My fiancee is trying to meet up with her ex

[itsjustmeagain]

Hello,

 

So I found out that my fiancee is trying to meet up with her ex boyfriend for lunch, which she didn't tell me about. I found out because I was using her phone and saw her ex's number on the recently called list so I naturallly got suspicious.

 

Should I feel upset about this, especially since she didn't tell me? All that she mentioned to me was that she texted her ex so that he could mail her spare car key. In their text messages she seemed very insistant on trying to meet up with him rather than use the mail for the key.

 

I don't know if it is normal to be upset, but I know that I wouldn't meet up with any of my ex's because it would be rude to her. Even if I did want to, I would tell her about it.

 

Thanks.

[jengh]

I think the fact that she hid it from you raises a red flag. I guess, the way I see it, if it's just a casual returning of a key meeting..why wouldn't she just mention it to you? It seems sketchy that she's being all secretive about it.

[pinkrobot]

So I take it you confronted her about it, since she offered an explanation?

 

What makes me curious is--her explanation was for him to mail a spare car key...how long since they were together? If she's your fiancee, I'd assume it's been quite awhile. Why would she JUST NOW be contacting him about a key?

 

This has a red flag waving all over it.

[jengh]

That's what I'm wondering too. Why does she all of a sudden need this key? Can't she just have another one cut? And if you're her fiance, that tells me you've been together for awhile...

[itsjustmeagain]

She doesn't know that I know since I found out from the text messages on her phone. She needed the key because her current key wasn't working and a new key is expensive (it's a stupid electronic key).

 

I don't think that she would cheat on me, but I still feel like she should have told me that she wanted to have lunch with him. Should I confront her about it?

[tastytoothpaste]

At first I was like "yikes! She's keepin secrets!" but then I read on and she did in fact tell you that she was getting the key from him. But if she specifically said she was mailing it to him and hasn't mentioned anything about meeting up, you should most definitely confront her cuz that's not cool at all. Especially since y'all are gonna be married! You need to get to the bottom of this and find out these things before you tie the knot. Seriously.

[Fiend]

It could be an issue, but it's probably not.

 

Some people just like to keep in touch with their ex's. Curiosity often get the best of us and we feel the need to see how their doing and what they've been up to since.

 

It is normal to be upset, and I think you should have been well-informed about the situation.

[tastytoothpaste]

 

I don't think that she would cheat on me, but I still feel like she should have told me that she wanted to have lunch with him. Should I confront her about it?

 

She should have told you and yes you should confront her. But you have to be very careful about how you do it. Do not--I repeat, DO NOT--attack her. Calmly explain that you were not snooping, but you used her phone blah blah blah and it made you uncomfortable. If she flips out or overreacts, that's a huge red flag. If she's honest and calm, that's a good sign. But there's no way of knowing the truth, I guess just go with what she tells you and with your gut feeling about it after the conversation.

[pinkrobot]

I'm still unsure about the fact that even after she moved on from that relationship and is now engaged to you (meaning, a good chunk of time has to have passed since they were together), he still has her spare key.

 

I had a spare key of my exes, and it was in the trash within a week of the breakup (mean, I know, but he had it coming). Point is, why would her ex have kept her spare key this WHOLE TIME? Hmmm...

 

I would confront her about it. Sure, it's not the best thing that you went through her phone. But you can't help what you found and it's suspicious enough I wouldn't just let it go.

[Laura11111]

Hmmm...I don't think I'd worry. It's just lunch and she's engaged to you. How old is the text? Maybe she just hasn't told you yet. Are you a jealous person? Maybe she's not telling you because she thinks you'll overreact. How did their relationship end and how long ago? Maybe they're just catching up. I'd calmly ask her.

[twomonks]

Not sure what makes you concerned. Have you had an issue with trust before with your fiance?

 

I am friends with two of my exs and I never felt the need to make a special point of telling my partner if I met them for a meal or talked with them. He knew he had my affections.

[peabdysmermaid]

it is possible it's not a thing at all. she may have just wanted to see him with no disloyalty to you intended but an immature person might assume that all contact with ex's - even totally innocent contact, is wrong and decide better not to say anything since it's nothing. why open a can worms for nothing, right? if this is the case, she should have just copped to it anyway but that's easier said than done. it's called being mature. call her on it and like Southern said, don't attack her.

 

there are circumstances where keeping in contact with a certain ex isn't right, but there are plenty of circumstances where it is perfectly fine provided all involved are mature and respectful. lying isn't respectful of you.