Should I break the NO CONTACT rule

[SLBG]

Ok,

 

Could really do with some advice.

 

Me and my ex fiancée were together for 5 years. 5 and a half weeks ago she splits up with me.

 

For the first few weeks I tried to get her back, begged and emailed (the whole lot) After a few weeks I decided to start NO CONTACT.

 

Recently found out she has met somebody else who treats her like a princess and makes her so happy. Was really tough excepting it but didn't want to pressure her and backed away (hence started no contact)

 

Well its been 2 and a half weeks since we last spoke, she did send me an email last week but I didn't reply.

 

I have been on this site for a few weeks, made a few post and had some great advice.

 

What I really want to no is should I break the NO CONTACT with a small txt message saying hi, how are things going ?

 

Nothing about the relationship, no begging just hi. To cut a long story short I don't think my ex feels that I think she is very special/important to me. Im starting to have doubts if the NO CONTACT was the best route.

 

Ive missed her so much, every day I check my phone and email hoping she will make contact. Then when she doesn't feel low and wish she would realize I love her and return.

 

So what do you think guys, will a small txt or even an email 2morrow morning hurt?

 

Should I wait for her to miss me and initiate?

 

What if she is on the verge of contact me as she misses me and I make the first move, will I have blown all I have worked hard on?

 

I have posted bits about my story, if you want more info take a look at some of my other posts.

 

Thanks in advance

 

Regards

 

 

slbg

[sbrew21]

Do not break the NO contact rule. She wrote you an email which is a great start. Do not text message her at all. If she writes you another email then you can write her back or text message her but until then its just best to leave it alone.

 

She met this new guy, and that's all he is. Something different. You were together for five years. She definitely misses you, but she probably just wants to make sure you are the one for her before its officially settled down. Just give her some time to come around. You need to keep yourself busy and not contact her. For everyday she doesn't call you that is another day you don't answer your phone. Just be strong and you will get through it.

[tiger_lilies]

Will you trust her again if she comes back to you? Aren't you mad that she left you for another guy? Is she still with her current boyfriend?

 

If you absolutly must contact her, maybe you should just lay down the law by writing her an e-mail, meaning telling her that you still love her greatly, but her going with another man is obviously hurting you and that you must start the process of healing. Don't be her doormat!!!

 

The reason she contacted you is because she wants to feel that security that you provided her for 5 years. She is being selfish going with someone else. She wants her cake and to eat it too! It's either you or him. She needs to figure that out for herself. In the meantime, you need to focus on yourself, but don't just take her back immediatley. That would make it too easy for her.

 

Don't tex her hello because you are just making yourself available for her. She screwed you over by going with someone else. Aren't you mad?

[laurag78]

I agree, don't contact her, it will only make matters worse, she will know that she has you and that she can do what she pleases with you. She has moved on with her life with no regards to your feelings and you need to do the same. Maybe she will realize that you are the one she would rather be with, but maybe she won't.

 

It's been 2 weeks since you last spoke, it's probably been the hardest 2 weeks too. So just think you call her again and your going to have to go throughthose horrible 2 weeks again.

 

 

Maybe you should start doing things that will keep your mind off of her. Go out and party! Meet new people! Chances are you might meet someone that will make you forgret all about her just like she forgot about you.

 

 

Whatever doesn't kill you, will only make you stronger!

[SLBG]

Hi every one,

 

Thanks for all your posts.

 

In response to tiger_lilies post I am very hurt and upset about her meeting somebody else.

 

About 2 weeks ago a friend of mine sent her a text asking her how she was and if she needed anybody to talk to regarding the break up.

 

In response to this text she replied: Im ok, "slbg" isn't talking to me anymore we r not friends but me and you are. I have a new bloke, moving out Monday, I no it must seem fast but I don't want to let this one slip away. He makes me laugh and treats me like a princess.

 

So my friend replies back saying: Glad u r ok, bit sudden, hope u r making the right choice. Bit of a kick in the teeth for "slbg" so close to his birthday. "slbg" is just giving you the space u need.

 

Sorry forgot to mention, this was on Friday, my birthday was on Sunday.

 

She then replied the text saying: plz don't tell "slbg" I want to tell him myself when he is talking to me again. I want him to hear it from me.

 

My friend agrees with her but contacts me and breaks the bad news, my heart hits the floor and my emotions start running wild. Im angry, scared and upset.

 

Well on Sunday my birthday comes and goes, by mid afternoon she had not sent me a txt or said happy birthday so I sent her a txt saying: Hi hope ur ok, plz let me no what u want done with the rest of ur stuff. Speak soon slbg.

