how do you know when you have found "the one"?

[neaj]

hi all,

 

i just have a general question....i would like to hear your stories....

 

i want to know have you ever thought or have found "the one"? what i mean by "the one" is someone who you were/are growing old with. could you also give a little background to the story?

 

in other words when you two met, where you smitten over this person or did you hate him/her? did you KNOW you were going to be with him/her and then as circumstance turned out you ended up with someone else??? or did you hate them and then fell in love with him/her out of the blue?? or did you KNOW from the beginning that he/she was "the one"?

 

thanks all for the answers!

[UptownGuy]

There is no such thing as "the one" unless you happen to be a Hollywood screenwriter. You can be compatible with any number of people. Thinking that only a specific person can be "the one" is a dangerous idea propagated by movies and tv shows. It leads many people to unnecessary heart break when they think they have lost "the one" or can't find "the one".

[savignon]

I met my husband at work. I wasn't attracted to him at first (he's sooo shy and quiet!) although he says he looked for a ring on my finger the instant we met.

Over the course of a few months, I came to see that he was very sweet and admired that he was taking such risks to impress me (risks for someone who's shy....not like jumping off buildings).

When we went out I could see how much effort he put into the date as well as how nervous he was about it which I thought was sooo cute and sweet given that I'd mostly met much more confident/outgoing guys in the past.

There was a point a couple months later where I realized he was "the one" (meaning the one I would marry...I agree w/ Uptown that we are compatible with a number of people in the course of our lifetime)

We were engaged six months into our relationship and were married last Saturday!

[neaj]

just wanted to add that when i say "the one" it is meant for lack of better words....i have learned that there isn't just "one" person that is someone can grow old with...

 

savignon's story was/is great!

[savignon]

Neaj,

Do you think you've met "the one?"

 

[neaj]

Neaj,

Do you think you've met "the one?"

 

 

 

thanks for the question. well i don't know if i have or haven't. just to reiterate, i have learned that there isn't just "one" we can get along with and grow old with...

 

with that said...i have met a lot of men and i thought my ex(he and i were together for eight years) was "the one". but since we have broken up i realize that we actually weren't that compatible at all. i have met men since then and while we may have gotten along, we weren't out after the same things...

 

however i recently met someone and the thought that comes to mind is "where have you been all my life"? however the situation between he and i is a unique one and i don't know if it is possible that he and i are going to be able to get to know each other more....(just for the record, no he is not married)

[savignon]

well, what's the situation?

[Capricorn3]

My story is very very similar to savignon's story, lol. I also met my husband at work, and wasn't attracted to him at all, although (according to him), it was instant attraction for him and he said he knew I was "the one". He pursued me for about 18 months until I finally gave in and went on a date with him, lol. It took me a while to get used to him, as he's soooooo serious, but he's the perfect gentleman in every way and very very respectful. The rest is history, lol.

[Dinka]

I met my guy - let's call him John - in HIGH SCHOOL GYM CLASS. We were both athletic, but we both hated gym class, so we would just sit to the side with some friends and climb trees and race each other to the fence and back.

 

I had a HUGE crush on him, and I even asked him to our Winter Formal:

 

"Gee, I don't have a date to Winter Formal this year."

 

And his response was, as he looked up from his comic book:

 

"Aw, gee...that's too bad."

 

Ha!

 

After that, I figured he wasn't interested and started seeing another guy. We broke up, and John was the guy who told me what a loser the other guy was and I deserved better...blah blah blah. All being nice.

 

I went away to college and we kept in touch here and there. I dated a few people, he dated a few people. We'd all hang out in our group of friends when I came home to visit.

 

Then, during one vacation, I finally told him, "I'm bored, I'm taking you out on a date!" And he said yes! lol We went to dinner, then just kind of drove around. When he dropped me back off at home, he said, "I just want you to know that I think you're beautiful and I would really like to kiss you right now." So I grabbed him around the neck and kissed him right there!

 

Since that night, we've been together for five years and we're starting to talk about getting married. To be honest, I couldn't imagine being with anyone else in the world except him. ...except maybe John Mayer. (just kidding!)

 

I don't think there was any time it hit me just once that I knew he was "the one." It came on very gradually, but every now and then I'll just remember out of nowhere how excited I am to get old with him.

[spinstermanquee]

Aww... I love Dinka's post!

 

I agree there's more than one "one" out there for everyone. I also think the "one" can change depending on age and circumstance.

 

Anyhoo, my "one" and I were dating a few months and we had eaten a particularly rich meal one night. I was in such gastric pain that I thought I was going to die! He seemed to be sleeping, so I slipped out a bit... and he busted up laughing!!! Test, passed. Relief!

 

Seriously, though, the "one" feeling for me was that I could totally be myself with NO hiding. I felt loved and accepted. I didn't have to put on makeup or dress up... or stick a cork in it

[Batya33]

We were very serious about each other, broke up (mostly my doing) and then got back together 8 years later, 4 years ago. I think I knew on our first real date after getting back together -- we had gotten together a few times over a period of about 5 weeks and decided about two weeks before our first date to get back together (the first date was delayed a bit because he was out of town). I knew also because I felt at home with him and because I had no interest in dating anyone else or in keeping my options open- I was "done".

 

The magical notion of "the one" and "soulmates" - that was how I felt when we took our wedding vows last year. I never knew I would feel quite like that - as I've written here before - it was magical and completely natural simultaneously (but really I can't describe the feeling entirely).