I had a date today ;)

[Mellie]

Hey all. I've just had my first date since my ex broke up with me ten or however many weeks ago - had a really nice time! I was really nervous and could tell my date was too, but it was really lovely. I didn't fancy him as it turned out Although he's a great looking guy and seemed really nice, it just wasn't there. At least I know that... well... I fell off the bike before, but once I got back on, it wasn't so bad - quite nice actually!

 

And I'm not sitting here obsessing about my ex anymore. If anyone's looking for a distraction, I can recommend it.

[getting_on_ok]

Awesome, very proud of you!! I hope at 10 weeks I can start to date. Its almost 8 weeks and I dont know if I am ready yet.

[Mellie]

I know how you feel getting on ok... I've been online dating for a couple of weeks. When this guy suggested meeting up I was like, whoa, so blurted out 'I'm only looking for friends at this point... Just out of a relationship and not ready for another...' blah, blah. I really didn't feel I was up to it so thought once I said that he'd back away. But he didn't. I'm glad he didn't now. Wish I fancied him because he is really nice and we had quite a bit in common but...

 

Nah.

 

I thought I might be upset or feel bad about being with another guy... still feel loyalty to the ex, but I don't. It's more like 'Bummer that one didn't work out... Next!'

[bronte]

That's great to hear, I just got back on an online dating site and am starting to get some promising prospects...but am having trouble taking the plunge and actually agreeing to meet one of them! It does seem like meeting some new guys would be a good distraction, though.

[getting_on_ok]

I want to get back into the swing of things, the problem is, is that I am a shy guy. I just dont want to go on a date and start talking about my ex!

[Mellie]

Oh yeah, that did come up... And why we broke up... I answered it honestly and it didn't bother me to talk about it either. Bronte, I made a rule to myself that from now on, I'm making it a rule not to decline an invitation. Fair enough, I did by best to put him off making that invitation lol!

 

I think it's a rule I'll be sticking to. I don't have a great social life - what's worse than sitting around at home moping?

 

Getting on - I'm pretty shy. He was scared too - I saw his hands shaking. You just work out what you've got in common and go from there. I'm quite nosy and love hearing about people's travels, people generally like telling you about them and it worked out ok.

 

We've left it that we'll do something else sometime, and the ball's in my court to get in touch. I might, but then I'm thinking I'll have to explain I'm not attracted to him first... What do you think? On the one hand he said being friends is fine but on the other, on his profile he's looking for a serious relationship.

[quirky]

Mellie, it's so good you went on a date!

 

I'm finding it dead hard fancying someone nowadays..I think I feel awkward around men, I don't wanna invest emotionally (rather drained and disillusioned after the break up)

 

But on the other hand, I'd love some attention or to meet someone who I actually feel comfortable with. I wanna go out more but my friends are more introverted and don't wanna flirt

[Mellie]

Hi Quirky Girl! Well you know, all my friends either live way away or have kids or are married and, basically, I looked at online dating as a way just to meet new people - people I knew I'd have something in common with before we met up.

 

I read your thread. I'm sorry things aren't going better. Some days I feel crappy, others good... The online dating is definitely a distraction but, I don't know. The guy I met today is attractive but no, the fancying thing could prove to be an issue with me. There's another guy online I saw and just thought 'wow' he's gorgeous, we chatted a bit but I think he's dropped off the radar now. I am wondering though if I met him too I might feel the same kind of whateverness. Maybe I'm not ready. I did feel comfortable with the guy today, he was really nice, but... Well, honestly, the last two relationships I've had, I haven't felt instant attraction for them. I talked myself into fancying them. I'd just like to experiment, I think. And the attention is nice. But I've had partners before who made me feel 'whoa' from the off... I just want to feel that again.

[quirky]

yeah, the wow factor is great but I don't think it is necessary for us women, I find it can blur my judgement! I think if a guy is polite, smart and attentive he can win us over. If you're definitely not attracted to him then just put it down to an experience and a "warm up"!

 

I was doing well finally leaving my ex, staying NC and then he bloody contacts me again obsessively! Gotta be sooo strong here.

[Mellie]

My ex sent me the usual 'how you doing email'. I replied. Then a text. I replied. I'm ok with it in that when he left his job at the office we shared, I was pretty off with him, and I did regret that. I'm not angry anymore and I don't want to be remembered 'the bitter one'! But I am wondering now if he contacted me to see how I was, or whether it might have been more of an ego stroke, like 'hey, I'm still here - chase me, chase me!'. If it was just to get me thinking of him again, well, it worked! That's why the date was such a release.

 

My date had really nice blue eyes, great personality but the attraction wasn't there. Not in an 'oh, my ex was so much more attractive' kind of way... We just didn't click in that way and there was no flirting... I just think back to my second boyfriend. I mean, it was crap in the end (he beat the * * * * out of me!) so I guess I really shouldn't hold him up as a glowing example but... God, I just fancied the pants off him when we met. I definitely need to fancy them a little.