Slept with X-bf after 9 months and I have a new boyfriend

[ameliamolly]

I haven't been here for a while, and now I come back to this forum more confused then ever. I have been seeing a nice guy for the last 7 months. My x-bf and I broke up about 9 months ago. The new guy has been refreshing, because it is a healthy relationship and he treats me well. Lately I have been feeling like things haven't really been progressing between us. We still see each other about 2-3x a week and it's always the same. We go out to dinner, have a few drinks, have sex and he leaves the next morning. I have been hoping that he and I could spend some more quality time together, and I have expressed that to him... but I just don't feel the closeness that I expect after 7 months.

 

I have spoke with my x-bf on and off over the entire period of time, and he has always proclaimed his love and he has been hoping that someday we would get back together. Sometimes I really had wished that he and I could have worked things out, but he had a bad temper and things got so bad I had no choice but to leave him.

 

I went to his (the x-bf's) house on Sunday night "just to talk". He has made some changes in his life and I found myself feeling very proud of him because part of my problem with the relationship was that he never got off his butt to do anything positive with his life. My how things have changed. He bought a house, took a lot of time to make it nice, has a new job and really "seems" to be getting his life together. As the night progressed, I found myself really enjoying being around him and that is something I hadn't felt for a very long time. Eventually he kissed me and things progressed from there...I wound up spending the night and I felt the closeness with him that I felt in the beginning many years ago.

 

I feel horrible for being with him (the x-bf) when I already have a BF. But it did feel so right. I thought I was in love with my new bf, we have told each other that we love each other. But now I am questioning everything. My x wants me to give him another chance, and I just don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt the my current bf, and I fear making a bad decision to give the x-bf another chance and losing a good guy that I am currently with. This is really eating me up inside, it's depressing me. I came home after work yesterday and slept the entire night.

 

If anyone has any insight, suggestions or advice please, please help me.

[Evil_Bunny]

Your the only one person who knows right answer, I can't tell you what to do. The best thing I think you can do is go off for a weekend on your own or with a girlfriend of yours. But no men. You have to work out who you want to be with. Even if you lose them both it will be better than staying with the wrong person.

[Hopingpraying]

Amelia,

 

While I would agree with Bunny that you need time to sort out your feelings, I also think you need to be careful before just jumping right back into another relationship with your Ex. One night together is hardly enough time for you to judge how much he has changed and you could be setting yourself up for another round of heartbreak if he truley has not fixed all his problems. If you truly want to work things out with your ex, then cut it off with the current boyfriend, and take your time with the ex. Explain to him that you two need to step back and learn to be friends before you can become intimate again. This way you can see at a distance whether he has truly changed or not. It is much better alternative then jumping from the frying pan and into the fire..

 

Take your time and go slow!!

[kuhl282000]

Well you have to make up your mind. You know triangle relationships never work out. Someone is going to get left out in the cold. Your not being honest or fair with your new BF. I thinkthe new boyfriend was really just an excuse to wait for the right moment to go back with the ex anyway, if you have been talking all along. And now that sex is back in the picture, you will be forced to make a choice or live a secret life. Deep down you know what to do, and either way it is not going to be easy. If you go back with the ex, and it sounds like that is the direction you are headed. Let the other guy off the hook ASAP. that would only be fair and the right thing to do. I would not mention anything about the ex. What would be the point. It would only make him feel used and hurt him even more. Good luck, your in a pickle and I think your going to need some luck. My one last concern, is that it may look peaches and cream on the outside with your ex now, new job new house etc. But I have found that anger does not go away, unless professional people help. You may think the grass is greener now, but find out later that it might be a different story. It is hard to go back over the fence once you have jumped it. You might be throwing something good away to go back to something bad you already left once before. Anger is a really bad thing when out of control.

 

Think Back Girl, remember what it was like.....go with you heart and gut.

Yes people can change, and I think that is a very good thing. But what your ex has changed is all on the outside. What about the anger on the inside, where did that go ?

 

Kuhl

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