from this start they will probably make eye contact with you more and try and include you in the conversation

 

You don't need to suddenly unleash your inner party animal, but just push yourself a little to make conversation, even if you're scared. If your mind goes blank and there's an awkward silence, make a joke of it! 'God I'm terrible at small talk, my minds just gone completely blank!' - unless the other person thinks you're a total nonce, they'll probably laugh and concur with something similar about themselves and joke about it.

[HeartGoesOn]

I don't think it really matters what her friends think. Some people are more outgoing, and some are more low key. You are who you are, and if others can't accept that, then it's their problem, not yours.

 

I wouldn't worry about it if they see you as "quiet and reserved" because that's who you are, and you shouldn't be made to feel inadequate because of it.

[Day_Walker]

I am concerned about her wanting you to be something that you arent. If she is social then she cannot expect you to be. If her friends want to have a conversation with you they are more than welcome to initiate a conversation. Personally I would take a stand and there here that nothing is stopping her friends from talking to you its just that you feel uncomfortable initiating conversation.

[Matrixman]

I don't think it really matters what her friends think. Some people are more outgoing, and some are more low key. You are who you are, and if others can't accept that, then it's their problem, not yours.

 

I wouldn't worry about it if they see you as "quiet and reserved" because that's who you are, and you shouldn't be made to feel inadequate because of it.

 

She takes what her friends say into account so much. One time my gf went alone to a party with her friends. Apparently they were asking about me "Does he hate us?" "Why doesn't he talk?" and they all felt it was weird how quiet I was. She hangs out with a group that is very loud and talkative. I guess I'm the first shy one to break in and they don't know how to handle it? I just wish my gf and her friends would be more accepting of who I am. It makes me feel extremely uncomfortable around them.

 

I am concerned about her wanting you to be something that you arent. If she is social then she cannot expect you to be. If her friends want to have a conversation with you they are more than welcome to initiate a conversation. Personally I would take a stand and there here that nothing is stopping her friends from talking to you its just that you feel uncomfortable initiating conversation.

 

That's the thing: her friends rarely start conversations with me. Then when my gf sees me standing around at a party, she gets mad and bugs me to go start talking to people. It's just not that easy for me! I suck at it, and when there's so many people I don't know, it makes it even worse.