Girls and making the first move...

[TBE_1989]

I've come to the stage where I feel like I'm ready for a new relationship and I have a few small crushes on some guys I know, one strong crush in particular.

 

 

Thing is-without wanting to sound arrogant - every guy I've ever dated or been involved with (only 4 but still!) has been the one to make the first move. Flirting, asking for number, asking out on date, first kiss, officially becoming a couple, first sexual experience...it's always been the guy, and not me, who's initiated all this.

 

I have realised that not every guy is going to be as confident or, indeed, as initially enthusiastic about me as these guys were. I know there will be times I'l have to be the one to do the chasing, to do a lot of texting, to do most of the flirting. Not all guys are going to be as blatant about their feelings for me as the guys I've dated so far have been.I think one of the reaons why I haven't had any guys in the past year is because I've expected all guys to be really obvious and confident in approaching me and asking me out and telling me they like me, etc. But now that I've realised I need to make it more of a 50:50 game, I'm not sure what to do.

 

Thing is, I'm completely new at this. I don't know how to, for example, flirt with a crush without them having flirted with me first. How to express interest without coming accross as desperate or overtly sexual and easy. How to text or communicate online with someone I really like. How to pursue a guy I am really really interested in.

 

I'm sure lots of girls here are in the same boat. Guys, what do you think about girls making the first move? For dating that is, not just for random hookups in clubs or whatever.

 

How can a shy girl make the first move without coming accross as desperate? What's the difference or the line between letting someone you know you like them and acting pathetic and needy? How does a shy girl just try and put herself out there for dating with a guy she likes in a dignified way?

[Purusha]

I would love to know the answer to this one too!! I'm very shy and have no idea how to communicate interest to a guy without looking like a total desperado, crap at flirting.

 

How does one go about acquiring these skills?!

[crisco disco]

Well I'm a guy, a somewhat shy one when it comes to making the first move, and all my previous girlfriends have been the ones to make the first move when it comes to sex. I have a fear of crossing the line with a woman, so I always make sure they initiate sex for the first time, which can probably be frustrating to women who like an aggressive man.

 

Same goes with flirting. I just have a fear of making a woman feel uncomfortable, so I usually wait for her to flirt, then reciprocate.

 

After flirting though, I will make the first move to kiss.

 

I don't think it makes women look desperate to make the first move. Some guys, like me, are shy and afraid off crossing the line and making a woman feel uncomfortable.