I'm such an idiot, I always let myself down!

[Mines a black coffee]

Basically, since I split with my ex over a year ago now I have a real problem with trusting women, and for this reason I let myself down when I have opportunities to meet new ones. I have since had sexual relations as such with 4 women, however the longest one of these lasted was 3 months. Put simply, I did not trust her. Now, most people if they heard why would simply put me down as paranoid, however perhaps I am. My reasons for not trusting are irrelevant, however it is tearing me apart becasue I turn down women who ask me out, even if I reallyl ike them. The latest women has now met and is dating someone else, and I am cursing myself for always letting myself down, and got drunk the other day and text her. She 'told me off' and told me to leave her alone becasue she was with this new man. Any advice on how to get her would be appreciated, im determined not to let another opportunity slip.

 

Thanks

[WhiteIcE]

Well if she's with a new man, she's not worth your time, and if she cared she would have talked to you.

 

As for letting yourself down, don't do it. You can only be respected if you respect yourself. I'm sure if you have a mental session with yourself you can get this fixed very quickly.

 

But I'm sure its understandable why you don't trust women right now. You've been hurt, and not giving other women any more chances is your escape from being hurt again. Just give it time, and I'm sure everything will be okay. Just think positive, and try to get to know people really well before you want to try a relationship.

 

You will find someone. Just don't give up.

Good luck.

[Rainy]

Iv been on the recieving end of of a relationship where my ex boyfriend didnt trust me, it broke my heart the suffering he did and also the suffering he put me through too!!

 

He would push me away and then want me to jump through hoops to see him when it suited,

 

Being on the recieving end of this is not much fun, and i know you have been hurt and with any relationship you always take the risk, but you need to be ready , and if you are and the next time you meet someone ask them out and take it really slowly until ypu do feel ready tot rust them, if they understand why you want to take it slowly im sure they will, if there are decent!!

 

good luck

[woobiegirl]

You and thousands of others....don't feel alone, but you certainly are not an idiot...just human. Anyone who has been lied to, cheated, hurt, dumped, taken advantage off have felt what you are. The good thing is you realize this mistrust isn't healthy and you need to change your way of thinking or you will self destruct any possibilities of a healthy relationship. I would suggest you check out the self help section at a major bookstore on relationships...it helped me to learn about myself and my shortcomings.

 

Trust is earned after you spend time with someone and get to know them, and then build a comfort level which you share. Entering a new relationship can be intimidating since we have no guarantees...but to go through life without trust and love isn't the answer either.

 

Hoep this helped and good luck!!

Woobiegirl

[Mines a black coffee]

Thanks woobiegirl. I have sent my ex an email this afternoon basically apologising and putting the past behind me. I've had enough of being pissed off, and a year of being bitter has really got to me. I don't want to see her, but i wished her well and I actually feel really good for doing it, despite the fact I know she did truly nasty things to me. Its a case of getting on with life, opening a new chapter and accepting myself for what I am.

[TrueHeart]

You are a mirror image of my current boyfriend... Scorned by an ex over 10 years ago...

 

I have learned to perservere with him and I believe he's beginning to trust again.. I've slipped up a few times, but I SHOW him I love him... He's never had that...

 

Time only tells..... and I'm living proof that it can happen.. and did with me!

 

As far as the girl you liked... she's moved on, my friend... I agree with Rainy...

 

Just make sure that you hide your cell phone when you get drunk again... just so you don't get yourself in trouble in your inebriated state...