On and off friends?

[smiles21]

Hi Guys,

 

I wanted to post this here.

 

I have a couple friends, lets call them Bill and Jane. I've known these two for probably 6 years now. (I'm 25, they are 25,26). They seem to come in and out of my life every few months. Bill always has a "new friend" and ends up stop calling me to hangout, etc. I just dont understand. Jane is very much the same way, always has a new girl friend, and shes very protective over her. Just a very mean person but is nice to your face.

 

It's hard to explain I guess. They hang out with my friends and then dont invite me places even after I invite them to functions and group hangouts.

 

They expect you to call them. I just dont understand it! We are grown adults and they still act like children.

 

Awhile back I lent tools to Bill, he broke the tool, and has yet to even replace it ($100). He thinks because I have a job I can just buy another one and I've told him I need it fixed. It's insane.

 

I also have a professional 8-5 job, they currently struggle to pay their rent because of car payments, and neither of them has a real job with no real ambition. I really would like to just stop being friends with these people but I cant because they are so intertwined into our social circle. Also, my girlfriend of two years is cousins with Jane. That does not help my situation.

 

Anyone else has these type of friends?

[greensleeves]

Since they're in your circle, it'll be difficult to just stop being friends with them, but you could stop pursuing a deeper friendship with them. You mentioned that you call them and invite them to different functions so don't bother with them anymore. When you're forced to be in their company be civil and sociable but not overly friendly. And if he asks to borrow any more tools, just say no, you'll be needing it.

[smiles21]

It just seems like people flock to these guys. They constantly have new friends. I just dont understand it. I dont want to be left out of the social circle either, but I wont be letting him use any more tools, thats for sure...

[EverythingIAm]

I used to have friends like these, but I kicked them to the curb. They're only there when it's on their own terms. Friendships are supposed to be 50/50. Not 90/10. Greensleeves is right. Don't invite them anywhere, don't call them to chat it up, dont be too chummy with them in person. Just say hi and move on to the real people. If they seem to follow you around at a gathering, just keep moving. They'll quickly find someone else to quench their thirst for attention. It hurts to do this, but it hurts worse to put up with this treatment. Its ok to give yourself time to miss them but don't forget to remember that you're really trading them in for a more loyal, reliable, trustwothy group of people

[smiles21]

I used to have friends like these, but I kicked them to the curb. They're only there when it's on their own terms. Friendships are supposed to be 50/50. Not 90/10. Greensleeves is right. Don't invite them anywhere, don't call them to chat it up, dont be too chummy with them in person. Just say hi and move on to the real people. If they seem to follow you around at a gathering, just keep moving. They'll quickly find someone else to quench their thirst for attention. It hurts to do this, but it hurts worse to put up with this treatment. Its ok to give yourself time to miss them but don't forget to remember that you're really trading them in for a more loyal, reliable, trustwothy group of people

 

Thanks for the advice. It's really hard to do this because they are so intertwined with my girlfriends family. It just really sucks I have to deal wit this. It's almost unavoidable.

[EverythingIAm]

Thanks for the advice. It's really hard to do this because they are so intertwined with my girlfriends family. It just really sucks I have to deal wit this. It's almost unavoidable.

 

You don't have to be friends with everyone from your girlfriends family or with all friends of her family. Frankly, I have a couple family members whom I certainly wouldn't want my boyfriend to be friends with! Do you feel obligated to be friends with her cousin and this other friend because of the relationship?

I don't think you should let them influence your relationship with your girlfriend and with the people you get along with in her family in any way. You should be able to enjoy being with your girlfriend and other members of her family without feeling the need to bring these 2 negative people into the mix. You don't have to associate with every friend or cousin at a particular gathering. And if your girlfriend insist on inviting these 2 people to something, you can tell her how much you love spending time with just her or say "hey I haven't seen your other cousins or friends in a while, we should call them up instead". Or if it's you, your girlfriend, and these 2 negative people, just keep the conversation with them very detached and impersonal so it feels like you're meeting acquaintances and not friends. That way you can still detach yourself from the friendship in person.