Just saw ex on a dating site!

[jtg1975]

I actually met my ex on this dating site and it was an instant connection, she was really head over heels for the first 3 months, talking marriage, kids whole nine yards, never been soo happy. I knew it was way too fast but we both wanted the same things. After another few months i noticed she didn't seem to want to spend as much time together and i knew deep down inside something wasn't right. But there where some other things in between, she was having stomach problems making her sick and ended up having minor surgery so i thought this had something to do with it. But she would say everything was fine we have the rest of our lives, yada yada. But than out of the blue it happened, she was unhappy. It wasn't me she needed to learn to love herself first, same old lines. And we broke up a little over a month ago. The first couple weeks where tough but being as it was only a 6 month relationship, i wasn't as hurt as some previous relationships. But the first thing that came to my mind was how can i trust anyone in a relationship as i have had a couple within the last few years just not work where i get left dumbfounded. Anyways i was looking through the dating site i met her on and there she was today, it stung a bit to see her on there. I know that i am not as hurt as alot of people on here that are devasted, but i have been in a couple previous ltr's and i was totally crushed and it took me a while to pick myself up. And i just feel like i am doing something wrong. And anyways i needed to vent, thanks.

[annie24]

hi - welcome to enotalone - I don't know the whole story of your relationship and what you did and what she did, but her talking about marriage so fast sounds like a red flag. Like she's very impulsive, and then she lost interest very quickly. It sounds like she likes intensity and drama and then once there's none, she gets bored and moves on. Anyways, count yourself lucky, she's not good long-term material. hang in there.

[nutbrownhare]

Yep, people who are over-the-top keen in the early days cool off quickly or become abusive, then latch on to somebody else and are over-the-top keen with them ... and so on. She will undoubtedly meet someone else online and go through exactly the same thing with them. That's who she is, not who you are. And really, really, don't take it personally.

 

(My ex of last year was on an online dating site at the same time as trying really hard, really sincerely, to get me back. Then he met someone at a festival and very shortly was coming up with the 'never met anyone like you, I've never felt like this about anyone' sort of line with her, as he did with me when we first met. Three weeks later he was with someone else and I'd bet good money that he was coming out with that stuff to her, too. But at least lady No.2 and I were able to laugh about it!)

 

I think one of the problems with online dating is that you are presented with a lot of information about the other person right from the very beginning. In 'real life' it would take a lot longer to find out all this, and in that time you really have the opportunity to see how they tick, how you really fit together and so on. Most importantly, you haven't had the chance to observe how this person was before they met you; people aren't likely to be proclaiming the iffier parts of their history in an online profile. So the online stuff gives an illusion of a connection which isn't necessarily there.

 

Sure, it works for a lot of people, but I do think it pays to hold back a bit - especially if you find things are moving too fast in the early days.

[jtg1975]

I knew it was going too fast so i told her i wouldn't commit to anything until we where together for at least a year. But she was in a 4 year relationship before me, and it had been over for a while but i may have been a rebound. She just roped me into it by being so intense and i really got bit hard.