Can anything help this situation?

[JohnDoe]

Last year, there was a girl in one of my classes that I thought was a great person and had a great personality, but who was off limits because she was going out with someone, and had been for the past two years.

 

About a month ago, when working in the library on my lunch she appraoched me and asked me to take her flying in a small plane. At this point in time, I had no idea that she wasn't still going out with said individual, and thought that she was just interested in seeing what it was like. A few e-mails were exchanged between us, and shes started using affectionate terms like: hun, hunny, sweetie, cutie, etc. I thought nothing of it, until in one e-mail she said that we had a "thing". I asked what she was talking about, but she avoided me and would only leak little bits of info as we continued to talk. She then told me that she wasn't going out with that person and asked if I was interested in there being an "us".

 

I played hard to get at first, but was obviously interested. And now we come to the problem.

 

The thing is, is that she still is interested in her previous boyfriend. She knows I am interested, because I told her straight out that I was. I don't know what I can to do try and help her make the right decision. She can't seem to make up her mind.

 

When her and her boyfriend broke up, she started seeing someone else, but she still spent time with her former boyfriend. She said that he didn't have a problem letting her do this, but for obvious reasons I do, but I don't know what to tell her, or what to do about it.

[Celadon]

Hi JD -- It seems like if it's a problem for you that she hangs out with her old boyfriend or that other guy, you'll need to clear that up before you guys start officially going out. Otherwise it'll be an ongoing problem in your relationship. Talk about it now, and let her know she needs to be emotionally tied with you, not the previous guy.

 

To me, when a guy sets out his expectations upfront, that's a sign of confidence. He knows what he wants, he knows he's worth it. Don't be desperate, or she'll sense she can walk all over you.

 

BTW, I hope she's really serious about you, and not just rebounding. It worries me that she hopped immediately to another guy after the break-up with her ex, and now is turning to you. But good luck, I hope it works out.