When is it crossing the line?

[StarsAreBlind]

Hey everyone.. I've been with my boyfriend for about 4 years now. I live in Ontario, Canada and he's in Alma, Arkansas. All the times he's driven here to visit me, no one in my family knew about because we went through a rough time when he became controlling and hurtful. I didnt watch them to judge our relationship based on something that was in the past. He bought me a promise ring a few years back, and we talk about the future a lot. Yet Ive never been to his town. I'll be 18 soon, and I think that'll be the time to tell my mom I'm flying there, because she cant really stop me. I just dont want to drop a huge bombshell and have her freak out. I also want to live with him and go to college there when I'm 19 or 20. But I'm scared that would be going too far. I would just like to read everyone's opinions on what I should do and maybe share similiar stories?

[Maroney555]

Making that kind of commitment over a young and online relationship can be risky. It can also be rewarding. I would be scared to do that, personally. That would be too much of a scenery change for my liking. Your parents will freak out no matter what, but especially since your goals involve a boy...no parents like that.

[Difficult]

I think we need futher information over here. Please post more details.

[StarsAreBlind]

Oh, I am scared haha. Its a huge change. But I really dont have much going for me here, I want to get away from some personal family issues, and move on with my own life.

 

More details... well, he's 19. Works two jobs and goes to school. Has his own place with a friend. Me and his mom are close. haha. What else would you like to know?

[OreEle]

well, let's just say that you will be making a HUGE decision that will greatly effect the rest of your life, so you have to be sure. The biggest warning flag that came up for me was that he was controlling and hurtful (was the "hurtful" physical or emotional?) and that it involves going over country borders.

 

back story (which are always fun).

 

When I was 18, I was going to college in Seattle WA and my girlfriend (now wife) was living in Portland OR. We had a plan that she would move up with me (she had just finished beauty school and so was ready to start working) and we'd get married over the summer, move into the married dorms and I'd continue going to school while she worked.

 

At that time, my parents were paying for my schooling, and actually if we moved in together and did our plan it would actually save them money. But they felt that I would be too "distracted" and would end up getting her pregnant and have to drop out of school. So they didn't want to waste the money and gave me the ultimatum, if you stay with her, we won't pay for college.

 

I dropped out of school (since there was no way I could pay for it myself anymore at $8,000 a term) and moved in with her and began working. Now we've been married for 2 1/2 years and have been paying for my own schooling and now will be going full time (while still working full time, fun times).

 

But it was a big risk that I (and my wife chose to make) and so far, it has paid off. My parents and I are good now. But it was very hard at first.

 

When you move, you have only the person you are moving with to lean on, so you have to be 100% sure, your family and friends are going to be 800 miles away.

[StarsAreBlind]

I'm glad it worked out for you two

 

I know its a huge change, and I figure I have time to think about it, but I'm the kind of person who likes to have things planned out. I dont like my future being a mystery. He wasnt hurtful physically, just emotionally.. and yes, controlling. But thats been dealt with and he's grown up a lot, and I've finally whipped him into shape and laid down the law. He's turned it all around. But still, if I see any hint that he's going back to his old ways, its going to end all our future plans.

It was a mutual decision for me to go there when we live together. He loves the south and I would rather be there, too. I just dont know how to deal with something like this. I would want to go into it with a back-up plan. I know for sure his mom would help me out if anything ever happened until I could get things straightened out.