yellowcal Posted May 10, 2009 Share Posted May 10, 2009 I have noticed here lately in posts where if someone posts about their guys doing certain things or letting their feelings known everyone is quick to jump and say "Oh that's a red flag!! something is up" is it not okay for a guy to express how they feel or express concern over certain things without it being labeled a "red flag". Then we wonder why guys aren't very quick to share their feelings and emotions. What is up with that? Guys have concerns about a relationships and feelings too ya know. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted May 10, 2009 Share Posted May 10, 2009 Not everyone feels the same way. Depends what it is. Its wise to be fairly cautious. Like a guy that declares love marriage and kids in the first week, generally a red flag. But yes I think sometimes we can be too quick to see something as a negative. Link to comment
yellowcal Posted May 10, 2009 Author Share Posted May 10, 2009 It just seems like no matter what the situation if a guys shows interest or shows feeling it is labeled a red flag for most and alot of people tell that person to reconsider the relationship. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted May 10, 2009 Share Posted May 10, 2009 If you look through every thread with something like this, not everyones opinion is going to be 'its a red flag' Yes posters can be quick to label it a red flag because we've seen lots of examples of these things on here. But the thread poster should always keep in mind its only a red flag if it makes THEM uncomfortable. To me a guy expressing feeling isnt a red flag. Link to comment
jet_palero Posted May 10, 2009 Share Posted May 10, 2009 I have noticed here lately in posts where if someone posts about their guys doing certain things or letting their feelings known everyone is quick to jump and say "Oh that's a red flag!! something is up" is it not okay for a guy to express how they feel or express concern over certain things without it being labeled a "red flag". Then we wonder why guys aren't very quick to share their feelings and emotions. What is up with that? Guys have concerns about a relationships and feelings too ya know. Whats even more irritating is when women read into things. They'll attach all their fears and insecurities to the smallest off the cuff comment. "Are you going to eat the rest of that?" becomes "My god you're a pig, stop eating." "Is that what you're wearing?" becomes "good lord you look like a bag lady" Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, ladies. Put down the cosmo, and listen to what we're actually saying, you don't need a decoder ring. Link to comment
yellowcal Posted May 10, 2009 Author Share Posted May 10, 2009 Oh I know it isn't everyone's opinion but it's something I see everywhere.. Not even just on here, it seems like alot of people still think it's wrong for a guy to show any emotion whatsoever it either makes them "gay" (However that works out i'm still trying to figure out?) or they are considered full of it. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted May 10, 2009 Share Posted May 10, 2009 Personally I love a guy who shows emotion. I've spent far too long wasting time on guys who DONT and are 'commitmentphobes' But I am wary of guys that show it very early on and promise you the earth early on. Link to comment
hers Posted May 10, 2009 Share Posted May 10, 2009 I notice this sometimes too but not all the time. Like yesterday there was a thread where someone asked if it's a red flag b/c a guy whose house she was at put in a movie he wanted to watch. People were so quick to say he is selfish and shouldn't have done that. What a wonderful problem to have! Of all the things for him to do wrong, I'd be happy to have a guy put in a dvd he wanted to wacth without asking me if I was ok with it. I don't get how that could be a red flag ut I honestly think b/c the OP thought it was, people are quick to agree for the sake of agreeing. It's not fair to the other party involved at all. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted May 10, 2009 Share Posted May 10, 2009 Woah thats a bit ott, surely people can choose what movies they want to watch and thats NOT a red flag :S Link to comment
hers Posted May 10, 2009 Share Posted May 10, 2009 Apparently it was a red flag for some. He was called selfish and a dork. I don't think it's selfish at all--it was his favorite tv show and he probably got excited that someone would watch it with him and wanted to show her why he liked it. I know I do the same thing with my favorite tv show (RIP bea arthur!) but I don't think I'm selfish at all for it. It's not fair to this guy who otherwise was doing everything perfect according to the OP. Seems a trivial problem. Link to comment
