xJessibel Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 Hello! I wanted to share my story with everyone out there. =) My boyfriend and I have been dating now for almost 4 months (will be 4 months on the 8th). He is 48 and I'm only 19... and I am the happiest I've ever been. We've had our share of ups and downs. We've had to face ridicule from others who don't agree. But! We don't care. We really don't care what others think because a love this special is way to strong to pass up. I feel like I've met my soul mate and my life long partner and I'll do anything to stay with him. He feels the same way about me. =) My family STRONGLY objected at first. In fact, they disowned me. But, a couple weeks later they realized their mistakes and they accepted me back into their lives and they are slowly starting to accept our relationship. I think they realized he isn't going anywhere and that I am totaly and completely happy with him. So, for anyone else out there with a 20+ age gap, keep faith! Things may get rough but you can ALWAYS make it through! Link to comment
Mutley Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 What do you guys have in common? Link to comment
xJessibel Posted August 26, 2009 Author Share Posted August 26, 2009 Everything... I can't even begin to describe everything we have in common. Our sense of humor is the same, our intelligence level is the same, our interests in sports and what we watch on T.V. is the same. Our views on politics, religion, and other worldy matters for the most part is the same. There is a LOOONG list. We were actually good friends before we started dating and so we discovered all of this long before dating was a thought in our minds. Link to comment
Elena1607308080 Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 Congrats! When I was younger I also had my fair share of experience with men who were a lot older than me. None of them I have fallen in love with though. I don't regret having been with any of them nonetheless! I guess what had prevented me from wanting to have a serious relationship with them is that I always consider the future, too. In your case.. let's say 10 years from now.. he'll be 58.. and you will be 29. During this time you will have met so many younger men and probably realized you have much more in common with them than with him.. not to forget the attraction may fade as he gets older.. But I really don't want to be negative towards you! That's just how I think. I really hope it works out for both of you and yes sometimes people are too hard on age-gap relationships. Have fun =) Link to comment
hockeyboy Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 As an adult, you can do as you please. Personally, I'm not for this, but it's not my decision to make. I hope you are happy in 10, 20 years as you are now. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 Im someone who strongly believes that love is love. As long as you go into this with your eyes wide open, knowing that you COULD get hurt and issues will arise if you stay together long term. You have to think about your future, can you have a family with this man, is a family something you want later on. A couple of people I know have 15+ Age gaps and they work, but they arent without issues. Link to comment
xJessibel Posted August 26, 2009 Author Share Posted August 26, 2009 Tory -- He wouldn't even hardly kiss me until he said I was his. Sex was not the reason why he wanted me, I can assure you that. And, it's not like he went searching for this type of relationship. Neither of us did... it just developed. It started out as a friendship. He was someone I could talk to and vice versa and it developed from there. Not all age-gap relationships are about sex. =) Elena -- Thank you. I realize here in 10 yrs things could be different but I'm living my life day by day. I don't feel like I'll regret this, even if it doesn't work out. If I hadn't tried it, though, I would have hated myself. =) But thanks for your comment! Link to comment
xJessibel Posted August 26, 2009 Author Share Posted August 26, 2009 Hockey - I understand. Blue - What relationships arn't without their problems? Everyone has their issues. =) Link to comment
dirtyd Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 Well, I've been dating my 20 year old GF...ok so she's really 19 lol and I'm 30 and we've really been doing better than any relationship I've had. Though she is hot as hell, it's not the only reason I'm with her. If you're happy, that's all that matters, just throw everything on the table and let it be know that you don't want someone who will be wasting your time. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 Oh completely Im just saying big issues can arise with big age differences. Like having children someday etc. But your right. What relationships arent without problems. Life is short. Do whatever makes YOU happy but always have your eyes wide open. Link to comment
xJessibel Posted August 26, 2009 Author Share Posted August 26, 2009 I think any major issue that could arise from an age gap relationship has already been talked about, discussed, mulled over, etc.... and we're comfortable with where we are at. And oh, completely. I'll keep my eyes wide open at all times. No blinders for me. ^_^ Link to comment
