rebelfac Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 throw me away and so easily replace me after 14 years together, 12 years of marriage, 4 houses, 5 cruises, 60k hours of great conversation, 1700 times of intimacy and she tells me i am her soul mate 13 years into the relationship. Oh and we have a 12 year old daughter. She tells me I was a good father but I know I could have been a better husband. ( I wasn't afectionate) I know she is happy in the honeymmon phase with a new guy but we had one too and doesn't longevity count for anything? being in NC for 4 weeks does: out of site , out of mind happen or absense makes the heart grow fonder? Does she ever thing about me and the memories? Like that song how can she be so heartless? Just venting again Link to comment
rina17 Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 Sir,they can be many issues being involved with this sitution. If you dont mind me asking what lead about to this point in your life? Link to comment
littlestar Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 Sucks when this happens but perhaps there was something missing in the relationship that she was seeking and has now possibly found elsewhere? A history with someone isnt a reason to stay in a relationship if one is unhappy and feels something is lacking... Link to comment
rebelfac Posted July 27, 2009 Author Share Posted July 27, 2009 She wanted to feel loved and wanted and I created a big void by not being affectionate. I don't want to sound like a broken record here but I just don't understand why it all has to be thrown away. ( the friendship too) I guess I just have to accept that she is in a new relationship but she really meant that she wanted to remain friends. People don't seem to understand sometimes though that sure the honeymoon phase is more exciting than 14 years into a relationship. Her new friends are telling her to end contact with me but I am starting to resent that too. It seems that she is throwing me away and that I will one day want to be friends again. If she throws that away now then I won't want to ever want to be friends with her at that point. It can't all be on her terms. Link to comment
rebelfac Posted July 27, 2009 Author Share Posted July 27, 2009 So I guess a commitment and 14 years means nothing anymore. WHY GET MARRIED THEN. I will never invest so much time into one person EVER AGAIN Link to comment
dimnickel1980 Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 my heart goes out to you. that is so sad Link to comment
rebelfac Posted July 27, 2009 Author Share Posted July 27, 2009 If she had just communicated her need and helped me understand the big void I could have worked on the issue. She said that nobody wants to bring up that they aren't feeling loved. I did please her in but but lacked the passion. I do understand why she left but not why she cheated. I do think that a separation sometime is needed to get one party to realize what they have lost. Link to comment
Pontius Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 A history with someone isnt a reason to stay in a relationship if one is unhappy and feels something is lacking... Every relationship lacks something. We are told time and again to not derive our happiness from our relationships, but why do people then blame their relationships for their feelings of unhappiness? If one cannot hold up to their commitments, then one should not be making commitments. Link to comment
WomanWriter Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 If she had just communicated her need and helped me understand the big void I could have worked on the issue. She said that nobody wants to bring up that they aren't feeling loved. I did please her in but but lacked the passion. I do understand why she left but not why she cheated. I do think that a separation sometime is needed to get one party to realize what they have lost. BINGO! Communication problem...she threw 14 years out the window because she expected you to read her mind. VERY sad. I agree...she should have talked to you like an adult and you two could have problem-solved, but she gave up without even trying. So common. I don't blame you for not wanting to invest so much again, but not everyone is like your ex...although, sadly, I don't know how we can forsee these things. You took a chance and she bailed on you. That really sucks! Link to comment
vertigoxo Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 Oh wow. I would never throw away 14 years out the window just like that. I would do all I can in my power just to make that kind of relationship work. That woman sounds unbalanced. Link to comment
surfNski Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 I hear you man, its amazing how some people can just move on like no big deal. After the depths of intimacy and all the history someone can just throw it away and find it with someone else. In my opinion when you put that kind of time and heart into a connection you don't just walk away, you fight for it. Maybe that thought is in the minority. I feel for you, I hope things work out better than they did for me. Link to comment
Mr_BabyBlade Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 Oh wow. I would never throw away 14 years out the window just like that. I would do all I can in my power just to make that kind of relationship work. That woman sounds unbalanced. I wish there were more women like you in this world vertigo. to the OP: A sad story, I really feel for you. I hope things work out for you. Link to comment
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