What to do? I'm so confused.

[xoxolovee]

I had sex with an ex about two weeks ago. Unprotected. No pill. It was a stupid mistake, I know. But I've been having random, pinkish spotting, nausea, severe cramping, fatigue, cravings, a multitude of symptoms, and I think I might be pregnant. As soon as I can, I'm going to get a test. But that's only half the problem. He's my ex boyfriend, for one and he's not the nicest guy around. I'm afraid that if I am pregnant, he's just going to laugh and tell everyone and be a jerk about the whole thing. I need to talk to him about it if the tests come up positive. He's Ukrainian with a strict Ukrainian family and I just don't know what to do. Of course, if I am pregnant, I really want him to be a part of our baby's life but I don't want to hear it if he's just going to leave me to fend for myself. I know that our baby would never be able to be a part of his family. I doubt he'd tell his parents at all. We dated for nine months and his mom and dad never even knew. I love him, even though he's my ex, and part of me really hopes that I am pregnant while the other part of me really wants to wait till I find someone whose family will accept me and our baby. I just don't know what to do right now. I'm afraid he'll just never speak to me again. I don't want it to go down like that, especially because I'm unwilling to get an abortion and i doubt I'd emotionally be able to give my baby away. I get easily attached to just about everything. I'm the type of person who will cry at the pet store if I sit and talk to a kitten for a while and don't take it home with me to love. I'm afraid that no one will ever take it home and love it. What if the people that take my baby don't love it? I'd feel like I abandoned the baby. I couldn't do it. So I'd have to keep the baby and be a mother, even though I'm young. And in that case, I'm not going to sit back and just let the father pretend as though all of this never happened. I heard that a father would have to pay child support if they aren't present in the baby's life, but I'm not sure if that would involve going to court or not, in which case his parents would most likely find out. I want to stress to him, if I have to tell him, the importance of having him in the baby's life. I grew up with out a father around, and I don't want that for my kids. I'm so confused and scared and I really need advice as well as someone to just talk to. Perhaps someone who has gone through the same thing.

[D_Lish]

I think you should have thought of all of this and the consequences, before you took the plunge and had unprotected sex...

[pumpkinmoon]

I agree with the above poster but also he had a responsibilty to practice safe sex which he did not.

 

I think firstly you need to find out if you are pregnant. If you are, you then need to decide if you want to keep the baby.

 

How old are you?

 

I don't agree with abortion unless it is absolutey necessary, but if you are very young it might be better to consider it as an option.

[Catdancer]

ok..first thing's first. GET A TEST!!! Dont stress yourself out until you know FOR SURE!! If you had sex only 2 weeks ago, where were you in your cycle? Do you know when your period is due again? Two weeks isnt really enough time to be showing symptoms. I know that every woman and every pregnancy is different, but I think that most women dont have signs until about 4 or 5 weeks in. I was 6 weeks before I had any symptoms other than bloating, which I thought was my period. Calm down and think.

[hannah_k]

I think you should find out if your pregnant first before you decide what you're going to do with a baby that may not exist. When I was younger, I used to scare myself into thinking that I was pregnant. The stress would make me sick and mess with the stability of my cycle. Fatigue and cravings for certain foods usually don't come until later in pregnancy, so it may be all in your head. And for your sake, I hope it is.

 

Go ahead and get a test. You may get a false positive if you have the flu or a multitude of other reasons, so make sure you go to the doctor regardless of the outcome of the at-home test.

 

If it comes out negative, I would advise you to please seek some sort of prophylactics or other preventative measure. Birth control is affordable with insurance and if you don't have insurance, usually there is some kind of clinic that will give you free PAP tests and bc. Also, it would probably be best to stop seeing the would-be father. From your post, I gather that you don't have many positive things to say about him and you seem to expect the worst from him. It would be unhealthy to continue that kind of relationship.

 

If it comes out positive, then give him a chance to at least know. It is your responsibility to at least make sure he knows. If he leaves you high and dry, then I would seriously consider adoption. Most people who adopt cannot have children themselves or want to give kids a better home. You could probably find an adoptive couple before you have the baby. You could meet and get to know them. Then maybe you wouldn't feel like you abandoned your baby (if you're indeed pregnant).

