(ex)Girlfriend trouble, need advise

[Arno]

Hi I had a relationship with Marie, a gril from sweden. She and I

had contact for over 5 years.

All of a sudden she got a boyfriend in the netherlands (Where I live) and

moved here.

 

We only had contact about the usual stuff all that years, how is sweden etc

etc. Than one day she called me and said she moved to Amsterdam and would

like to see me. She moved with her boyfriend to Amsterdam.

 

We met and i liked her and thought she was beautifull, but i wasn't in love

at first sight.

After a while whe said to me that she was in love with me. I said we should

takes things slow and that she had to tell her boyfriend everything

honestely. She said she did and after a while i fell so madly in love with

her that we started a relationship.

 

But she was still living with her exboyfriend. Who knew all about us, she

said, but she made a deal with him that she could live there until she

found a place of her own.

 

After a short while I found het a place near Amsterdam, in Haarlem. Than our

relationship could really get going.

 

She felt depressed about hurting her ex. I understanded that really well. I

wanted to help her to find her way in a strange county and help her to

regain her selfrespect and get a good life. She was down. That's why she

didn't take good care of herself.

 

I helped her with everything i could, I paid alot for her, helped het get

insurance, drove her anywhere. Helped her when she felt bad. etc etc etc.

 

On the night of my birthday she cheated on me. She said it was the first

time. She went out with people from her class, she was studying dutch to get

into the university. She told me that she had a good friend in that class,

and i thought that was ok. Why couldn't she have friends. But she had sex

with him and let him take advantage of her in all the ways possible, the

first time the even had sex.

 

Than i realised because of what she told me that she had lied a lot to me.

She went out with him without telling me, she used me for times that she

felt bad, she also went back to hr ex a couple of times. etc etc etc. And

it's a good possibility she even had more guys. I loved her with all my hart

I am real enough to know that love must come from two people and if one of

them doesn't love the other, a relationship can't come true. But I really am

broken about the lack of respect she has. Why didn't she tell me she wasn't

in live with me anymore? And than have sex with other guys? That's real

strange. She's kind of self destructive right now. Her parents know nothing

about this. I am so hurt that i wanted to help her with getting a place of

her own, getting her own life etc etc. And she thanked me for that by

letting an other guy take advantage of her in all the ways possible

(sexually). Possibly drugs are involved.

 

After i broke up with her, she wanted me back. It was all a mistake she

said. She wanted me to sit next to her when she called that guy to say she

never wants to see him again. She did that, but strangely she went over

there for the next three days and had every kind of sex imaginable. And she

told me that herself.

 

I found out when she was with him i checked on her if she still saw him. I

also wanted her back, and i wanted to check if i could trust her. Maybe not

the best thing i could do, but i was so confused back than. I tried to help

her and make a plan so she could get her life back on track. She said she

wanted to do that. But nevertheless, she went back to that guy.

 

ratiopnally i don't want her back. But i still feel for her. I don't want

anything bad to happen to her. Should i contact her parents? Should i help

her myself? Or should i protect myself and not have any contact with her.

 

This is only a small part of the whole story, she did a lot of other things

to me. Almost in a provoking manner. Really strange. When, for example, we

ate at my parents house, she ate like a hill billy. She hardly even said

hello when entering, never made some chit chat. And that was not because she

was shy or something.

 

I am still thinking a lot about this, about how is should give this a place

in my mind.

 

Is thare someone who could give me advise or who had the same sort of thing?

I hope this story is in the right place here, I am new a newsgroups.

[Mines a black coffee]

Arno, first of all well done for letting everyone know how you feel, you have clearly been honest with everyone and for that you deserve an honest answer.

Basically, you can't take her back. Unfortunately, like it always seems in this world, the good guy finishes last. This Marie has clearly taken advantage of your good nature, and you certainly deserve better than her. You have to let her go. I have unfortunately been in a similar situatioin whereby feleings are not equal, I loved her so much (and a year down the line after breaking up I still do), but she cheated on me so many times and I always took her back. As I said, a year has passed, she has been with this other man for a year now, and I find it hard to becasue it just brings back all those feelings (I picture them sleeping together, having sex, hugging, everything and its horrible). What I am trying to say is that it gets easier. Forget her, you are better than her, in this situation for once look after yourself and don't care what anyone else says. It is hard, I still struggle, but time is a great healer (cliche I know, but it is true), and you will come out of this stronger and a better person. Go out and have fun, and if she has the nerve to ask you back just tell her you are better than her and what you had you can never get back, and leave it like that. Good luck

[Arno]

Arno, first of all well done for letting everyone know how you feel, you have clearly been honest with everyone and for that you deserve an honest answer.................

 

 

Thanx for replying. I really know what you must feel. I treid to help her get her life back on track, and she said to me she wanted to end het relationship with the other guy. She even called him to say that while i was sitting next to her, she wanted me there for support. But hardly a day after that and the following days, she had sex with him again. In all ways....

 

I also picture those things, I don't want to, but sometimes you can't stop yourself. This gives a lot of stress.

 

I know it takes time, but it's good to hear that.

 

Thanx a lot for your response

[Mines a black coffee]

No probem, time is a great healer, you'll get there in the end. Don't take her back, or perhaps 'play' her a little, just to prove to her you don't need her (even if you feel you do, make her think you don't). Take care bro, remember at least you have someone who wants you, think of it that way.