yellowcal Posted May 10, 2009 Author Share Posted May 10, 2009 Apparently it was a red flag for some. He was called selfish and a dork. I don't think it's selfish at all--it was his favorite tv show and he probably got excited that someone would watch it with him and wanted to show her why he liked it. I know I do the same thing with my favorite tv show (RIP bea arthur!) but I don't think I'm selfish at all for it. It's not fair to this guy who otherwise was doing everything perfect according to the OP. Seems a trivial problem. You are so selfish!! Link to comment
COtuner Posted May 10, 2009 Share Posted May 10, 2009 Apparently it was a red flag for some. He was called selfish and a dork. I don't think it's selfish at all--it was his favorite tv show and he probably got excited that someone would watch it with him and wanted to show her why he liked it. I know I do the same thing with my favorite tv show (RIP bea arthur!) but I don't think I'm selfish at all for it. It's not fair to this guy who otherwise was doing everything perfect according to the OP. Seems a trivial problem. Oh man, I'd be walking on the girl who said that, if I was the guy. People get wayyyy too hung up on discussing every single little thing and making it a decision by committee. As long as I get to pop things in that I want to watch now and then too, does it really matter? Good lord... I'm glad I didn't read that thread. Link to comment
COtuner Posted May 10, 2009 Share Posted May 10, 2009 I have noticed here lately in posts where if someone posts about their guys doing certain things or letting their feelings known everyone is quick to jump and say "Oh that's a red flag!! something is up" is it not okay for a guy to express how they feel or express concern over certain things without it being labeled a "red flag". Then we wonder why guys aren't very quick to share their feelings and emotions. What is up with that? Guys have concerns about a relationships and feelings too ya know. I personally don't resemble that remark. What I don't like (and this would go for female friends as well as for boyfriends) is when everything produces a massive analysis of how this particular instance is making them feel, or how their shrink told them such and such, or a book they read said this and that.... for God's sake, just experience the moment, don't turn life into one long counseling session. Vent mode off /// Link to comment
jettison Posted May 10, 2009 Share Posted May 10, 2009 It's not about showing your emotions and your feelings. It's about being in control of your emotions and feelings, not being afraid to show them, not pretending you are someone that you're not, and not throwing a tantrum and pitching a fit as a way to get those emotions out. There is a big difference in someone's voice and tone when they are courageous, and talking about what's deep inside them in comparison to when they are an emotional wreck, and flying off the handle like they're about to jump off a bridge. The only people who want partners who are about to jump off a bridge under the weight of so many emotions are those people who wish to control their partners and have a fear of losing them. Their extreme vulnerability is like insurance for them that they won't get dumped. By contrast, lots of people would rather have a partner that could do just fine without them in a pinch, but they choose to spend their precious time with them anyway out of love rather then need. This is why people don't appreciate "clingy" and "needy" people for the most part. It's because the "love" that comes from them isn't love at all. It's just a need to not be alone, or a need to have a girlfriend, or a need to control someone. None of that is love. So men, feel free to show your emotions. Women actually LOVE that. However, women don't want to hear your voice quivering and cracking every other moment, nor do they want to know that your emotions always get the best of you, nor they want to have to play your mommy and stick a pacifier in your mouth at every turn (perhaps just occasionally). Show your emotions, but don't let your emotions show you up! Link to comment
jettison Posted May 10, 2009 Share Posted May 10, 2009 I personally don't resemble that remark. What I don't like (and this would go for female friends as well as for boyfriends) is when everything produces a massive analysis of how this particular instance is making them feel, or how their shrink told them such and such, or a book they read said this and that.... for God's sake, just experience the moment, don't turn life into one long counseling session. Vent mode off /// Yeah, that turns me off in a huuuge way. I don't like when people are so rocked by simple emotions that they need to turn every one of them into this life-altering event. I'm reading a book right now called the Untethered Soul, and it's all about the way our internal voice waxes and wanes and contradicts, and how we pay it way too much attention. Basically, our emotions are like our "roommate", a really crappy, self-destructive roommate that won't leave but won't pay any rent either. Link to comment
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