Tory Barton Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 Tory -- He wouldn't even hardly kiss me until he said I was his. Sex was not the reason why he wanted me, I can assure you that. And, it's not like he went searching for this type of relationship. Neither of us did... it just developed. It started out as a friendship. He was someone I could talk to and vice versa and it developed from there. Not all age-gap relationships are about sex. =) Well hey, have fun. To be honest with you, I cannot see this working out for the long-term at all. But for the short-term, there's nothing wrong with it. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 Then thats great. You do sound very happy. I was reading about a relationship similar where a girl was eighteen, the man was sixty when they met. They got married and were VERY happy together. It can happen. As long as you have talked over your dreams/goals and are heading in the same direction theres no problem. Link to comment
hockeyboy Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 I think any major issue that could arise from an age gap relationship has already been talked about, discussed, mulled over, etc.... and we're comfortable with where we are at. And oh, completely. I'll keep my eyes wide open at all times. No blinders for me. ^_^ If you don't mind me asking, do you plan on this lasting for the long term? If so, do you plan on having children? Link to comment
xJessibel Posted August 26, 2009 Author Share Posted August 26, 2009 If you don't mind me asking, do you plan on this lasting for the long term? If so, do you plan on having children? I do plan on this lasting long term and no, children is not something I am intersted in. BUT, we have discussed the fact that my thoughts on this could change. If it is too late to naturally have children then adopting is a thing we both discussed as well. He is okay with where we are at with this and so am I. Link to comment
hockeyboy Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 ^^^^ men can produce sperm well into their 70s so that's the least of your concerns. My problem with a man that age having a child (children) with a woman 18-20....is it really fair to the children? Link to comment
Mutley Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 My problem with a man that age having a child (children) with a woman 18-20....is it really fair to the children? Not if he's over 50....(I think). Link to comment
hockeyboy Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 And just to be clear, if two 70 year old people could have a child together, I wouldn't think that is fair to the child either. Link to comment
Puckdog27 Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 I have freinds that are married. She is 23 and he is 49, they have a great relationship and adore each other. They are both beautiful people on the inside as well as the outside. Age isnt a huge factor in other places in the world as it is in the U.S. Link to comment
Puckdog27 Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 And just to be clear, if two 70 year old people could have a child together, I wouldn't think that is fair to the child either. Is it any less fair than if she were to have a baby to a 19yo, and he disappears and never takes care of the kid? Link to comment
Mavh25 Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 I agree with it being unfair on the children if any parent is above 50 when they're born. I met a guy who's dad was 50 when they had him, the guy suffered so badly with worry, which started around age 10. He did'nt sleep most nights as he was terrified his father would die overnight, he could'nt play with him, do much with him atall. It was pretty sad. Not trying to derail.. sorry. Its good you guys are getting those things out in the open for now, and I love your outlook, live day by day and enjoy what you have right now, worry about the other things later =) Link to comment
hockeyboy Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 Is it any less fair than if she were to have a baby to a 19yo, and he disappears and never takes care of the kid? That's not good either, but just because that situation is not good, doesn't mean the other one is. Link to comment
xJessibel Posted August 26, 2009 Author Share Posted August 26, 2009 I've delt with criticism from society around us, my family, a few of my friends (surprisingly enough most of my friends are quite okay with it) and anywhere you could think of. When I say we've talked about every issue that is possible from an age gap relationship, we really have. We've talked about what could happen and what we want to do about it. We are not walking into this relationship blind -- we realize our problems and weaknesses and we work around them. Every relationship has issues. Every relationship is going to struggle. Just because the man I love is 29 years older than me, does that mean he can't love like I can? Does that mean we are not allowed to have anything in common? Does that mean he can't enjoy life, even if he has less of it left than I do? I've had many struggling nights where I worry what will happen if this lasts long term and he dies in 10 years... 15 years... maybe even sooner. But, my love for him grows every day and we take each day as they come. Maybe this won't work out long term, who knows. No one knows. But unless we tried, we would have regretted it the rest of our lives. I don't ask for everyone to agree with it. I just ask them to respect my decision. Everyone has their own opinion... this is just mine. Link to comment
Mutley Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 The heart wants what the heart wants. Link to comment
annie24 Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 Meh, i have no interest in dating men who are more than 10 years older than me (and even that is pushing it!) but you are both adults, and if it works for you, so be it.... obviously you've thought a lot about the consequences of a huge age gap, and if you are willing to risk it, go for it. good luck how is your relationship with your father? Link to comment
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