give up or keep trying?

[s2556]

K, so this girl and i have had a thing for about 3-4 weeks now and i was just about to ask her out when she said she needed to tell me something. She started hanging out with her ex just as friends and went to a party together where he told her he liked her again and they kissed. She felt really bad but she said she liked him to. so i told her to choose between me and him. she said she really really liked me and only kind of liked him. so what i thought would be an easy, quick decision turned in to a long streddful one. and in the end she said she can't pick and said she picks no one. she said she wants to break off what we had and just stop it all. Then she told me she thinks she loves me and the next day i told her i do love her. then she said that she doesnt know about me anymore but she loves the other guy (her ex). She says that she knows im the better decision and she likes me more but there is just something about her ex that she loves and cant get over. her brain says to pick me but her heart is with him. and to give you some backround on her ex, they have been off and on for about 2 years each time ending in faliure cuz he is an idiot and is not good enough for her. when they go out he treats her like * * * * and is a complete * * * * . So the question is, should i give up and just try and move on (even though i love her), or should i keep pushing and trying to work it out?

Thanks

[TheOther]

Well, I'm not sure how deeply in "love" both of you are after only 3-4 weeks of seeing each other. It's a very short amount of time to be tossing the L-word around.

 

I would definitely try to move on and get other options going. Sounds like she's got some issues to sort through, and her big desire for what appears to be the typical 'bad boy' is a warning signal.

 

If something were to happen in the future, that's good, but in the meantime I'd just leave her behind - even if it feels terrible to do so.

[onewithbooks]

I would move on. She can be confused all she wants, but there is nothing saying that you have buy a ticket on her emotional roller coaster ride. I would let her know you care for her, and that when she gets her feelings straightened out you would be happy to take her to dinner and to treat her the way you feel she deserves to be treated. Until then, why put yourself through her confusion. In the end she is going to pick whomever she wants, so why go though the upheaval?

[pinkrobot]

If her heart's not in it, it'll never work anyway.

 

The fact that she can't decide which one of you to be with is because she's in no way even close to being over her ex. For all you know, you could just be a rebound.

 

Oh, and let's not forget the fact that she kissed her ex and she hasn't even been dating you a month. She didn't exactly prove herself trustworthy, did she? Even if she came to you today and said she wanted to be with you, could you trust that she wasn't thinking about her ex--or even worse--sneaking off and seeing him still?

 

Long story short, move on and pursue someone else. This situation has a terrible ending written all over it.

[s2556]

ok thanks. you guys helped alot. i just talked to her about it, this is what i said:

 

well u know i care about u tons and just might b in love with u and do want to be with u, but we both know that cant happen because u dont know who u want to be with. so lets just be friends until you get your fealings and emotions straight and if u want to start things back up i would be more than happy to, but i cant handle trying and trying, its like an emotional rollarcoaster ill be super stoked thinking that we will get through it, then ill be super bummed out thinkin it wont ever work. so take your time, be with no one if u want, but just know that if in the end when u want to be with some one again, id love to be that some one.

[pinkrobot]

That's good, she definitely needs to get her feelings straight before she lets you put forth any more time and effort for her.

 

Just make sure you're not waiting around for her to come to that decision. Live your life as any single guy would--be open to meeting other girls and keep your contact with this girl strictly friendship-based.

[guitargirl1607308056]

That's good, she definitely needs to get her feelings straight before she lets you put forth any more time and effort for her.

 

Just make sure you're not waiting around for her to come to that decision. Live your life as any single guy would--be open to meeting other girls and keep your contact with this girl strictly friendship-based.

 

 

I agree. If she comes back once she's straightened herself out, fine. But in the meantime, you don't deserve to be someone's afterthought or pinch hitter.