 

Best of luck.

[uofagirl]

I think you should have thought of all of this and the consequences, before you took the plunge and had unprotected sex...

 

I agree with this. You both knew exactly what you were doing when you had sex with no protection. It's no secret that you could get pregnant.

 

But I also agree that you shouldn't freak yourself out until you know FOR SURE. You can totally psych yourself out and create all sorts of stress. You can even make yourself believe you are pregnant. And right now it's 50/50.

 

So until it's time to take a test, try not to jump to conclusions.

[SamiJayne]

How old are you?

 

Stress can do a LOT to your body, so try to relax. When your periods due, take a test. Or take one of those early tests.

 

You obviously realise you've made a mistake, so I won't say anything. I really hope your not pregnant. And I can 100% understand the pet store thing. If my partner wasn't so strict, I'd have a new pet everytime I go in to the pet shop. As they have a reject corner, And I always want them, take them home and love them too. I still think of William, the reject scruffy badly looked after gerbil. =(

 

Adoption is a wonderful gift. There will always be people out there that will treat a child badly, but there are also people out that that would do anything for a baby to love.

 

But first things first. Take a test, If it's postive, give yourself a few days to think about WHAT YOU WANT. Then when your 100% sure what it is you want to do. Then tell your ex about it. If he tells other people, and makes you look bad. His loss. He's the one missing out.

 

Let us know what the results are!

 

You never know if you stop worrying, and relax a little. Your period may rear its ugly head!

[Bella20]

TEST TEST TEST

 

Did you miss your period? Have you ever discussed what would happen if you got pregnant? (while you dated...)

[JaneAustenFan]

I don't wish to make a difficult decision more difficult. I don't wish to appear pushy or rude. I just wish to offer my perspective. My husband and I are unable to have children on our own and are trying to adopt. When I read your doubts and concerns regarding adoption, I just had to respond. Your likening it to getting attached at the pet store really struck me. When we were in the middle of infertility treatments and first considered creating a family through adoption all I could think about was when I was bringing home a kitten I'd seperated from its mother some years ago. I cried all the way home, driving, with my new kitten in my lap. I couldn't enjoy my new pet because I felt so bad for the mother cat and its baby. We couldn't BEAR the idea of the happiest day of our life being the saddest day of someone else's. So, at that time we decided against adoption. But nearly a year later, when my doctor told me it was over, that we wouldn't be getting pregnant ever, we reopened the discussion. After some research we realized that though there is great sacrifice and grief involved, it's a beautiful bittersweet thing. Birthmothers can receive counseling before and after placement, to help them get through it and to be really sure it's what they want. And, especially, once we learned about open adoption were we okay with that painful image. In open adoption a birthmother chooses and meets with the couple, they get to know and comfort eachother. We would get to reassure and offer our promises to her. In open adoption you can have whatever level of ongoing contact you want, from occasional updates and photos, to regular visits and being a part of the family. There are no guarantees in adoption -- sometimes adoptive parents do make mistakes, get divorces, go bankrupt, die. But one thing I can say for sure is how much adoptive couples want to be parents. We had to submit oursleves to rigorous background checks, prying interviews, self-examination, study, education, inspections. You have to really want it and be serious about it. No couple could go through all that and then fail to love your child! Sure, the media tells horror stories, but statistically adoptive parents could arguably be the best parents because they so appreciate the gift of parenthood. Adoptive couples go through years and years of painful waiting and expectation. We started trying to become pregnant 6 years ago. Very few people have to wait that long for anything they want this badly. On top of those emotions are the deeply felt gratitude, honor and respect for the woman who sacrifices her own wishes for what she knows to be best for her child. Birthmothers are not ever forgotten. Their children are told from the beginning what their birthmothers went through to bring them into the world and choose the kind of life they wanted to provide for them. Anyway, I don't mean to persuade you or to preach about adoption. I just wished to reassure and educate. I wish you well, whatever you decide is best for you and your baby. I'm sorry you are being faced with such a difficult choice.