Whats wrong with me?

[EDP]

When i was 10 my father took his own life, i found this very hard to cope with. I'm now 21. Last year was the 10th anniversary of hsi death and i found it very hard to cope with, but i feel that things arent getting any better, even if i just htink about him i start to cry. I feel i hardly know him, i cant really remember what he was like now.

I feel betrayed that he left us, the night before he disappered he promised to take me out the next day, i woke up to find he has disappereard, only later on when the police arrived did we know what had happened.

Why cant i stop crying about this, its beginning to be really bad, even if family friends just start talking about good things he did i start to fill up. Its really getting to me and i need to sort it out, what do you guys suggest pls?

[neva_black_n_white]

i think that its difficult for you because of the age that you lost your father, had you been very young there would have been faint memories but you couldnt have put a point on what he exactly said, it wouldnt have been as vivid, you were at the age to know and remember but not fully understand.

 

i know how it feels to be promised something, i remember my grnadmother saying to me, when i was younger, in the holiday you can come stay with me for a while, and i dont know but thats what sticks, i believe that its all about what could have been, i mean you remember that he was going to take you out, and its likely to be that to you it could have beent hat simple, get up the next day and go out, but he didnt, as you said he took his own ife.

 

has anyone ever given you answers? reasons for why he did it? why he wasnt there when you were waiting? its hard to exaplain to someone that a father has died because of natural causes let alone that he took his life and why, a lot of people will never be able to answer that question and no one will fully.

 

i think that even though hearing all the positive parts of your fathers life you need to know what happened up and the leading to his death, only being told all these positive will leave you to ask ''why didnt those good things stop him''

 

some say when someone you loves die dont go see the body you want to remember the good, but who heals more? the ones who go to see it or the ones who remember the past and not move on?

 

so do you want to know or know more than what you do.

 

you dont need to move on, just understand.

kel

[digit]

my dad died 6 yrs now and i am having counciling because i cant stop crying about good times and bad, or if anyone mentions him it hurts. because of other things in your life you dont have time to grieve, i didnt.now i am it feels its only just happened and its hard, i am angryand i feel selfish, but its all part of it [feelings, emotions].

[mahlina]

Wow! I feel for you...my father died in a somewhat similar fashion. It's been almost 15 years. I'm sorry to hear what you went through, I really am...If you're forgetting about your father, try to remember the little fragments of special times that you guys once shared. Try to remember the little precious things that he did to keep you happy. Try to remember the little words he said. Always keep them with you.

 

I cry every so often just thinking about him too! I think that you're doing the right thing. Don't bottle up your emotions. If so, it will only come back to haunt you, but only 3 times worse. Well, I'm in the same boat, and hoep that you feel better! Take Care!