girlygirl227 Posted March 24, 2004 Share Posted March 24, 2004 I've been dating the same guy seriously for 11 months. He's 31, I'm 26. I recently shared my feelings with him I told him I thought he was "the one." He was very honest and told me he didn't know yet if I was the one - he feels that marriage is forever and a decision not to be taken lightly. I totally agree and I don't want to marry someone who isn't certain he wants to marry me. I don't mind waiting on him for a while, but he also made some comments like, "I'm just not ready for my life to be over," and is worried about making a decision and then regretting it later. It sounds like he's more concerned about what he'd be giving up, not what he'd be gaining. I don't want to be stuck in a dead end relationship - and we both don't want to waste each others' time. But neither of us want to break up. Shouldn't he know by now if he could marry me? He "cannot imagine being married" at this point, but said there's an 80% chance we could be engaged by the end of the year... There's also another issue. He still talks to his ex of three years regularly (I think). I told him it bothered my and he's agreed to cut it off. Again. He's said this before and broken my trust. She's out of town and I really don't think they're more than just friends, but I'm hesitant to trust him. I don't know if he's cut it off or not right now. Also, he gets freaked out when we spend too much time together. Two or three nights in a row of hanging out for a couple hours is about the limit. Then he says stuff like, "Are your friends doing anything tonight? Why don't you go hang out with them some, if you want." I like my friends and all, but it worries me that he gets tired of me so easily. He plays basketball or softball 2-3 nights a week! I really love this guy, but I don't want to wait forever, and I don't want to settle for a relationship where I don't feel like I'm the most important person in his life. Any advice is more than welcome... Link to comment
Sentohottie Posted March 24, 2004 Share Posted March 24, 2004 If you love him that much, you will wait. Of course I'm not saying like 10 years or anything, but at some point, he will start feeling for you what you are feeling for him.....or it will die away. There is no way to sit on the fence. Either the relationship is getting better, or its getting worse. Link to comment
sphinx999 Posted March 24, 2004 Share Posted March 24, 2004 He seems like he needs sometime to himself, which he is entitled to. He may need a little time to adjust and all you need to do is make his time with you as fun as possible. He may just be like me some one who enjoys their time alone. Link to comment
Derek Posted March 24, 2004 Share Posted March 24, 2004 Wait one year, then dump him and see how he reacts. He'll either step up, or step down and he wasn't to be in the first place. Link to comment
Lanvino Posted April 28, 2004 Share Posted April 28, 2004 Trust me when I say DON'T stay with him. I know this is the last thing you want to hear. But I went through a very similar thing where I was so in love with the person (I thought I was as in love as I could get) but he just "wasn't ready". I waited for a while and then he just suddenly broke up with me out of no-where. I was devastated. I was 26 also at the time and thought, that's it, I'm never getting married and never going to have a family. Well, after a few months of mourning over this guy, and thinking of every possible scenario to get him back- I decided to give it up and let him come to me if it was really meant to be. I started dating again- no one that I really liked, but just guys that I could have fun with. And then a friend told me about this guy she wanted to set me up with. And I refused, for 6 months. I was still hung up on my old boyfriend and just wanted to date around. I didn't need to be set up at this point. So, she tricked me and invited him out with a group of us one night. We had fun, but I wasn't "gaga" over him. Over the following months I saw him occasionally through some work and social functions and we became friends. But throughout this whole time- I was stuck on my old boyfriend and couldn't fathom getting into another relationship. But then, some how, he talked me into a date. And then another, and then another. Within a month I was head over heals- with a feeling that I truly had never experienced- that he was the one. Not a feeling of he "could" be the one or I "hope" he's the one- because I really want to get married. But that he was the one. I knew it, and so did he. And I've never experienced love like this before. The ironic thing is that my old boyfriend did finally come around, about a month into my dating my new boyfriend. He called me and said howstupid he was and how I was the best thing that ever happened to him and how he wanted to come see me right away to talk. Well- it was the easiest decision in the world- after a year and a half of pining over him and truly believing I lost the guy I should have been with- I was able to tell him that I was no longer interested and had met someone else that was making me very very happy. And he has to this day not stopped emailing and phoning me every so often to see if I'm still with my boyfriend. The moral is, that you will find Mr Right. I know you're 26 and it feels like it'll never happen. But I'm 28 and it has happened. And I'm so glad I experienced what I did with my old boyfriend because it helped me to see how much better my new one was- how much better he was for me in every way. Don't sell yourself short and waste time. If you leave him, he will come back if it's meant to be. I know it's hard, and that you probably won't do it. But just keep in the back of your mind my story and rest assured that if it doesn't work out, you WILL find someone. I hope this helps!!Best of Luck!! Link to comment
girlygirl227 Posted July 16, 2004 Author Share Posted July 16, 2004 Thanks for all the advice. I did cut it off about 3 months ago...I know I did the right thing. I have already dated someone else since then for 2 months and though he broke it off with me, he had a lot of qualities that I only then realized were missing from my previous relationship. This guy made me a priority and was ready for marriage. It ended amicably, though it still hurts. The guy I dated for 11 months is still contacting me regularly, wanted to try again, swears he's seen the light, etc. But, after the latest guy, I know I want to hold out for someone I KNOW is Mr. Right. Link to comment
Lauren Ny Posted July 18, 2004 Share Posted July 18, 2004 "I'm just not ready for my life to be over," RUN FOREST.....RUN!!!!!! It's apparent that you're in love with this guy. Unfortunately, he doesn't feel the same. It's apparent in every word that you write. To be honest, I personally believe that 2 years is a normal amount of time. Some would disagree, but we play so many games in love these days that it takes TIME to truly know someone. Continue on in the relationship if you wish, BUT pay attention to the signs. [/code] Link to comment
Luciana Posted July 19, 2004 Share Posted July 19, 2004 It is SO simple: if you want to get married and the guy doesn't, just DUMP him. If he wants it, he'll come back, if he really doesn't, he won't!! And, like Lanvino's story, if it takes him 1 1/2 years to decide, she will be long gone and it's tough luck! Nothing worse than an embittered GF with a non-commiting BF, waiting and waiting and getting angrier each day! Link to comment
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