will she come back again or shall i just say no next time

[martyj]

Hi guys wanted some advice from females too.

 

I met this girl 3 years ago and we were full on for almost a year and being mid 20's were going to get hitched and have a family. She left after a trip to Europe and went back to an ex fiance whilst keeping in touch with me but i was devastated so let it happen. Thats lasted 5 months and then she came back for 3 months and asked me to marry her and stuff but then left again. During the next 7 months we fell out and she dated other guys some that i know and came up to me in clubs saying that we might get back together. Last summer she wouldnt leave me alone saying she realise i was the one and would do anything to prove that she had chosen me forever.

 

She left after 3 months just before Chirstmas and then came back new years day. We did all the things lovers do. then in mid Feb i sent an email to say i had a meeting with a record company and hoped she was ok probably cos i missed her alot. She told me again she wanted to settle down but she was scared and she didnt know what of. We saw each other a few times and then she said the passion had gone and although she fancied me there was something missing. But she said we could see each other and see what happened. Now because i love her i wanted to marry her and now it has changed to i dont love but wanna be friends and when i asked her if she had another boyfriend she said nothing but it sounded like she had. What has made us fall out was that she sent me a picture of her snowboarding last Friday and it just made me sad.

 

Is this girl worth it or shold i just leave as at the moment we have fallen out badly but then again this isnt the first time? I am a little older and so is she and i dont know many couples my age that go through this stuff. any advice from females would be great.

[healing]

Wow...this woman has quite the pattern.

This isn't healthy behavior.

Have you told her how you feel about her inconsistency?

She could be more troubled than you realize.

[martyj]

yes i have told her many times and she went to couselling but it never helped, one day she can be silent and quiet and the next she can be telling me she adores me again.

 

I think she may be troubled by her mum being married so many times and an alcoholic and maybe she chooses me cos she knows i ry to understand where she is coming form

 

It certainly isnt healthy and it is affecting my well being but i am supposed to just 'get over it'

[vnora87]

This most be really hard. Especially trying to get over something that meant so much to you, but she is not going to change especially after you've given her so many chances. Personally I've had guys change, after me thinking they wouldnt, but the only way it can happen is if she loves you just as much. That she realizes you are the one . She might say that but obviously what im trying to say you have to be sure she means it. And after all shes put you through if she really does she should prove it. But if not. Try as hard to kep urself busy and move one, its not worth it.

[vnora87]

This most be really hard. Especially trying to get over something that meant so much to you, but she is not going to change especially after you've given her so many chances. Personally I've had guys change, after me thinking they wouldnt, but the only way it can happen is if she loves you just as much. That she realizes you are the one . She might say that but obviously what im trying to say you have to be sure she means it. And after all shes put you through if she really does she should prove it. But if not. Try as hard to kep urself busy and move on, its not worth it.

[martyj]

thanks vnora i agree with what you are saying, at this precise moment she has said that she doesnt love me but wants to be friends to me that means i want to see other people but will keep you there for the future which is kinda what i have let her do in the past

 

It is real hard cos i had my heart set on her and adored her but need to gather the strength to stop contact and if in the future she comes back to say no and judging by the pattern that has formed she will its as if everytime i am nearly over her she comes back. My friends tell me she has some sort of problem and cant committ and it is indeed her that cant move on but i have had enough and deserve the love of a woman that is there not just when she needs to be there.

 

My heart is broken but i have let her do it i suppose its just sometimes you fal in love and you dont want to believe what is right before your eyes

[martyj]

any more advice guys as this is still so painful