She likes mountains and camping!! Is she my perfect girl???

[silverbell]

Hi All,

 

I went out with a foreign girl last year. It was short but intense. We camped and climbed mountains!! Sometimes I never knew where I stood with her and always wondered why she was physical with me, then all of a sudden not. But we did have great times together, and before she left she invited me sincerely for a holiday in her own country. I told her I'd love to but couldnt go for a few weeks and could she wait? She said she could.

 

When she left, she sent me loads of texts and emails telling me she held back when she was in my country, cos she knew she'd miss me, and now she does, calling me darling and sweetheart, saying she'd travel anywhere with me, and that made me think there is something there between us after all. We agreed to be boyfriend and girlfriend even while apart! By the way, I really liked this girl!!

After a week I bought the flight ticket and a few days later her texts changed in character, I always give the benefit of the doubt and thought maybe she's down or a bit sad. She been to hospital for a minor skin treatment. We still chatted and sent txts but not as many and for shorter times. She always "had to go". I asked her about her travel plans and she said she'd 'talk when I got over'. Well I really knew something was up.

 

When I got there she seemed impatient with me. She said she was happy to have me over but I didnt really believe her 100%. On the second evening she was really strange, she just sat all depressed in a chair, wouldnt speak to me. That night I asked her were we still boyfriend and girlfriend and she said " no we are just friends". I was very upset as she told me she decided a week ago but didnt tell me. Our next day was terrible but I kept trying to talk to her but no use and then I decided I needed time to myself for a day, we'd both cool down, then maybe we could be friends for the rest of my holiday. After all it cost me a lot of money and time.

 

I told her I was going for a day, she told me if I go, dont come back. The next day I came back and got in touch but she "didnt want to see me but maybe she might before I go". I spent 5 or six days trying to re-arrange a flight out of her country!! I sent her a text every day. I was all alone too! I never felt as bad in my life. (I'm 31 heh heh) I didnt want it to end so badly.

 

Well we spoke by phone later and she told me that she was going to make love to me again if I hadnt left, and that I made her father cry cos I left early, and lots of other little things which didnt add up!! I was really confused, and wondered if I should have left! But I keep trying to remember the feelings that made me leave her and that makes me realise I was right. I cut down emailing her, but now she sends me emails saying I'm still important and I'm her best mate as far as mountains are concerned. Even suggesting a trip together!! I told her I havent the money this year!!

 

If you have read this far, thanks!! I'd love to know what some of you people think, I still think on this girl a lot, even though its been 8 months. But I dont know whether to be just a friend, or if I should ever contact her again. Do people learn? Can I ever trust her again? She says she so lucky to have a friend like me! I just wonder what you all think.

 

Thanks

 

I'm sorry I cant give my real name, call me Joseph!!

[dikaia880]

Wow, I don't know what to say to that...

You went to her country to visit, and she shut down, she decided to end it before you left, why wouldn't she tell you to save the money of the trip?

I don't know, If I were you (and I'm not) I would stop talking to her, stop emailing, remember the good times, but at the same time remember her treating you like S#$% on your trip there...Sorry if that come off harsh, but I don't think she's worth having as a friend.

[ilinara]

I think she is not interested romantically and never ever will be again. Just trying to keep you as a friend. It's up to you, what do you want?

[silverbell]

hi ilinara and dikaia880,

 

Thank you.

I dont know what I want from her, I dont know whether its better to forgive her and be friends, or to define my boundaries and cut her off completely. I was raised to treat people well, but she didnt treat me well. I was taught to forgive and i usually do, but this time it feels very different to me. However I dont want to be someone who she sees as a soft target who'd be there to get her out of trouble. I probably was too soft with her already.

I'm very confused, I'd really like to tell her "where to go" but wonder if I'll regret it later?

I know that if I cut her off she will probably never get in touch with me again, and if we remain friends she wont be a great one and I'll always have painful memories of her.

 

I dont know whether to be "Dalai Lama" or "John Wayne"!! Is there someone in between?

 

Thanks to you both

[dasbin]

don't cut her off to get back at her. if you're gonna cut her off, do it because it's the best thing for you.

 

if the best thing for you is to remain friends, then forgive her, but make it clear (respectfully, nicely) that you could be leaving at any time if she doesn't treat you well again.