 

In reply she txt: Happy birthday, I will arrange to get my stuff next week. Hope ur having a nice day.

 

Well on the Monday I txt her in the morning asking when she wants to collect her stuff, she calls me up and says she will be round in 10mins.

 

On arrival I played it cool, invited her in and gave her some of her stuff back, hadn't had time to pack all of it up so just gave her a few bits.

 

We had a short chat just friendly, no talk of relationship or nothing. Then her phone rings and she gets up 2 leave. As she is on her way out I say to her: I no u want to move on, I will sort the rest of ur stuff out mid week and drop it round ur mums. She says fine, I then ask her if we can meet for a final talk, tie up loose ends and get a lil bit of closure on everything. She agrees and says she will txt me later. Well that was 2 weeks ago.

 

So to sum things up, she had a perfect opportunity to tell me she had met somebody else and that she was moving out of her mums but she didn't. She never said a word.

 

I haven't told her I no, I didn't react, didn't call her or txt. Just keep quite, played the game and pretended I didn't no.

 

So yes I am angry, but many people have said to me she might not have a new boyfriend. She may just be playing games.

 

So whats your take on things everyone ???

 

Thanks

 

slbg

[kuhl282000]

it has only been a few weeks.....she does not even have time to miss you and understand what she lost. She at present is seeing someone else, you have no where to go at present. You go start dating someone else. She my come back, she may never come back. Sounds like she is moving on.

No begging, no pleading, no contact......you can't heal if you are feeding the sore new poison everyday. And more than likely if you did make contact "NOW" in the state of mind your in. It would all go sideways anyway. Give it some time.....and know one knows how long, and it may be never. Be strong and go have some fun........

 

 

kuhl

 

8) 8) 8)

[SLBG]

Hi kuhl282000

 

Thanks for your post.

 

I no what ur saying. Its only been 5 and a half weeks since we split up.

 

Its no time at all, why would she miss me so fast. Just felt a lil low earlier.

 

Just got back from my kick boxing class and feel a lot better.

 

It is tough, I feel so desperate at times, just wanna hold her in my arms and feel loved again.

 

I am prepared to give her time, if she wants to move on I will not stand in her way. All I can do is heal, if she never comes back then I will have moved on.

 

She isn't here now, she wont be here 2morrow, she may never return. I will deal with that if and when it happens.

 

Thanks a lot for your advice.

 

How long should I expect to wait for her to contact, I no 5 weeks is only a small amount of time. What sort of time frame does it usally take ???

 

I understand there are no real answers, just looking for a guide.

 

Thanks

 

 

slbg

[Stingseed]

Hi there

 

Just wanna give my 2 cents in. I remember you saying you guys were together 5 years? Well must say that is way more than what me and my ex spent together. 2 months we broke up and she still is calling me and she was or is seeing someone else. From what I have learned they will not forget in a long while. You have to gain your self esteem back, and go have some fun meet someone. So when she calls back you will be that person that she was not expecting, then thats where you turn it on her and make her think. Like someone said earlier dont be her doormat. she will come back Trust me

[lebkaren]

Stingseed, it is true girls take time to forget but if their love turned to hurt then their hurt will eventually turn to hate. If she really loved him it would take her about a year until she starts thinking of some other guy who is compatable to the old boyfriend in looks plus other qualities she did not find in her x. Any how, I know how we function after a break up (hurt & stuff), but I would like to know how you men deal with a break up considering you have initiated it. Also I am talking about men ur age.

[SLBG]

Hi lebkaren,

 

Just a few questions about ur post.

 

U say girls take time to forget but if their love turns into hurt then it will eventually turn in to hate.

 

What did u mean by this? Do u think that if my ex loved me but I hurt her that she will start to hate me?

 

Secondly, you say that it will take my ex about a year to get over me properly. She has already found a new boyfriend. He probably beats me on looks but I don't think he could beat my personality. We shared 5 years 2gether, I stood by her. Do u think that she can forget me so quickly?

 

slbg

[lebkaren]

Hi SLBG,

 

Not all girls are the same. I was talking in general about most girls and how we think. Your girlfriend still have feelings for you, but give her time to realize this. She needs to miss you. However, if you have hurt her via words such as "I don't want you to talk to me or stop calling here," she will never forget that. This is when her love for you should and will turn to hate. My advise for you is always stay the good guy whenever you break up with any of your girlfriends. You would be showing your girlfriend that you are around for her as a friend first then as a lover, then she will want you back really bad. Trust me, it works for all of us.

 

By the way, give yourself some time to realize that you don't want some one who does not want you. You deserve some one who treats you better than this.